Liveitwell

Exah has lost visitation rights with our two young girls bc of alcohol tests. If I was still in denial and codependent I might actually think this had something to so with me...or try to fix or help..but I know I have no effect on his drinking, choices or anything else. He's responsible for him. And I'm responsible for me and our kids. That is life-that is being an adult-and I accept it. He's incapable of taking care of himself or accepting responsibility. I accept that. He's incapable of telling the truth, it seems to everyone. He values enabling, dysfunction and evil as love. He listens to himself and everyone-except God. I accept that. I forgive him and accept my new reality. I know with all my heart he can get better-he just has to choose recovery-truth. I know God wants that for him-for us and our family-but I also know God cannot force him to make the right choice. I accept that, too.
Acceptance and heart break kind of go hand in hand right now. My good friend told me last night that alcoholism is a demon tha slowly corrodes ones soul and removes the good...I have seen that and accept that and I know things with him will get worse if he doesn't get help. I accept that-but not easy to see the person you love go down the wrong path and suffer.
Not easy these days, guys. Gods grace will see me through-I will praise Him in the storm!

Thanks for listening.

firebolt

Keep taking care of yourself and those girls, you sound like you are in a healthy place despite his mess. I can hear the pain your family is in, and hope and pray for the best for you all! (((HUGS)))

Liveitwell

^^ I am! Forgiving myself for my faults / sins / secrets that kept me in shame and anger (and drinking) has been a long road-and hard-but it allowed me to tell the truth, no matter who liked it or didn't like it...and I've lost family and friends over the truth, about me and him. My family these days is people that know the truth, love me regardless, hold me accountable-mostly recovery friends and that's ok. Sometimes God has a different path than what your family wants-been there, done that. I'd rather disappoint my family or anyone than God and question His plan. Truth is the truth no matter how you spin it-I also accept there are many that don't wabt to accept the truth. That's ok. They are free to live their lives as they choose. Me and my girls? We will thrive. I just wish he was along for the ride...sad about that but it's his life to live.

FeelingGreat

I'm sorry for the loss of AH. I hope one day he'll appreciate that his behaviour has bad consequences for everyone, not just him.

lillamy

You sound like you're in a good place, and I'm really happy to hear that. I'm glad your girls have you.

Liveitwell

^ lillamy, I am. Us codependents have a hard time letting go..truth is he was never mine or anyone else's. He is God's. In the end we all answer to Him-that sets me free. It's so cliche but the truth and acceptance and forgiveness do set you free. Truly happy-me, happy. It may be fleeting so I'm going to hold on to it as long as possible. But I feel a new beginning is coming-God has great plans and I'm excited to see what unfolds in what He wants for me. Feels good.

schnappi99

Freedom, truth and acceptance are never cliche

gleefan

Thanks for sharing this tonight. It is so inspiring. I came into the threads tonight feeling aggravated by my AH's behavior, and needed this beautiful reminder that I only need to focus on my side of the street. Like you, I know deep in my heart THAT is how my higher power's designs will be able to unfold. Thank you!!

Duckygirl1

. He values enabling, dysfunction and evil as love.

This hit the nail on the head for me tonight! Thank you! Loving someone shouldn't kill your soul, but when when "love" them they way that they recognize love, that's what happens.