Tatertot

Hello All,

I'm just here to give you my little Tatertot update...

My SO and I have been together almost 5 years, and he is coming up on his 6 year clean/sober date at the beginning of May.

Many of you here cautioned me at the beginning of this relationship to take it slow! And I'd say that we have, lol! But we are finally taking the plunge and moving in together in a few weeks. Finally taking that next step!

I am very excited, but at the same time I do have some hesitations, however these are about things that have nothing at all to do with any kind of fear that he may start drinking again... it's mostly to do with children, or technically, the lack thereof.

I understand that by taking this next step with him I am effectively closing the door on ever having children (I am 38 and he is 58). I do not think I have ever truly desired children... I guess if I had, then I would have had them by now. But sometimes I do get sad about it. I guess I can't help it. But I definitely don't want to give up the amazing relationship that I have with my guy in order to either a) find someone else to have kids with in the next few years, or (more likely) b) have a child/children on my own.

I know that this plagues him as well.. he really is not at a point in life where he wants to have any kids (he has none at all) but at the same time he says not a day goes by where he doesn't feel guilt about denying me the opportunity to have kids. I have told him that it's my choice and that I choose him over non-existent kids, but still he says he feels guilty.

In any case, we all have to live our lives and make hard choices and then hopefully live without regrets, and this is by far the best, most honest, loving, caring, and happiest relationship I've ever been in and not a day goes by that I don't treasure every second that we spend together as I know that we will have a shorter time together than most...

So I just thought I would update you that things with my SO are pretty amazing and that we are both very much looking forward to fully starting to share our lives together. Not to mention it will be much less stressful trying to run back and forth between our two places all the time, lol!

I wish you all health and happiness

TT

LexieCat

Congrats--what a great post! Sounds like you are both doing great!

You know, there are other ways you can have kids in your life. Foster care, volunteering to work with kids (the courts are always looking for child advocates), etc. It sounds like the two of you have a lot to look forward to, and even though kids can be great, they also are a huge responsibility for a VERY long time. Mine are now in their late 20s and I'm assured that it will only be really tough for the next 30 years or so.

Duckygirl1

Congrats on the next step! Sounds like you've got your eyes wide open and it's going to be an exciting time.

Lexie is right. It sounds like you 2 have a lot of love and there are plenty children in the world that could use some. Just modeling a healthy relationship for some kids would change their world!

Tatertot

Thanks Gals,

I really am happy, but I guess somewhere deep down I am just a little sad that I will never have a "family" of my own..

Also, let me be clear in that I *definitely* spend enough of my life helping to raise/mentor other people's kids, lol! For the past 15 years or so I have been volunteering a very good portion of my life to a youth organization where we work with teenagers aged 12 - 18... so it's not like I don't spend enough time with kids! It's just that they are not *my* kids. I don't get the joys of watching them grow up, nor will they be with me at the end of the day (end of my life). So that part does make me a little sad.

And I literally have no family at all. I have my mom and my sister left, and my sister has no kids either. My mom was an only child and my dad had one brother who never had kids. So I literally have no aunts, uncles, cousins, etc... there are only the three of us and my mom will most certainly die before me and so will my sister (she has had life long medical complications).

So I guess I am just a little starved for "family" connections, rather than just spending time with other peoples kids, cause I definitely do enough of that!

In any case it is something that my SO and I do talk openly and honestly about so there are no hidden feelings or resentments. We have always tried to work through everything together. In fact he knows me so well he can tell if I am not telling him something that's bothering me and he makes me talk to him about it. He is so perceptive, lol! Also, I couldn't keep a secret (from him) if I tried!

I am very much looking forward to this next chapter in my (our) life, and I just want to thank everyone here for their support/advice/and encouragement over the years. It's great to know that this loving community exists and I hope you don't mind me coming back every now and then with an update .

TT

CodeJob

Thanks for sharing such a positive update Tatertot! Every happiness to you and your partner.

Thumper

Thank you for the update. Congrats on this next milestone