honeypig

APRIL 14

You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."

Perfectionism

Recovery from codependency is an individual process that necessitates making mistakes, struggling through problems, and facing tough issues.

Expecting ourselves to be perfect slows this process; it puts us in a guilty and anxious state. Expecting others to be perfect is equally destructive; it makes others feel ashamed and may interfere with their growth.

People are human and vulnerable, and that is wonderful. We can accept and cherish that idea. Expecting others to be perfect puts us in that codependent state of moral superiority. Expecting ourselves to be perfect makes us feel rigid and inferior.

We can let go of both ideas.

We do not need to go to the other extreme of tolerating anything people throw our way. We can still expect appropriate, responsible behavior from ourselves. But most of us can afford to loosen up a bit. And when we stop expecting others to be perfect, we may discover that they're doing much better than we thought. When we stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, we'll discover the beauty in ourselves.

Today, I will practice tolerance, acceptance, and love of others as they are, and myself as I am. I will strive for that balance between expecting too much and expecting too little from others and myself.

©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.

honeypig

This is an important reading for me. Just yesterday at work I spent a large part of my day bent out of shape exactly b/c of perfectionism. I was expecting too much of someone else and was all self-righteous about it, in a state of "moral superiority" for sure. Later on, I learned I was the one who was wrong, so that set off a cascade of beating myself up b/c I wasn't perfect--yep, "rigid and inferior".

What a waste of time and energy that all was! What a lot of drama for absolutely no reason and no gain....

With some help from my HP, I'll do better today.