Old journal
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Join Date: May 2014
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Old journal
Have read lots of threads on here where the people started them about two years ago and are still dealing with the same issues with their A's. I have kept a "journal" in my phone for years. Thank goodness for iCloud. I decided to read some of those journal entries. Mine date back to April 2010. For five years I have been living with the same issues and same concerns. I have never had the courage to change anything or move forward. But going back and reading these entries and realizing I have not been living life. It is as though I have been treading water waiting for someone to throw me a life preserver. What I could have and should have been doing is swimming. I could have reached shore so much sooner than the five years of treading water and without any more energy to do so. Why do we just sit in our circumstances snd let life pass us by?
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Wow! Very very profound. I have read back on a lot of my threads and sometimes feel the same. I think the more we recover the easier it will be to make a stand. But I can ALWAYS find an excuse to stay and I don't even know why!!!! .....
That was a lie, yeah I do know why. Because I didn't think I could do any better. Maybe I still don't.....i don't know. That's a tough one
That was a lie, yeah I do know why. Because I didn't think I could do any better. Maybe I still don't.....i don't know. That's a tough one
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I have said it before, but I will say it again.
I am very happy and proud to see where you are now. I see strength in your posts.
As to your question - a habit is a habit. They are hard to break. I don't think these relationships begin bad or they wouldn't have started - they don't begin in the abyss. Its slow, we get used to it. Recognize we aren't happy. Forget what it was like to be.
I am very happy and proud to see where you are now. I see strength in your posts.
As to your question - a habit is a habit. They are hard to break. I don't think these relationships begin bad or they wouldn't have started - they don't begin in the abyss. Its slow, we get used to it. Recognize we aren't happy. Forget what it was like to be.
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[QUOTE="redatlanta;5313340"]I have said it before, but I will say it again. I am very happy and proud to see where you are now. I see strength in your posts.
Thank you redatlanta. The support means a lot!! I go up and down. Yesterday I was a basket case! Today, a little better. It definitely helped to read my journal and realize the abuse was bad right from the beginning and is the same. He is saying the same things and doing the same things. I think the only thing that has changed is that the "good times" are non existent and they really were not good at all. But were better than 99% of all of the other times. I am so envious of happy looking couples or families. I wish I had that. But, no relationship is better than this one.
Thank you redatlanta. The support means a lot!! I go up and down. Yesterday I was a basket case! Today, a little better. It definitely helped to read my journal and realize the abuse was bad right from the beginning and is the same. He is saying the same things and doing the same things. I think the only thing that has changed is that the "good times" are non existent and they really were not good at all. But were better than 99% of all of the other times. I am so envious of happy looking couples or families. I wish I had that. But, no relationship is better than this one.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Like the proverbial frog in water that doesn't jump out as it's boiled because the water is heated up slowly.
Reading here helped me make my decision.
I too saw people who had been dealing with the same issue for years. The rose tinted glasses came off and I saw exactly what my future would be if I stayed. 'Tough Love' posts from some of the old timers helped too, although at first they felt kinda hard to hear.
Personally I am someone who would rather have the truth, even if it hurts. That is what I stand for.
Plus I said I would not be that woman who said she wouldn't stay and did.
I said 'once', and in fact I stayed for twice (making the excuse that it was alcohol the first time, drugs the second).
That was it though. I said no more.
Keeping my word is important to me thank goodness. I had to follow through on what I said. I cannot ask for the truth in others and then ignore it myself.
I'm glad I said that, and I am glad I followed through.
Reading here helped me make my decision.
I too saw people who had been dealing with the same issue for years. The rose tinted glasses came off and I saw exactly what my future would be if I stayed. 'Tough Love' posts from some of the old timers helped too, although at first they felt kinda hard to hear.
Personally I am someone who would rather have the truth, even if it hurts. That is what I stand for.
Plus I said I would not be that woman who said she wouldn't stay and did.
I said 'once', and in fact I stayed for twice (making the excuse that it was alcohol the first time, drugs the second).
That was it though. I said no more.
Keeping my word is important to me thank goodness. I had to follow through on what I said. I cannot ask for the truth in others and then ignore it myself.
I'm glad I said that, and I am glad I followed through.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
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Hi Searching Peace.
You know something I've realised for me about the good times - they were mainly generated by me. Not to sound harsh but he could have been anyone, and they would have still been fun / good times.
As soon as I realised this it made me feel free!
The good feelings came from ME, and I can recreate those with anyone I choose.
You know something I've realised for me about the good times - they were mainly generated by me. Not to sound harsh but he could have been anyone, and they would have still been fun / good times.
As soon as I realised this it made me feel free!
The good feelings came from ME, and I can recreate those with anyone I choose.
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searching peace,
there is a book that I thought was especially good at explaining the dynamics of why women will stay in abusive relationships even though they "know" that they should not.....titled: "The Saber-toothed Tiger". It is an easy read...you can get it, cheap, on Amazon.com.
dandylion
there is a book that I thought was especially good at explaining the dynamics of why women will stay in abusive relationships even though they "know" that they should not.....titled: "The Saber-toothed Tiger". It is an easy read...you can get it, cheap, on Amazon.com.
dandylion
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Originally Posted by dandylion 
searching peace, there is a book that I thought was especially good at explaining the dynamics of why women will stay in abusive relationships even though they "know" that they should not.....titled: "The Saber-toothed Tiger". It is an easy read...you can get it, cheap, on Amazon.com. dandylion
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