An actor with no lines.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 78
An actor with no lines.
Evening everyone,
I started drinking at 14. I began by experimenting with cider and beer, but quickly advanced to vodka within a few months, without passing go, no £200.
I then drank vodka or rum as my drinks of choice for the next 12 years (1-4 times a week). I am currently 2 months sober (tomorrow), which is the longest I have remained sober in all that time. I'll resist a bow for now.
I have read here that once we get sober, we remember who we were before that first drink, and that we may possibly start to feel comfortable in our own skin again. However, when I started drinking, I was still a child, and now at age 26, I really don't know who I am or how I'm supposed to act. I'm just a bit lost. I was psychologically underdeveloped at 14, and sadly, nothing has changed. At least by marching forward buoyed by sobriety, I can being to put that right.
What I'd like to ask of the forum though, is; Have any of you been in this position? And how should I navigate the next few months?
Thank you again for being such a wonderful and supportive community
I started drinking at 14. I began by experimenting with cider and beer, but quickly advanced to vodka within a few months, without passing go, no £200.
I then drank vodka or rum as my drinks of choice for the next 12 years (1-4 times a week). I am currently 2 months sober (tomorrow), which is the longest I have remained sober in all that time. I'll resist a bow for now.
I have read here that once we get sober, we remember who we were before that first drink, and that we may possibly start to feel comfortable in our own skin again. However, when I started drinking, I was still a child, and now at age 26, I really don't know who I am or how I'm supposed to act. I'm just a bit lost. I was psychologically underdeveloped at 14, and sadly, nothing has changed. At least by marching forward buoyed by sobriety, I can being to put that right.
What I'd like to ask of the forum though, is; Have any of you been in this position? And how should I navigate the next few months?
Thank you again for being such a wonderful and supportive community
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Runnerbean congrats on your 2 month sober milestone tomorrow thats great
Around this time at 2 months i was doing group therapy & signing up for a plastering course i was attending mtns and keeping a journal i was reading living sober and i reached out anytime i felt like drinking
Around this time at 2 months i was doing group therapy & signing up for a plastering course i was attending mtns and keeping a journal i was reading living sober and i reached out anytime i felt like drinking
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 121
Hey runnerbean
Good luck man I keep just relapsed again at the weekend so good to see how well you are doing
Keep it up
I am not that great with the advice side unfortunatley have you thought of checking it out if there are any support groups in your local area people may be doing the same? If not sure someone here can help
Good luck man I keep just relapsed again at the weekend so good to see how well you are doing
Keep it up I am not that great with the advice side unfortunatley have you thought of checking it out if there are any support groups in your local area people may be doing the same? If not sure someone here can help
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Congratulations on 2 months sober!
Well, I do think we have a hard time developing emotionally during our drinking years. You might find that talking to a therapist is helpful or you might find enough support here or at AA. I had a lot of anxiety/depression in my life long before I started drinking and I did have to deal with that when I stopped drinking. Have faith that you will be able to get through this, you will grow and thrive and be the person you want to be.
Well, I do think we have a hard time developing emotionally during our drinking years. You might find that talking to a therapist is helpful or you might find enough support here or at AA. I had a lot of anxiety/depression in my life long before I started drinking and I did have to deal with that when I stopped drinking. Have faith that you will be able to get through this, you will grow and thrive and be the person you want to be.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Congrats on 2 months RunnerBean
I started drugs at 15 or so, so I understand that emotionally stunted stuck in adolescence feeling.
I found it was pretty steep learning curve for me to be an adult tho - just assuming some of the responsibility I'd spent 20 years avoiding helped me grow up pretty quickly - paying my bills on time, doing my job properly, being honest with people, and helping others - either here or other volunteering.
so the $64 question is - what else have you been doing besides just not drinking RB?
D
I started drugs at 15 or so, so I understand that emotionally stunted stuck in adolescence feeling.
I found it was pretty steep learning curve for me to be an adult tho - just assuming some of the responsibility I'd spent 20 years avoiding helped me grow up pretty quickly - paying my bills on time, doing my job properly, being honest with people, and helping others - either here or other volunteering.
so the $64 question is - what else have you been doing besides just not drinking RB?
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I had the good help of an addiction counselor at first. It was so helpful to be able to talk about anything I wanted and get feedback and valuable input on my thoughts.
I also noticed after getting sober that my meds for depression worked a lot better so my mood improved a lot in the first year or so.
I would suggest throwing yourself into a favorite hobby or pastime. And if you have no special interests or hobbies, volunteer at a local organization, like a shelter for people or animals, or a soup kitchen or food bank. You'll put something good into your community and make friends, not to mention the good feeling you can get from doing something good for others.
I congratulate you on your two months sober and hope you keep on keepin' on.
I also noticed after getting sober that my meds for depression worked a lot better so my mood improved a lot in the first year or so.
I would suggest throwing yourself into a favorite hobby or pastime. And if you have no special interests or hobbies, volunteer at a local organization, like a shelter for people or animals, or a soup kitchen or food bank. You'll put something good into your community and make friends, not to mention the good feeling you can get from doing something good for others.
I congratulate you on your two months sober and hope you keep on keepin' on.
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Congratulations on your journey so far!
I just turned 27 so we are similar ages and I understand that bizarre emotional thing we go through after being intoxicated for years. At the moment, I don't know who I am, but one thing I have discovered from being newly sober is that I'm kind. I didn't think I was unkind at all, but I'm really pleased to discover that even when I'm sober, I'm a nice person!
I can offer so little advice. We're both new to sobriety and we are similar ages. I don't have any words of wisdom, I wish I did. I'd be more than happy to talk with you via private message and maybe we could have a chat and learn from each other though!
I just turned 27 so we are similar ages and I understand that bizarre emotional thing we go through after being intoxicated for years. At the moment, I don't know who I am, but one thing I have discovered from being newly sober is that I'm kind. I didn't think I was unkind at all, but I'm really pleased to discover that even when I'm sober, I'm a nice person!
I can offer so little advice. We're both new to sobriety and we are similar ages. I don't have any words of wisdom, I wish I did. I'd be more than happy to talk with you via private message and maybe we could have a chat and learn from each other though!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
You raise an interesting point.
Personally, I didn't want to become "the person I was" before I started drinking, either prior to long-term sobriety or before I relapsed for three years. What was good "back then" was only a product of creative reminiscence.
It was only after I achieved sobriety that I began to like the person I'd become. I no longer believed that my present or future was predetermined by my past; I was responsible for who I am and what I became. I was accountable for my own existence, not matter what I chose to do.
One of the most difficult things about working with couples is their longing for "things to go back to the way they were before." Before a traumatic event, before growing apart, before an affair, before alcoholism, before the abuse or neglect, before the porn addiction, before Facebook, before the Xbox became a member of the family, before the initial excitement that slowly changed over time into an intolerable and withering "everydayness."
The moment I describe who I am, I've changed by virtue of my description. Each experience we have changes us; sometimes obvious, sometimes subtle. As much as we'd like to freeze moments in time, they never do.
Personally, I didn't want to become "the person I was" before I started drinking, either prior to long-term sobriety or before I relapsed for three years. What was good "back then" was only a product of creative reminiscence.
It was only after I achieved sobriety that I began to like the person I'd become. I no longer believed that my present or future was predetermined by my past; I was responsible for who I am and what I became. I was accountable for my own existence, not matter what I chose to do.
One of the most difficult things about working with couples is their longing for "things to go back to the way they were before." Before a traumatic event, before growing apart, before an affair, before alcoholism, before the abuse or neglect, before the porn addiction, before Facebook, before the Xbox became a member of the family, before the initial excitement that slowly changed over time into an intolerable and withering "everydayness."
The moment I describe who I am, I've changed by virtue of my description. Each experience we have changes us; sometimes obvious, sometimes subtle. As much as we'd like to freeze moments in time, they never do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 78
Thanks for you feedback everyone, there's already a lot to take on board and mull over
Dee, I'll answer your $64 question I'm currently living with my mum and step-dad, but I'm in college 4 days a week, and I work in a warehouse for the remaining 3 days so I am out of the house quite a lot. I am also hopefully moving to a city in September (currently live in a small town) to begin a 3 year undergraduate course. Most of my time and energy is going into preparing for that at present. I will say that I am lonely, but that's mainly due to my reluctance to form any attachments as I will likely be moving away in 6 months' time.
Everything is just so surreal at the moment though. I feel as though sobriety has placed me on a continuously elevating platform, so that all of the other obstacles in my life are looking smaller by the day. That, I think, comes from the fact that I've started to tackle my problems head on, such as clearing my debts, and dealing with my anxiety. I keep looking in the mirror and thinking: ''Why has it taken me so long to do this?''
In the past, through small stints of sobriety, I have always sabotaged it. I almost don't feel worthy of feeling happiness. When I think a happy thought, or feel warm inside, it feels alien to me, like a foreign entity that requires purging.
I just wanted to jot a few things down there.
Thanks
Dee, I'll answer your $64 question
I'm currently living with my mum and step-dad, but I'm in college 4 days a week, and I work in a warehouse for the remaining 3 days so I am out of the house quite a lot. I am also hopefully moving to a city in September (currently live in a small town) to begin a 3 year undergraduate course. Most of my time and energy is going into preparing for that at present. I will say that I am lonely, but that's mainly due to my reluctance to form any attachments as I will likely be moving away in 6 months' time. Everything is just so surreal at the moment though. I feel as though sobriety has placed me on a continuously elevating platform, so that all of the other obstacles in my life are looking smaller by the day. That, I think, comes from the fact that I've started to tackle my problems head on, such as clearing my debts, and dealing with my anxiety. I keep looking in the mirror and thinking: ''Why has it taken me so long to do this?''
In the past, through small stints of sobriety, I have always sabotaged it. I almost don't feel worthy of feeling happiness. When I think a happy thought, or feel warm inside, it feels alien to me, like a foreign entity that requires purging.
I just wanted to jot a few things down there.
Thanks
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
RB, I had almost the same experience. Started drinking and drugging at 15. Never a social drinker, it was always for the buzz.
I realized I had no idea who I was sober. Then I decided...I'll be anyone I want to be. Life is a blank slate.
I realized I had no idea who I was sober. Then I decided...I'll be anyone I want to be. Life is a blank slate.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Originally Posted by RunnerBean 
Thanks for you feedback everyone, there's already a lot to take on board and mull over
Dee, I'll answer your $64 question I'm currently living with my mum and step-dad, but I'm in college 4 days a week, and I work in a warehouse for the remaining 3 days so I am out of the house quite a lot. I am also hopefully moving to a city in September (currently live in a small town) to begin a 3 year undergraduate course. Most of my time and energy is going into preparing for that at present. I will say that I am lonely, but that's mainly due to my reluctance to form any attachments as I will likely be moving away in 6 months' time.
Everything is just so surreal at the moment though. I feel as though sobriety has placed me on a continuously elevating platform, so that all of the other obstacles in my life are looking smaller by the day. That, I think, comes from the fact that I've started to tackle my problems head on, such as clearing my debts, and dealing with my anxiety. I keep looking in the mirror and thinking: ''Why has it taken me so long to do this?''
In the past, through small stints of sobriety, I have always sabotaged it. I almost don't feel worthy of feeling happiness. When I think a happy thought, or feel warm inside, it feels alien to me, like a foreign entity that requires purging.
I just wanted to jot a few things down there.
Thanks
Dee, I'll answer your $64 question
I'm currently living with my mum and step-dad, but I'm in college 4 days a week, and I work in a warehouse for the remaining 3 days so I am out of the house quite a lot. I am also hopefully moving to a city in September (currently live in a small town) to begin a 3 year undergraduate course. Most of my time and energy is going into preparing for that at present. I will say that I am lonely, but that's mainly due to my reluctance to form any attachments as I will likely be moving away in 6 months' time. Everything is just so surreal at the moment though. I feel as though sobriety has placed me on a continuously elevating platform, so that all of the other obstacles in my life are looking smaller by the day. That, I think, comes from the fact that I've started to tackle my problems head on, such as clearing my debts, and dealing with my anxiety. I keep looking in the mirror and thinking: ''Why has it taken me so long to do this?''
In the past, through small stints of sobriety, I have always sabotaged it. I almost don't feel worthy of feeling happiness. When I think a happy thought, or feel warm inside, it feels alien to me, like a foreign entity that requires purging.
I just wanted to jot a few things down there.
Thanks
Getting out on your own and getting into some study, moving to a city...all of that will really accelerate the 'maturation process' I think RB
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Hi RB, It is said that we are emotionally stunted when we constantly numb our everythings...from feelings and emotions to adventures and life experiences.
I believe this to be true in a general sense. I also think that we bring a special insight once we get sober and or straight.
The life of a user or alcoholic is in itself an experience.
Also, I feel that while we may be emotionally stunted that once sober not only do we pass go and collect $200, we do it quickly...Kind of like speed reading except for emotions. Quick learners we are!!!
I believe this to be true in a general sense. I also think that we bring a special insight once we get sober and or straight.
The life of a user or alcoholic is in itself an experience.
Also, I feel that while we may be emotionally stunted that once sober not only do we pass go and collect $200, we do it quickly...Kind of like speed reading except for emotions. Quick learners we are!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
