My boyfriend relapsed and is now back in rehab
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Join Date: Mar 2015
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My boyfriend relapsed and is now back in rehab
I met my boyfriend when I was 15, we didn't start dating then but I knew him for a long time. I knew all the bad things he had done through out his life and all the drugs he had gotten himself into. I stopped hanging around him after learning about his drug abuse, and my boyfriend At the time thought me and him were secretly dating (crazy guy) so for the four years I was with my ex my interactions with my current boyfriend were scarce.
Fast forward 6 years, finding him clean from opiates for three years, in great shape, and still the nicest guy. Needless to say after on and off dating for 6 months we've been together for almost 8. We moved very fast in our relationship, we had already gotten through the getting to know you stage when. We were younger and we had seen each other through out the years with the same glance and smile knowing there was something between us. So all that awkwardness of the beginning of a relationship was out of the way. We fell hard, well I thought it was we. He said I love you first, and it took me nearly a month to say it back. I know it seems soon but it didn't feel rushed.
For the first 3 months of him actually being my boyfriend, he had a great job, a nice car and he was so much fun to be around. The downside? He sold weed and sometimes partied a little too hard for me. Well all that partying caught up to him and that great job disappeared and the cops caught up to him with the weed selling. So the bills start pouring in and piling up, and the debts he owe his drug dealers start to pile up and he is so stressed out he starts to become a different person. Angry, moody, sad and sometimes just mean. He had lost all his charm and patience and was beyond needy. And don't get me wrong for the first couple months I was totally supportive, after 5 months of being unemployed and seeing there being no progress I began to waiver. But I love him so I stuck by.
Then it all started to show itself. In what seemed like a matter of weeks, he dropped 20 pounds, his eyes slowly began to sink back into his head. He always made up stories about how he filled his day. And I knew we were back to the drug use. I asked a few times just to see if he was ready for help but he did nothing but deny it and blame it on stress. Sometimes he would get so angry at the accusations that he wouldn't talk to me for days. I can only imagine those were some of his worse days. He finally decided he needed help and called me crying saying he needed to go to detox. So his parents and I made sure he got to where he needed to be and for a few days things seemed good. He sounded healthier and happier so I went to pick him up.
His sobriety lasted a week, and not to take anything away from sober time but he thought he had me fooled for a month before the worst of it came about.
On a Monday night I accused my boyfriend of nodding out in my car, which is a sign of over dose so naturally I was afraid. I drove around, fuming of course, for a couple hours until I knew he would be okay to be home alone. The next day I get a phone call from him, slurring his words talking about a concussion he was trying to make everyone believe he had from falling off a ladder. Swearing up and down that he wasn't high, that he loved me so much and he wouldn't lie to me. It made me sick to listen to him. I kept hanging up on him, after him continuously calling me for hours he finally stopped. One of his "friends". I use quotes because he was the supplier and they got high togehter so they weren't real friends., texted me later on in the night told me not to worry my boyfriend had just fallen asleep and he was keeping on eye in him. Needless to say that didn't exactly calm my nerves.
Two days later I get a phone call from my boyfriends mother while I'm at work that my boyfriend was dead from a drug overdose and to get to the hospital as soon as I can. I of course drop everything and go. After what seemed the longest hour in my life they told me he was conscious and I could go see him. Not exactly the easiest thing to see. His parents and I begged and pleaded with him to get help,can't said if he refused he was on his own, couldn't go home, couldn't shower, couldn't even have a ride back to his town, mind you it was 20 degrees outside and he was hit with narcan so he was going through withdrawals.
He refused to go from the hospital but promised he would go the next day, since he was not allowed in his house me and him stayed in a hotel for the night. The next day I drove us to meet his father to find detoxes we could get him into. We called everyone we knew any sort of connection and finally we got him a bed in the detox he was in before for the next day. So we spent one more night in a hotel and his father drove him there the next morning. We told him before he left that if he wasn't looking to seek further treatment to not count on us for a ride home or any support, tough love they say. Well he bought and after the five day detox(what a joke those are) he went to a Phoenix rehab facility, but snuck his phone in and got caught so he said. I personally think he didn't like it and he walked out.
That night he hopped a train home, and his parents would still not let him in. I went and picked him up and he spent the night at my house. The next morning I left for work. I got a phone call around 2 saying he was on his way to a 30 day treatment center, that he asked to go to. Great step and in great direction. This place is nice, it's not that high class rehab they advertise on tv that looks more like a resort than a drug facility, but it is nice in terms of rehabs. From what he's told me, on our 10 minute phone calls, is the food is great, the way they are going about the 12 steps, sobriety is really working for him. And I must say I haven't heard him his happy in months. As much as it warms my heart I still resent him for all the pain and stress he has put me and his family and friends through.
I have been going to family anonymous meetings with his mom and I must say they really do help with all of this. However some days are harder than others and so I turned to this to Maybe help a little bit more.
I am so happy I didn't give up on him, and I know to take this one day at a time. But every day is a victory, and this has helped me deal with things in my every day life easier than before. Everyone so far has told me to run, to stand by him through the rehab, but afterwards to run. And I can't say I haven't been thinking about it. But there's something in his voice and all the faith he has in himself and the want to live not only sober but as a better person all around, keeps me hanging on. So maybe I'm stupid, and I will end up kicking myself for it but I have faith in him, so I'm following my heart and my gut, and hopefully this time my head is just being too conscious based on prior terrible ex boyfriend experiences.
Fast forward 6 years, finding him clean from opiates for three years, in great shape, and still the nicest guy. Needless to say after on and off dating for 6 months we've been together for almost 8. We moved very fast in our relationship, we had already gotten through the getting to know you stage when. We were younger and we had seen each other through out the years with the same glance and smile knowing there was something between us. So all that awkwardness of the beginning of a relationship was out of the way. We fell hard, well I thought it was we. He said I love you first, and it took me nearly a month to say it back. I know it seems soon but it didn't feel rushed.
For the first 3 months of him actually being my boyfriend, he had a great job, a nice car and he was so much fun to be around. The downside? He sold weed and sometimes partied a little too hard for me. Well all that partying caught up to him and that great job disappeared and the cops caught up to him with the weed selling. So the bills start pouring in and piling up, and the debts he owe his drug dealers start to pile up and he is so stressed out he starts to become a different person. Angry, moody, sad and sometimes just mean. He had lost all his charm and patience and was beyond needy. And don't get me wrong for the first couple months I was totally supportive, after 5 months of being unemployed and seeing there being no progress I began to waiver. But I love him so I stuck by.
Then it all started to show itself. In what seemed like a matter of weeks, he dropped 20 pounds, his eyes slowly began to sink back into his head. He always made up stories about how he filled his day. And I knew we were back to the drug use. I asked a few times just to see if he was ready for help but he did nothing but deny it and blame it on stress. Sometimes he would get so angry at the accusations that he wouldn't talk to me for days. I can only imagine those were some of his worse days. He finally decided he needed help and called me crying saying he needed to go to detox. So his parents and I made sure he got to where he needed to be and for a few days things seemed good. He sounded healthier and happier so I went to pick him up.
His sobriety lasted a week, and not to take anything away from sober time but he thought he had me fooled for a month before the worst of it came about.
On a Monday night I accused my boyfriend of nodding out in my car, which is a sign of over dose so naturally I was afraid. I drove around, fuming of course, for a couple hours until I knew he would be okay to be home alone. The next day I get a phone call from him, slurring his words talking about a concussion he was trying to make everyone believe he had from falling off a ladder. Swearing up and down that he wasn't high, that he loved me so much and he wouldn't lie to me. It made me sick to listen to him. I kept hanging up on him, after him continuously calling me for hours he finally stopped. One of his "friends". I use quotes because he was the supplier and they got high togehter so they weren't real friends., texted me later on in the night told me not to worry my boyfriend had just fallen asleep and he was keeping on eye in him. Needless to say that didn't exactly calm my nerves.
Two days later I get a phone call from my boyfriends mother while I'm at work that my boyfriend was dead from a drug overdose and to get to the hospital as soon as I can. I of course drop everything and go. After what seemed the longest hour in my life they told me he was conscious and I could go see him. Not exactly the easiest thing to see. His parents and I begged and pleaded with him to get help,can't said if he refused he was on his own, couldn't go home, couldn't shower, couldn't even have a ride back to his town, mind you it was 20 degrees outside and he was hit with narcan so he was going through withdrawals.
He refused to go from the hospital but promised he would go the next day, since he was not allowed in his house me and him stayed in a hotel for the night. The next day I drove us to meet his father to find detoxes we could get him into. We called everyone we knew any sort of connection and finally we got him a bed in the detox he was in before for the next day. So we spent one more night in a hotel and his father drove him there the next morning. We told him before he left that if he wasn't looking to seek further treatment to not count on us for a ride home or any support, tough love they say. Well he bought and after the five day detox(what a joke those are) he went to a Phoenix rehab facility, but snuck his phone in and got caught so he said. I personally think he didn't like it and he walked out.
That night he hopped a train home, and his parents would still not let him in. I went and picked him up and he spent the night at my house. The next morning I left for work. I got a phone call around 2 saying he was on his way to a 30 day treatment center, that he asked to go to. Great step and in great direction. This place is nice, it's not that high class rehab they advertise on tv that looks more like a resort than a drug facility, but it is nice in terms of rehabs. From what he's told me, on our 10 minute phone calls, is the food is great, the way they are going about the 12 steps, sobriety is really working for him. And I must say I haven't heard him his happy in months. As much as it warms my heart I still resent him for all the pain and stress he has put me and his family and friends through.
I have been going to family anonymous meetings with his mom and I must say they really do help with all of this. However some days are harder than others and so I turned to this to Maybe help a little bit more.
I am so happy I didn't give up on him, and I know to take this one day at a time. But every day is a victory, and this has helped me deal with things in my every day life easier than before. Everyone so far has told me to run, to stand by him through the rehab, but afterwards to run. And I can't say I haven't been thinking about it. But there's something in his voice and all the faith he has in himself and the want to live not only sober but as a better person all around, keeps me hanging on. So maybe I'm stupid, and I will end up kicking myself for it but I have faith in him, so I'm following my heart and my gut, and hopefully this time my head is just being too conscious based on prior terrible ex boyfriend experiences.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi and welcome h0pefuLl 
You'll find a lot of support and understanding here and in our Family and Friends sections too
I hope your bf makes this his turning point. I'm glad you have support too
D
You'll find a lot of support and understanding here and in our Family and Friends sections too
I hope your bf makes this his turning point. I'm glad you have support too
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
My working with newcomers for a lot of years is sometimes so frustrating, congratulations for hanging in there.
Try to remember to take care of your own sanity because all we can do is all we can do. I’ve never got anyone sober or drunk, they do it themselves.
BE STRONG AND WELL
My working with newcomers for a lot of years is sometimes so frustrating, congratulations for hanging in there.
Try to remember to take care of your own sanity because all we can do is all we can do. I’ve never got anyone sober or drunk, they do it themselves.
BE STRONG AND WELL
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