Stewy84

I didn't think things could get this bad, but they have.

I had my mum in tears yesterday, she doesn't know what to do to make me feel better.

I'm feeling worse than ever 3 months into this depression there is no let up. Im starting to think if it's depression and anxiety at all and that I'm just pointlessly taking tablets and it's something else entirely.

I had blood tests for vitamin deficiency and anaemia. Thyroid came back ok.

Work are asking when I'm coming back, the pressure is building

This is a living hell, things are getting worse, not better, I have experienced zero relief on this medication and all I want to do is stay in bed. I'm a total wreck.

My relationships are crumbling around me, I have to summon the will to get my daughter today and see her tomorrow. Nothing is motivating me anymore, nothing makes sense anymore and If there is a god there then why am I being made to suffer like this for no obvious reason.

FreeOwl

damn, Stewy.... that sounds awful.

Do you have a therapist?

I've never dealt with depression that hard and strong, but I've had bouts of it in sobriety and found that working intensely with a therapist helped me get through it and come out the other side even stronger.

Keep on sharing here, at minimum.... just talking about it and getting it out is important.

AddictGuy

Hey Stewy,

It sounds rough. I have had some long term depression but it wasn't so that I couldn't work. So I have never been that deep in it. I don't know your background. I just wanted to say that I read your post, my heart goes out to you and your mum. Maybe someone will know better than me and post more helpful stuff. There are some really good and knowledgeable people here among us. I just know some of them will be reaching back to you as you reach out here.

AG

Evienne

I'm sorry you feel so badly, Stewy. Maybe FreeOwl is right, for a lot of people medication just doesn't cut it. It never worked for me either. Talking to a professional might help you see the underlying issues that are holding you back.

Try to focus on what you have, at least for now, how's your daughter doing? How's the weather where you live? Maybe she (and your mom perhaps) would like to go on a walk in nature with you tomorrow.

Stewy84

I literally have no clue what to do

I'm done talking to the counsellor, I'm ****** off with the medication and there's no way I'm right for work

Quitting drink was supposed to be a positive not something that's plunged me into the worst spell ever

FreeOwl

it will be better... keep going.

if the counselor isn't working out for you, try another.

don't give up.

Soberwolf

Stewy have you considered rehab to try & help i know your sober but this has been going on for some time and it must be extremly tough and im concerned things might continue to spiral

Going rehab might help my sister is in a 6 month rehab & she is doing exellent best ive seen her in years

thinking of you bud here if you ever want to talk

Aellyce

I had a similar thought to soberwolf's... just instead of rehab as a specific treatment for addiction, maybe check into a hospital, just go to an ER first and tell them all that you have been telling us here over a few weeks. Or some kind of inpatient mental health treatment facility? Was your antidepressant prescribed by a psychiatrist (sorry maybe you said this before I just don't remember). If so, talk with them and ask for a more thorough evaluation and possibilities for inpatient treatment for a while? They could then explore many different options if this is not getting better at all with the tools you have been using so far.

My primary suggestion, if I may have one, would be that you go to an ER now. I did this before with much, much milder issues than what yours seems to be... never had a bad experience, it was helpful in different ways.

Anna

Stewy, my advice is to not give up, ever.

If you're done with the therapist you have, find another one.

If the medication isn't working, go back to your dr and ask to try something else.

If you give up, nothing will change.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

DuhDave

Stewy. Most AD meds take 6-8 weeks to really start working and you feeling the difference. If after this time you see no improvement talk to your doc. You may need to find one that does work and it may take time.

Physical excercise helps tremendously ! Instantly !

Just dont give up ! NEVER GIVE UP !!!

P.S. AD meds dont work if your still drinking. You must be sober.

DD

kzaug2014

Stewy, my name is Kim & I've been dealing w/manic depression and PTSD for nearly 11yrs now.
There are psychiatrists out there now days that can do DNA tests to find out which precise antidepressants to give patients ( 11yrs ago, I went through @vleast a doz. until I found which one worked for me. )
And I also agree w/rehab!
6mos ago, I was on heroin, methadone and klonopin.
I went to rehab & have 6mos clean now!

Redemption28

Maybe it's the meds making you ill. I had to come off mine because of the bloody side effects.

Redemption28

They turned me into a zombie and all I wanted to do was stay in bed. Was totally fatigued. Maybe you would do better off them.

Just sharing my experiences on anti-depressants. Hope you feel better soon.

Verte

Hi Stewy,

Are you in the UK? My suggestion is in line with Haennie's. It sounds as if you need more intensive treatment and monitoring for your own safety and well-being. I am not sure who prescribed the medication, but I would either 1) call the med prescribing physician first thing in the morning and ask for an urgent appointment to get the ball rolling ASAP for more intensive treatment, monitoring and therapy or 2) if you have already tried #1 then head to the ER tonight.

You need to focus on you and stabilize your mood and emotions so you can function and get tapped into as many resources as possible to stay well. Then you can work on finding a good counsellor/therapist fit.

Must you return to work soon? Is $ running out, afraid of losing benefits or something else? You need to get this mental state sussed out and have as many resources at your fingertips before you put yourself under more stress. Docs can write return to work letters.

I am afraid for you right now as this has been going on for quite a while without improvement. Do not drink!! And like Anna and everyone have written...DO NOT GIVE UP. This is the time to take a deep breath and keep pushing forward. This is your life.

Stewy84

Hi guys,

I'm not giving up, I have felt better today and my anxiety has been less I've managed to visit my sister and look after my girlfriend who is recovering at home from an operation.

I have the Gp again in the morning, will discuss my situation again and ask for the results of my full blood count to rule out any other medical causes.

I feel better being around my girlfriend which is a good sign, I have spent a lot of time on my own over the last 3 months .

I'm on venlafaxine 75mg daily, I know this med has larger doses if I need them and there is more flexibility than the citalopram.

I'm 146 days sober today and I'm pleased with that.

Soberwolf

Awesome fantastic news Stewy !!! way to go x 5000

Well happy for you sorry your gf is not well she has a great bf in you fella

146 days amazing spk soon bud

Stewy84

Cheers soberwolf!!!!!!!!!

least

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today. Depression is a real kick in the butt. Congrats on your sober time. And maybe try a different dose or a different med. Ask your doctor about it.

Jupiters

Glad to hear you have a GP appt.
I know I had to have some meds switched when I was taking some anti-d's.
The first one I was put on, after 6 weeks, had me in such a state. It was horrible.
Way worse than had I NOT been on anything. Clearly, that wasn't meshing with me.
I hope your Dr. and you can find something that will help.

hang in there stewy.
and congrats 146 days!

(I also went to 3 different counsellors before I found one that I knew I could work with)

LBrain

Hang in there stewy, give the meds and therapy a chance to work.