red3215

I was doing great then had a month long relapse. I'm scared this could happen again. I have anxiety now because alcohol got a hold of me again so now the thought of not drinking ever is scary. But I'm even more afraid I'll drink again.

I was only drinking after midnight since stores don't sell after that time so I couldn't go running back for more. It worked til I just really didn't want to go to work one day and so picked up some vodka beforehand. Years ago I drank before work all the time and it felt totally normal.

I just got buzzed but then I kept going out for more alcohol on my breaks and got seriously buzzed and acting goofy, making co-workers laugh and having fun. Then I overheard a couple remarks from people asking what was in my coffee and I got this terrible feeling people suspected I was drunk or on something. I was also rude to a supervisor who's always been rude to me. Now she really hates me and I think she wants me fired. I have got to stay sober, especially before work.

I am just needing to reach out because I feel alone with my problem and I'm really getting tired of the clouds outside every day.. It's 1023am and I haven't officially gotten up, been awake a couple hours. I just want to lay in bed forever some days.

I know what I need to do to stay sober and that's spend a lot of time on this board and remembering why I want to be sober. Time, time, time. It worked before. It can work again. Thanks for being there, SR folks

Soberwolf

(((Redladyslipper))) have you spoke to a dr recently about how your feeling ?

Good job reaching out if you ever want to talk you can always send a pm

red3215

Thank you, soberwolf. I'll send you a pm.

tate9685

Try posting here everyday, going to AA and getting a temporary sponsor and hopefully you can hold onto your job while you get sober.

BlindsidedBetty

How are you doing, Red Lady?

Pouncer

I am kind of in the same boat Red Lady. My private problem is not so private anymore and I have really pissed off a lot of people. I am a day drinker, bottle hider, at-home-alone type. I don't know how many times I have stopped and started again. I am terrified of drinking again, but I have to do it to taper down. The more I drink, the more I want to drink so I can forget about how unmanageable my life is.

Anna

Hi Redladyslipper,

Making the decision to never drink alcohol again, ever, is a tough one, but it's important for your recovery. I think what you're seeing is that alcoholism is a progressive disease. It gets worse unless you stop, and each relapse is harder to recover from. That's the nature of the disease. And, alcohol is a depressant and that's possibly part of the reason you don't want to get out of bed.

Have faith that you can stop drinking and live a sober life. You are not alone.