nymets86

I think I've posted some stuff about this topic in the past, but really been thinking a lot about it today since I received some recognition both at work and for some of my postgraduate achievements.

I'm 100% fixated on beating my one-month sober last summer and that served as motivation for me to by pass all the liquor stores on the way home.

Now I'm home enjoying the Rangers/Islanders game and in general feeling pretty good.

For me, this is a HUGE trigger. Almost moreso than when I'm depressed or something bad happens. I really can't figure out why my AV wants to take these positive things and turn it into a regretful night with a bad hangover tomorrow. It's even telling me that "hey, these recognitions all came from stuff you did before you got sober 20 days ago, so go ahead and drink!"

Does anyone else find excitement to equally be a trigger? Maybe even one that's harder to stop with adrenaline and dopamine already flooding the brain.

I know that tomorrow will be a ton better not having a hangover and having to try to hide the smell of booze on me at work.

I guess I'm just taking away from this night that I'm getting better identifying triggers and realizing having good feelings and bad feelings and not drinking is all good. Just experiencing life. No alcohol needed to enhance the good and erase the bad. It just makes the good feelings turn to bad ones and the bad ones that much worse.

Cowgirlie

Hey well done on your achievements!
Yes I think alcohol is so wrapped up in the concept of celebration, it's hard to unravel them at times.
Even greetings cards and wrapping paper have pictures of champagne flutes etc!
Interesting theory about the roles of dopamine and adrenaline as possible catalyst; very 'intoxicating' mix of hormones if you'll ex use the public!
I know this summer I'm going to find sunny BBQs difficult to disassociate with a cool drink; again that summer vitamin D etc combo!
Great job on Using your thoughts/feelings tonight as an analytical exercise to further strengthen your resolve

waywardson8260

Good job! Knowing what the triggers are is necessary before you can develop strategies to counter them.

Soberwolf

Congrats Nymets

PurpleKnight

Next week is St Patricks day, 17th March, it comes around like clock work each year, and as Irish man there is no escaping it, it will happen, I will wake up on the 17th and will be bombarded with Guinness adverts, people going out celebrating, alcohol will be flowing and temptation will be all around!!

But there is a choice, sure let the endorphins flow, but mere thoughts don't lead to a hangover in the morning, only actions can do that, and we get a say in not carrying out those actions, we can stay Sober, and be "non drinkers" in all of this.

Alcohol is not the centre of the social universe, we have a choice and many people in this world choose not to drink, we can be one of those people, we can find enjoyment in doing other things!!

heartcore

"hey, these recognitions all came from stuff you did before you got sober 20 days ago, so go ahead and drink!"

That's a crafty little AV you've got there...very crafty...

I'm with you that achievements and celebration are harder for me sober than challenges are. I don't have the anger and sadness issues that many grapple with; my difficult times are in joy and connection, which for me are intimately linked with alcohol.

I can only say that I just "get through" those moments, arguing with my AV that nurturing my health and body are a reward, that choosing a life of sobriety means a celebration of my life every day, and that I can build to even more joyous celebration because I will have the means and energy to do so.

For my birthday this year, I already signed up for a four day kayaking adventure. I relapsed last year on my birthday. I'm trying to be more deliberate and create environments that are special and extraordinary without adding any intoxicants.

nymets86

Great idea on the kayaking trip for your birthday. My 30th (ugh) is this summer and I'm thinking of either treating myself to a trip in Europe or going with my dad and brother on a hike in upstate New York. I've done the tallest peaks in New Hampshire, Vermont and Maine, and it's just such a great feeling of accomplishment getting to the top. And then it takes forever to get down, so there's not that immediate ability to drink.

Anyway, Rangers just won in a thriller. Very similar to the Rangers/Islanders game a few weeks ago. The game a few weeks ago I think I pounded down about a pint and a half of vodka during the final two periods and while I remember the game ending, I was obliterated shortly thereafter and then the next morning at work pretended I'd been out watching it with friends to explain my bloodshot eyes.

Tonight, I pounded over a liter of sparking water (sodastreams are such a good investment) and the adrenaline is just wearing off and I'm getting ready to call it an early evening.

Just feel a lot better about myself now than I did waking up the morning after watching that last game.

I see my therapist in the morning before work and am thinking I might try to get up super early and hit the gym to work off some of this positive energy.

nymets86

I really need to remind myself how much better a morning like this is than a hungover morning. It's still dark out here. I feel like when I've been up this early in the past, it's been to run to the fridge to get Gatorade or water and then taking a bunch of ibuprofen before going back to bed to try and alleviate the hangover. Such a bummer doing that to my body and turning good feelings the night before into regret over my actions and a stupid hangover.

Instead, I'm catching up on emails from friends/family that congratulated me, watching highlights of the Rangers game (I love watching highlights of games I just watched for some reason, especially if my team won), and preparing for the gym.

Soberwolf

Good work Nymets waking up sober is awesome

Enjoy catching up & working out at the gym

Have a great day

Gottalife

I'm not sure what your ultimate goal is but it seems a risky strategy to focus on a set period of sobriety, kinda sounds like a drink will be at the end of it and the trigger will just be the excuse.

A good example is the number of people I have seen in AA who focus on 90 in 90 as a goal and then celebrate its achievement by getting drunk.

The real AA approach is unlimited sobriety which can only be accomplished by staying sober today. It is what we do today that builds our tomorrow.

nymets86

Mike, my ultimate goal is to never drink again. It's a daunting thought.

Last year, I did 30 days. And while my goal is forever, last night, I just kept saying to myself "I need to beat last year's record." So it's not that I'm planning on doing 31 days and then drinking this year, but I'm just using that as a short term milestone to get me through the tough cravings. Maybe I'm setting myself up for failure, but I'm just trying something different to deal with sobriety this go around.

Next Thursday, which will be Day 29 for me will be the first day of the NCAA Tournament (I don't count the play-in games, haha). I don't think there's been a single NCAA first day I haven't gotten totally hammered on since my Sophomore year in college, when I was at one of the tournament sites. They don't serve booze at the sites for the NCAA, so that's the only reason I was sober. I know it's going to be a test this year but I know I can't let myself down and go back to Day 1 when I'm SOOO close to beating last year's record.

Just sorta making it a competition in my head.

ArcticSA

Yes! Very annoyin. My AV pipes up whenever I get excited or happy or when something good is happening. And less when I am feeling down!
It's like "Come on, can't I just enjoy the moment without you!"
Days off, movie nights, cook outs, a big paycheck, nice weather. All excuses to hear from the Beer Brain.

StellaPolaris

I’m spending all this excess energy I have cleaning out my spare bedroom and turning it into a crafts room. It’s a lot of heavy lifting, but I’m almost done. After work today I’m going to buy some wheels for my crafts table, and my immediate thought was “I’ve worked hard, got my paycheck today (including a decent raise), going to a store in the next town where none of the cashiers know me” – it all screams that celebratory beers are in order! Just a few years ago I would have bought a sixpack, drunk two and saved the rest for later, no problem. This reward-fixation..! Nipped it in the bud and decided to cook something nice for myself instead, maybe even buy some yarn (quitting a $50 a day beer habit allows for some indulgence).