Nowsthetime

And it's great!!!

My mother in visiting... Yesterday was my daughter's birthday so I had a lot to do for her celebration. In the am my mother asked me to help her with a 30 page document she is working on but I told her I couldn't because of the Bday celebration plus I have my own work I have to do... She didn't like it much but backed off. This morning she tried to give me a guilt trip saying that I never help her, so I just repeated that I have my own responsibilities to take care of, which is true.

Before I would have been scrambling to do everything she asked plus my things and I would be resenting my mom for "making" me help her.

It might sound strange but until I got here I had no idea about what setting boundaries means and that saying no is a possibility, an acceptable possibility.

Another reason I am so grateful for this place!!!

People came over and had some drinks but I didn't... I don't drink anymore. The best thing is that nobody pressured me or asked. Sneaky AV was hanging out but really had no power.

This is what I want and I'm doing it. I'm making it happen!!!

I started second guessing myself today but I did the right thing, correct?

Anna

I was in the same place as you were. I had no boundaries in my life, especially where my immediate family was concerned. It also became glaringly obvious that lack of boundaries in my life was keeping me drinking. I have found such freedom in my life to say 'No' and feel okay, even good about it.

Nowsthetime

Thanks for responding Anna...

immri

Im exactly the same, I'm only just finding the need to set these boundaries now, having learnt a lot here and from other sober people
And yes, I think you did the right thing!

Soberwolf

You done fantastic Nowsthetime

Aellyce

I had problems with boundaries, too. Mine was a sort of dichotomy: I would either tend to be very secretive and indifferent, or have no boundaries at all with certain people. All the self-work I have done and knowledge I have gained in sobriety has been very helpful in taking this to a healthier level, although I still struggle a but at times with my old pattern. For me, one of the people I had lots of problems setting boundaries with was my father.

Great job!

heartcore

Yay for you!! Yay for boundaries!!

Part of the magic of sobriety is that as we grow in setting firm & powerful boundaries with alcohol, it slowly becomes second nature to take care of ourselves & set boundaries in other aspects of our lives as well.

Sometimes my boundary setting is clumsy. Sometimes people resist. I remember a couple of months ago just asking someone outright - why are you resisting my needs so vehemently?

That's part of the experience too - I've discovered that there were MANY people in my life who had chosen me because my boundaries were weak. Those folks are falling by the wayside, one boundary discussion (& ensuing discomfort) at a time. It makes me feel sad that I was allowing so many folks to take advantage of my time & resources without reciprocating! Sad & mad. I've decided that I want reciprocity in all of my friendships/relationships, as well as a bit of compassion & understanding. That is what I am now expecting of people. There are many empty spots in my life since I got sober & my vision cleared; I will leave them empty until they are filled by people who are willing to help me in return...