Blew it again!!
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 112
Blew it again!!
My daughter just turned 21. She is actually my step daughter. Her own mother abandoned her and I have no children of my own so......she is my daughter by all accounts.
We were always very, very close. She was a very sweet, thoughtful, loving kid. I think I was a good mother. Looking back, I can see how my codependency had a negative impact but at the time, I had no idea I was even codependent.
Financially, she had a pretty good life so I will say she was spoiled in many ways. But she always wanted to work, did choirs, did well in school and was a pretty easy daughter.
She had encouraged me to leave her dad. She always said it would be me, her and God. When she turned 18, everything changed!! She was a different kid. She moved out. She didn't want anything to with either me or her father, although she would still make contact with me but not him! I thought this was her big rebellion.
After I left my husband, she moved back in with him and "hated" me only. I was in shock. My friends and family were shocked. She is well aware of her dad's addiction problems and claimed she want nothing to do with him ever again. I always said he was sick, not bad!!
I was left wondering......is she using drugs? Is blood thicker then water? Is this the damaged behavior from a child that came from a home with addiction issues? Then of course, I constantly wondered what I did wrong.
She recently contacted me about her dad. She did know he and I were talking a little again, which of course was a big mistake. I knew to take it slowly but I didn't. I pushed too hard and she reacted in her now "I want nothing to do with you again" attitude. I just really miss her and wanted to talk things out. Yet, She is not one to talk things out and I knew that.
I am so hurt by her. I can not believe she sided with her father. The way she has treated me has been so hurtful. Of course, he isn't about "feelings" either so they pretty much just have small, superficial conversations.
I am just so mad at myself for pushing too hard with her. She has been through a lot in young life and is obviously very hurt and confused too.
Her dad's addictions are progressing, things are not good, and I really fear for her. I think my fear was the motivating factor of why I pushed so hard.
Have any of you experienced being cutoff by your kids? I really need to let this go and give it to God again. I was doing so good for a while but now I am back to questioning what I could have done that was so bad?? Ughhhh
P.S. My friends and family just keep telling me to move forward in my life, not question it and let them both go. Someday she may come back. It's just so hard to loose them both, especially her.
We were always very, very close. She was a very sweet, thoughtful, loving kid. I think I was a good mother. Looking back, I can see how my codependency had a negative impact but at the time, I had no idea I was even codependent.
Financially, she had a pretty good life so I will say she was spoiled in many ways. But she always wanted to work, did choirs, did well in school and was a pretty easy daughter.
She had encouraged me to leave her dad. She always said it would be me, her and God. When she turned 18, everything changed!! She was a different kid. She moved out. She didn't want anything to with either me or her father, although she would still make contact with me but not him! I thought this was her big rebellion.
After I left my husband, she moved back in with him and "hated" me only. I was in shock. My friends and family were shocked. She is well aware of her dad's addiction problems and claimed she want nothing to do with him ever again. I always said he was sick, not bad!!
I was left wondering......is she using drugs? Is blood thicker then water? Is this the damaged behavior from a child that came from a home with addiction issues? Then of course, I constantly wondered what I did wrong.
She recently contacted me about her dad. She did know he and I were talking a little again, which of course was a big mistake. I knew to take it slowly but I didn't. I pushed too hard and she reacted in her now "I want nothing to do with you again" attitude. I just really miss her and wanted to talk things out. Yet, She is not one to talk things out and I knew that.
I am so hurt by her. I can not believe she sided with her father. The way she has treated me has been so hurtful. Of course, he isn't about "feelings" either so they pretty much just have small, superficial conversations.
I am just so mad at myself for pushing too hard with her. She has been through a lot in young life and is obviously very hurt and confused too.
Her dad's addictions are progressing, things are not good, and I really fear for her. I think my fear was the motivating factor of why I pushed so hard.
Have any of you experienced being cutoff by your kids? I really need to let this go and give it to God again. I was doing so good for a while but now I am back to questioning what I could have done that was so bad?? Ughhhh
P.S. My friends and family just keep telling me to move forward in my life, not question it and let them both go. Someday she may come back. It's just so hard to loose them both, especially her.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
FindingMe2...Of course, I don't know the specifics of this last encounter....but, I can tell you that young adult children can do and say dramatic things that they don't really "mean".
Especially, if they are angry.
They can, normally, spend periods of time out of contact with their parents or parent figures. Their attention is on their young world and they are so self-focused that they just feel that you are there on the sidelines and will always be there.
Looking, back, I probably was guilty of the same.
If you all were close and you were always there while she was growing up...the love is still there...and will resurface, again. It is just buried, for the present under a lot of "noise" of her current life.
As a mother...please try not to let the guilt swallow you up...we all have that "mother's guilt".
I don't think you have heard the last of her. I'm sure of it...lol.
Just be patient. Sometimes it takes them quite a while.
dandylion
***all over the world, every day, there are mothers..wringing their hands..asking: "Why hasn't he/she called!!??"
Especially, if they are angry.
They can, normally, spend periods of time out of contact with their parents or parent figures. Their attention is on their young world and they are so self-focused that they just feel that you are there on the sidelines and will always be there.
Looking, back, I probably was guilty of the same.
If you all were close and you were always there while she was growing up...the love is still there...and will resurface, again. It is just buried, for the present under a lot of "noise" of her current life.
As a mother...please try not to let the guilt swallow you up...we all have that "mother's guilt".
I don't think you have heard the last of her. I'm sure of it...lol.
Just be patient. Sometimes it takes them quite a while.
dandylion
***all over the world, every day, there are mothers..wringing their hands..asking: "Why hasn't he/she called!!??"
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