pinkpeony

I mentioned AH has been pretty good lately. Drinking but not being drunk, has been nice, going out of his way doing things for me, ect.....

So, I fell for it.
Let my guard down and we were intimate a couple times.

BUT I've been FULL of anxiety since. I have 1 Xanax left that I'm saving for a true emergency and have almost taken it several times.
Have had a stomach ache all day and evening.
Feeling used.

He gets to have his cake and eat it too. Which is just how he likes it.
Hate myself for this. Ugh.

Someone yell at me and tell me what a dumb thing that was! I just feel sooooo awful.

biminiblue

No sense beating yourself up - but listen to that anxiety stomach ache.

We've all gone back one time too many.

Just use it as a stepping stone.

Katchie

Ahh...I have been there! No, don't be angry with yourself. Learn from it and get over it.
Sometimes we need to find a little enjoyment in this world, just keep it all in its proper place and perspective. It doesn't change anything or heal anything and it doesn't mean you have to put your guard down and not be wise.

You're ok...hugs!

AnvilheadII

normally, turning to your husband for affection is a normal, acceptable, positive thing.

you wanted THAT.

problem is..............your AH can't BE that for you. he did his NICE act to get you to submit. gave you enough intermittent attention that you thought for sure this time you would get the TREAT.

you are becoming more aware of your own needs, wants, values, ethics and morals............we lose touch with that when we become enmeshed in another human. we leave ourselves and become THEM.

maia1234

PP- Move forward and learn from your mistakes. They are so good at saying and doing stuff to get their own way. We fall for it every time.

(((((((hugs)))))))))))

hopeful4

Honey, just see it for what it is. You tried to see if that could work, it did not. Now you know, and going forward, do what is right for yourself. That is absolutely ok.

Tight hugs. XXX

marie1960

All part of the lather, rinse, repeat cycle.

In my situation, the active alcoholic had such a charismatic way about him. Gift of gab, well mannered, intelligent, and just fun to be around, until............

Pretty certain if any of us witnessed the true nature of their disease the first time meeting them, we would run for the hills.

Sometimes we stay in this situation and get a front row seat of how this disease progresses and that how we end up here, shaking our heads in disbelief, and asking the question, now what?

You certainly are not the first or only one to have been bamboozled, go easy on yourself.

(hugs)

zoso77

Remember this, pink.

The only thing you can change in this whole dynamic is you.

pinkpeony

Thanks so much for the wise words and the support!

redatlanta

It happens Pink. Move on from it. Remember the icky feeling for next time..... because there will be a next time.

Most of all be kind to yourself. Talk to your self about this make a plan for how you will handle it in the future.