AS in rehab but smoking Spice
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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AS in rehab but smoking Spice
AS has been in rehab for 2 months. He's getting frustrated with the rules and being there. He knows he can't move back with me and is looking for housing while he's there, but he is severely restricted from going on too many appointments.
It's basically a 3 month program, which he's agreed to commit to. Has been doing very well until I found out he started smoking spice yesterday and wound up in ER with a near heart attack.
He just earned weekend passes, so I let him come home last night for the weekend, thinking the spice thing was over and since rehab let him have the pass I couldn't say no.
Last night went fine. This morning I looked in a pouch he has and saw the Spice. HE went out for a cigarette and came back goofy, as if he had just smoked it. I gave him the opportunity to come clean, but he was so goofy. I let him know if he continues this way he can't come here on weekends. Finally I just took the spice out of the pouch he had around his waist and said that's it with that.
If he wants to come here on weekends or have me in his life helping him, which I'm willing to do if he stays clean and works on steps to help himself, no more spice.
Now I've got him drinking Green Tea to get it out of his system. Problem is I want him in rehab not only for him, but for me. He's close to getting his own low income housing soon. He's going to mental health and taking many steps to be responsible. He just got frustrated with the rehab and almost didn't go back after the ER. He's lucky they took him back.
It's basically a 3 month program, which he's agreed to commit to. Has been doing very well until I found out he started smoking spice yesterday and wound up in ER with a near heart attack.
He just earned weekend passes, so I let him come home last night for the weekend, thinking the spice thing was over and since rehab let him have the pass I couldn't say no.
Last night went fine. This morning I looked in a pouch he has and saw the Spice. HE went out for a cigarette and came back goofy, as if he had just smoked it. I gave him the opportunity to come clean, but he was so goofy. I let him know if he continues this way he can't come here on weekends. Finally I just took the spice out of the pouch he had around his waist and said that's it with that.
If he wants to come here on weekends or have me in his life helping him, which I'm willing to do if he stays clean and works on steps to help himself, no more spice.
Now I've got him drinking Green Tea to get it out of his system. Problem is I want him in rehab not only for him, but for me. He's close to getting his own low income housing soon. He's going to mental health and taking many steps to be responsible. He just got frustrated with the rehab and almost didn't go back after the ER. He's lucky they took him back.
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I didnt' get to finish before this posted.
Anyway, the way the rehab works it is clients are restricted for 60 days. Then they can go home for weekends and leave during the week from 4-7.
I didn't know this when he went there.
I give him credit for going back to rehab on his own. He was about to leave. I give him credit for staying clean all this time until recently with the Spice.
He will have to find his own living situation. He's 27 1/2 now and it's time. I will help with Sober Living for a month or so if that becomes necessary.
So...here it is his first weekend home, and I find out about the Spice. Told him no more weekends here if he doesn't pull it together now and that I won't help him with things.
I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and see how the weekend goes. I told him I don't want to play cop while he's here and to respect me and my home. I'm so disappointed, but realize he's an addict and maybe not fully committed to his recovery. AT least he goes back to rehab on Sunday evening. I'm not willing to save him, but will encourage him to do the right thing or else he's got nowhere to go. He's still manipulative, but he's an addict. It's really a matter of how much I'm willing to let him suck me into his stuff .
Thoughts from others very helpful now.
Anyway, the way the rehab works it is clients are restricted for 60 days. Then they can go home for weekends and leave during the week from 4-7.
I didn't know this when he went there.
I give him credit for going back to rehab on his own. He was about to leave. I give him credit for staying clean all this time until recently with the Spice.
He will have to find his own living situation. He's 27 1/2 now and it's time. I will help with Sober Living for a month or so if that becomes necessary.
So...here it is his first weekend home, and I find out about the Spice. Told him no more weekends here if he doesn't pull it together now and that I won't help him with things.
I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and see how the weekend goes. I told him I don't want to play cop while he's here and to respect me and my home. I'm so disappointed, but realize he's an addict and maybe not fully committed to his recovery. AT least he goes back to rehab on Sunday evening. I'm not willing to save him, but will encourage him to do the right thing or else he's got nowhere to go. He's still manipulative, but he's an addict. It's really a matter of how much I'm willing to let him suck me into his stuff .
Thoughts from others very helpful now.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Alaska
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When my X was in rehab, I understood that the did UAs upon returning. I also understand that Spice is an everchanging concoction. [We finally passed a law here in AK that banned this, and did so by having to address "misleading packaging."] Does the center involve you in any way? You could consider calling and saying you suspected he was using a drug that is not standardly tested. This is his battle though.
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Center doesn't really involve me much. In fact didn't even call me to tell me they called paramedics to take him to hospital. I found out when ER doctor called me to release him to family member, but I couldn't go then and requested psych consult in case he was trying to hurt himself. I did speak with them yesterday, which I initiated. They already suspect things, but can't prove it and decided to let him go for weekend anyway. I'm not comfortable telling them and also don't want to jeopardize his rehab, since he doesn't have any place to go and is trying to work with them by going back there. sounds crazy, I know, but I have to think of my peace of mind too.
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So, do I give him back the spice and let him figure out what he wants to do in rehab? Now he knows where I live and I don't want him banging on my door in the middle of the night if he gets kicked out.
He says they don't test for spice there. Dammit! He created this and I'm trying not to lose sleep over it and let it ruin my day.
He says they don't test for spice there. Dammit! He created this and I'm trying not to lose sleep over it and let it ruin my day.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Vaya, what do YOU want? You don't have to let him in your house regardless of whether he uses or not...he just brought drugs into your house, so you get to let that be the last time.
If he comes banging on your door, call the police, and if he has a key, change your locks.
And dump the spice, it was in your house, you get to dump it without apology to anyone.
Vaya, you need to decide what is and what is not okay in your life and then know that you get to call the shots. You are the mama, it's your home and your life.
How he does or doesn't do in rehab won't affect you if you have your own boundaries in place.
I hope he learned his lesson and does better next round...but my guess is that he's just not done and you don't have to allow addiction into your home.
Hugs from this mama's heart to yours. It just hard being the mama of an addict.
If he comes banging on your door, call the police, and if he has a key, change your locks.
And dump the spice, it was in your house, you get to dump it without apology to anyone.
Vaya, you need to decide what is and what is not okay in your life and then know that you get to call the shots. You are the mama, it's your home and your life.
How he does or doesn't do in rehab won't affect you if you have your own boundaries in place.
I hope he learned his lesson and does better next round...but my guess is that he's just not done and you don't have to allow addiction into your home.
Hugs from this mama's heart to yours. It just hard being the mama of an addict.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Vaya, Ann hit it out of the park with her counsel. Absorb her words and when you're ready, act accordingly.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 136
Originally Posted by vaya 
So, do I give him back the spice and let him figure out what he wants to do in rehab? Now he knows where I live and I don't want him banging on my door in the middle of the night if he gets kicked out.
He says they don't test for spice there. Dammit! He created this and I'm trying not to lose sleep over it and let it ruin my day.
He says they don't test for spice there. Dammit! He created this and I'm trying not to lose sleep over it and let it ruin my day.
I wrote more about this a few days ago here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hetic-pot.html
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Vaya - fwiw, I'm both a recovering addict and a loved one of addicts. I'm sorry for what you are going through.
All I can share is my ES&H. Though I never went through rehab, I did have to deal with my addiction. It wasn't easy, there were many triggers, but I had to choose recovery or keep using, even if it were something I'd not used... just something to take the edge off.
I chose recovery, but loved ones did not.
Whqt I learned is that, though I know addiction inside and out, if someone is not willing to choose recovery, I can't fix that.
Thanks to the great people here, I learned about detachment. Doesn't mean I don't love the person, simply means I can't fix them.
Easy to say, hard to do. As an addict, I was blessed by loved ones who let me follow my own path. I dug a really deep hole and had to find my own way out. Once I was in true recovery, the support was there.
I will tell you that, knowing everything I knew about addiction? My step-mom dealt with it and she died a little over a year ago. The dad that showed me tough love could not do the same for her. I don't blame him, but I'm more aware of letting someone deal with their demons vs trying to help someone who has only using on the brain.
Hugs and prayers.,
Amy
All I can share is my ES&H. Though I never went through rehab, I did have to deal with my addiction. It wasn't easy, there were many triggers, but I had to choose recovery or keep using, even if it were something I'd not used... just something to take the edge off.
I chose recovery, but loved ones did not.
Whqt I learned is that, though I know addiction inside and out, if someone is not willing to choose recovery, I can't fix that.
Thanks to the great people here, I learned about detachment. Doesn't mean I don't love the person, simply means I can't fix them.
Easy to say, hard to do. As an addict, I was blessed by loved ones who let me follow my own path. I dug a really deep hole and had to find my own way out. Once I was in true recovery, the support was there.
I will tell you that, knowing everything I knew about addiction? My step-mom dealt with it and she died a little over a year ago. The dad that showed me tough love could not do the same for her. I don't blame him, but I'm more aware of letting someone deal with their demons vs trying to help someone who has only using on the brain.
Hugs and prayers.,
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Vaya, I gave you some pretty solid answers...but reading back today I remember that early in my recovery, I knew the answers but just could not find the courage to carry through with them. I wanted to with all my heart but it was just too hard when my son would stand on my front porch crying.
What helped me more than anything was to go to meetings and begin working a 12-step program with my sponsor, a program that is about me, how to cope with life on life's terms, and it is a wonderful program that I still use in my life today to guide me through all sorts of difficult times, even though my son has been gone over 10 years now, lost in his addiction somewhere.
When we know what we need to do, when we know that we must do something...that's the time to begin working a program that will give us the courage to take care of ourselves. Counseling helps too, but peer support from those who have been there, much like SR here, is the best kind of support there is.
Please don't feel that I know more than you do or that I can do what you cannot...I am just years ahead of you in my expereience here and trying to pass on what worked for me.
Hugs
What helped me more than anything was to go to meetings and begin working a 12-step program with my sponsor, a program that is about me, how to cope with life on life's terms, and it is a wonderful program that I still use in my life today to guide me through all sorts of difficult times, even though my son has been gone over 10 years now, lost in his addiction somewhere.
When we know what we need to do, when we know that we must do something...that's the time to begin working a program that will give us the courage to take care of ourselves. Counseling helps too, but peer support from those who have been there, much like SR here, is the best kind of support there is.
Please don't feel that I know more than you do or that I can do what you cannot...I am just years ahead of you in my expereience here and trying to pass on what worked for me.
Hugs
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
Thank you Ann. I do go to meetings usually once a week. I have found the courage to not let my son live with me. This weekend came abruptly and when he earned the privilege of getting away for the weekend, I didn't have the heart to say no. I did lay down some boundaries and guidelines.
It's also a very tense situation, not only because of the past and his addiction issues, but also because his brother does still live here and I have to cover that up along with the guilt I feel. On the other hand, his brother doesn't shoot heroin and didn't get me nearly evicted. That's why he can stay here as long as he's productive.
My AS is depressed and has started medication for his bipolar condition. He is taking steps to work on himself, even if he may not be done using. I can't control that part. I am eager for him to learn to be self sufficient and move into his own space. He depends on me a lot and I am wrestling with how to be supportive, but not be co-dependent. He's 27. Whatever he did to mess up and land in the ER this weekend or other choices he is making is his responsibility.
We as codies, often tread on eggshells, worrying that what we do may upset the addict and cause him to go out. That, too, is what I'm dealing with. The center where he is doesn't really interact with family much and have a hard line approach to things.
I know in my heart he has to grow up. I just didn't have time to prepare for this weekend. I will also definitely go to my home group this Tuesday.
Anyway, I have made progress in many ways. I haven't given him the spice. He still has to go back to rehab tonight. I am helping him with getting his teeth fixed and he is following through with seeking housing, recovery, and other appointments.
When there is a mental health component and diagnosed depression and bipolar disease, it does put a different spin on it. I have to work within what I have learned in my meetings and find my way to allow him to grow on his own.
It's also a very tense situation, not only because of the past and his addiction issues, but also because his brother does still live here and I have to cover that up along with the guilt I feel. On the other hand, his brother doesn't shoot heroin and didn't get me nearly evicted. That's why he can stay here as long as he's productive.
My AS is depressed and has started medication for his bipolar condition. He is taking steps to work on himself, even if he may not be done using. I can't control that part. I am eager for him to learn to be self sufficient and move into his own space. He depends on me a lot and I am wrestling with how to be supportive, but not be co-dependent. He's 27. Whatever he did to mess up and land in the ER this weekend or other choices he is making is his responsibility.
We as codies, often tread on eggshells, worrying that what we do may upset the addict and cause him to go out. That, too, is what I'm dealing with. The center where he is doesn't really interact with family much and have a hard line approach to things.
I know in my heart he has to grow up. I just didn't have time to prepare for this weekend. I will also definitely go to my home group this Tuesday.
Anyway, I have made progress in many ways. I haven't given him the spice. He still has to go back to rehab tonight. I am helping him with getting his teeth fixed and he is following through with seeking housing, recovery, and other appointments.
When there is a mental health component and diagnosed depression and bipolar disease, it does put a different spin on it. I have to work within what I have learned in my meetings and find my way to allow him to grow on his own.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
I want to congratulate you for not giving him the spice, and encourage you to reflect on something.
What if that little vial of spice was heroin? Would you give it to him then? Spice is just as dangerous. Is spice illegal were you are? It is in my state. If you don't flush it or dispose of it and it is found, you could face legal consequences depending on where you live.
What if that little vial of spice was heroin? Would you give it to him then? Spice is just as dangerous. Is spice illegal were you are? It is in my state. If you don't flush it or dispose of it and it is found, you could face legal consequences depending on where you live.
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