Zephyr88

New on here glad I found it. Been sober for 2 months on the 23rd.

I just ended a 2 year relationship because I didn't truly love her/want to marry etc. Majority of drugs was opiates but this past fall started doing coke heavily. First thing when woke up, at work, lunch breaks. anyways- I've cleaned up 4-5x and gone through this before. I went to rehab in college and have had good periods of sobriety (18mo Max since age of 15). I'm 26 almost 27, great job, make lots of $. but this time has felt good.

I started doing way better at work and re cemented my job security, saving lots of $, trying to buy a house. But the weekends are hell if I don't work. any friends are either sitting around smoking pot/etc or going out to bars. today and the last week I've finally hit the boredom stages where I start thinking about using again but it's soley out of boredom. also think about calling my ex bc I'm so bored and despite me knowing it's terrible to string her along she is always there for me no matter what. through thick and thin. I know I need to go to a meeting because I haven't in 2 weeks but it just sucks. always feeling alone. and hitting this wall where it's like what's the point, just to be a corporate robot who makes money to save and never do anything fun or enjoy friends bc I can't bc they are all drinking.

I'll stop ranting. I know I should keep busy but even if I wanted to golf, go to gun range etc Idk who to even call to go with.

four812

How to deal with the tough part! That becomes the difficulty.

I will guess that you have reservations to use again someday? Or feelings that it's unfair that you can't use as your friends? The other possibility is that when you get bored you want to run from the boredom. Possibly you need to dig inside and face the discomfort and fears and anger that are hidden away inside you.

Your doing good. If the meetings aren't cutting it there's the option of searching out "good" ones, or ones that you connect to.

Sounds like your peeking at a fork on the road?

Anyway. Your doing great. There's more to sobriety than just being sober and living in "normal". You have the potential to live from your heart and make dreams come true

Zephyr88

thanks four. Yes i know myself using vs sober. and that's exactly it. the closer meeting and better time for me is super clicky and they do not do the circle format to give everyone a chance so it's the same 5 people rambling about the same crap every time. the further one is way too late for me but seems how I feel meetings should be.


I just always hit this point And it sucks. I want to break the cycle. I always either run back to a relationship that I know won't go anywhere to deal w the boredom, or go back to using and we all know that ends up meaning 24/7/365 non stop no matter what. thanks for your advice it helps!

OpioPhobe

Zephyr88 - are there any new hobbies / activities you have always thought about trying, but never have? Maybe you could give something like that a shot. I know what you mean about not being able to do certain activities because going solo is boring. Now that you are saving money you have to invest it though, right? That is one of my hobbies now (I used to be in the industry). I love finding a stock or bond that is mispriced and buying it cheap. It gives me a rush just like the drugs used to. A lot of people would find that more boring than a War & Peace audiobook, but to each their own, right?

zerothehero

Not sure where you are, Zeph, but another thought would be clubs that focus on healthy activities that interest you.

Sobriety can be lonely. I attended a philosophy club for awhile, went to art openings, yoga/gym... Never told people I was sober and never an issue.

Just a thought.

HonestlyTrying

Suggest finding a sponsor, even a temporary one, from the meeting that isn't handy. They have what you need, and can be a phone call away when the "effits" set in. It really does help, hard as hell to pick up the phone and call a sponsor, but a lifesaving skill to develop.
Sharing your struggle here is exactly what you need, too! Beats isolating and giving up! Way to go, keep it up!

Zephyr88

Opio I've been investing since I was 18. man do I have some bonehead moves I regret making (ie in 2006 bought CMG AAPL GOOG and sold them all in 2008)but I agree w the thought. I bought the intelligent investor by graham and Dodd just Havent read as much as I should have so far.

I played hockey growing up and have been wanting to get back into it but all the freestyle drop in games are during the week at random times when I work so I haven't been able to play yet. I know that would help big time! thanks for the input