I think I need help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 2
I think I need help.
Hello guys, this isn't a new problem, it's been ongoing now since I was about 16/17 and recently it's become more of a problem again.
I'm 25 and at university studying for my dream career, I go to the gym and love fitness and I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. On the outside I look like I have it pretty together.
But I binge drink, heavily. I'm always the last one standing at parties, I can't and never have been able to stop at one drink. In the past (2+yrs ago) I've cheated on my boyfriend, started stupid arguments with him and even hit him. I've been arrested, done drugs I would never touch sober, made an absolute tit out myself on numerous occasions. You know how it goes.
I used my "friends" just so I had people / an excuse to drink. I moved away from this friendship group to come to university and things settled down a bit, but it's still an issue mainly at weekends & when my boyfriend isn't here. I get lonely, I haven't made any friends up here. I "reward" myself after a busy week with a glass of wine. A bottle. Two bottles. Beers etc, I have no limit. I tell myself it's because I'm a student and it's normal... but it's not!
I've put myself in to really dangerous situations before and recently cheated again. I feel like I can't live with myself and the guilt / shame.
I don't want to tell my boyfriend- that is not an option at all. It will literally destroy the relationship and I honestly love this man to bits. I want to get better and move on. I know people say "there's always a reason for it" and that being drunk isn't an excuse but I think when your inhibitions are that low you will do anything to feel safe / wanted / fun / valid.
The drinking has started to affect my uni work now as well, I can't concentrate on anything and I'm isolating myself more and more from my peers to stay away from bad influences and the fear of them actually getting to know me.
I sometimes feel like I am living a double life.
Anyway, I'm sat here now after another night of that one drink turning in to an all nighter (I don't go out to bars, I drink at home), my joints / legs (this is a new one recently- restless achey legs after drinking) and head are throbbing. I feel weak, disgusted and ashamed. Lying to my boyfriend telling him I only had a couple of drinks, when I finished all of the alcohol I bought him for christmas.
I don't know what I'm wanting to get out of posting this- I just need to see it wrote down and share it with people who (hopefully) won't judge me. I feel bad enough already.
I think I need to speak to a professional or someone at university. I know the solution is to just not drink because I clearly cannot handle it. I don't crave alcohol as such, and I'm confident now that I won't be drinking for a few weeks.
So there we go. Hi
I'm 25 and at university studying for my dream career, I go to the gym and love fitness and I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. On the outside I look like I have it pretty together.
But I binge drink, heavily. I'm always the last one standing at parties, I can't and never have been able to stop at one drink. In the past (2+yrs ago) I've cheated on my boyfriend, started stupid arguments with him and even hit him. I've been arrested, done drugs I would never touch sober, made an absolute tit out myself on numerous occasions. You know how it goes.
I used my "friends" just so I had people / an excuse to drink. I moved away from this friendship group to come to university and things settled down a bit, but it's still an issue mainly at weekends & when my boyfriend isn't here. I get lonely, I haven't made any friends up here. I "reward" myself after a busy week with a glass of wine. A bottle. Two bottles. Beers etc, I have no limit. I tell myself it's because I'm a student and it's normal... but it's not!
I've put myself in to really dangerous situations before and recently cheated again. I feel like I can't live with myself and the guilt / shame.
I don't want to tell my boyfriend- that is not an option at all. It will literally destroy the relationship and I honestly love this man to bits. I want to get better and move on. I know people say "there's always a reason for it" and that being drunk isn't an excuse but I think when your inhibitions are that low you will do anything to feel safe / wanted / fun / valid.
The drinking has started to affect my uni work now as well, I can't concentrate on anything and I'm isolating myself more and more from my peers to stay away from bad influences and the fear of them actually getting to know me.
I sometimes feel like I am living a double life.
Anyway, I'm sat here now after another night of that one drink turning in to an all nighter (I don't go out to bars, I drink at home), my joints / legs (this is a new one recently- restless achey legs after drinking) and head are throbbing. I feel weak, disgusted and ashamed. Lying to my boyfriend telling him I only had a couple of drinks, when I finished all of the alcohol I bought him for christmas.
I don't know what I'm wanting to get out of posting this- I just need to see it wrote down and share it with people who (hopefully) won't judge me. I feel bad enough already.
I think I need to speak to a professional or someone at university. I know the solution is to just not drink because I clearly cannot handle it. I don't crave alcohol as such, and I'm confident now that I won't be drinking for a few weeks.
So there we go. Hi
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Welcome
I was a binge drinker too. I drank throughout college and into my late 20's. By age 27 I knew it had to stop. I moved away from the area and started fresh. Managed to stay sober for one year. Unfortunately, I drank again and didn't stop again until I was 36.
Do you have any plans yet or ideas of how you'd like to approach stopping? Do you plan on attending meetings? There's AA, SMART, Women For Sobriety, as well as RR and AVRT. I used a few of these programs. And I used this forum to read, post and be inspired and helped by others along the way.
You can stop in your twenties There's not a better time really. Stop now so that you don't interrupt your career plans and the ability to form and retain good relationships.
I was a binge drinker too. I drank throughout college and into my late 20's. By age 27 I knew it had to stop. I moved away from the area and started fresh. Managed to stay sober for one year. Unfortunately, I drank again and didn't stop again until I was 36.
Do you have any plans yet or ideas of how you'd like to approach stopping? Do you plan on attending meetings? There's AA, SMART, Women For Sobriety, as well as RR and AVRT. I used a few of these programs. And I used this forum to read, post and be inspired and helped by others along the way.
You can stop in your twenties
There's not a better time really. Stop now so that you don't interrupt your career plans and the ability to form and retain good relationships.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 2
I think I'm going to try and talk to my boyfriend and tell him how much it is actually affecting me, without us just laughing it off or the "oh dear not again". I think I will go down to see him instead at weekends which will help initially. I've also been considering a trip to the GP so I can be referred for CBT or something to deal with the depression and anxiety. Exercise really helps but I have unpredictable ups and downs.
So yep, first step is to talk to my boyfriend about it, draw a line under my mistakes as I realise that is not me, and book a GP appointment.
Thankyou Jennie.
So yep, first step is to talk to my boyfriend about it, draw a line under my mistakes as I realise that is not me, and book a GP appointment.
Thankyou Jennie.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 140
The guilt and shame will eat at you so much that it will actually drive you to drink. You need to let it go, what you did while drunk is not the person you are, nor the person you have to be. I think if I would have realized that sooner, I could have stopped sooner..
I hope you get the help you need, and reaching out for help is the first step. Good luck, dear.
I hope you get the help you need, and reaching out for help is the first step. Good luck, dear.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 55
Welcome louisacol, I'm really glad you found your way here. Seems like you have made a good decision to tackle this now. Being honest with your boyfriend, seeing your GP about a referral for CBT and talking to a Uni counsellor are all really positive steps...take them, get as much help and support as you can. And of course, stick around here...you'll find so much support and information. I have found it so helpful to read others' stories and it's a busy forum so there are always people around to talk to
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
You remind me of me 20 years ago. I wrote about that.
Cheating. On myself. With myself. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You are worth more than this. Good for you for recognizing the problem.
Cheating. On myself. With myself. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You are worth more than this. Good for you for recognizing the problem.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Welcome Louisacol. I could be the male version of you. I am 38 now, further along in my journey through alcoholism and recovery, but I had very similar behaviours when I was your age. I was a binge drinker. The last man standing always. When out with friends, I was on my 4th drink when they were just starting their 2nd. For a long time, I was a weekend warrior and did not drink alone nor during the week.
Something slowly changed however. I got a job in finance after college and found myself with money to spend and eager coworkers to go out for after work drinks with. I then began drinking 3 to 4 nights a week, getting absolutely trashed on weekends. Waking up in strange women's beds or having them in my bed. Nevermind my girlfriend at the time. Often I was hurriedly getting a girl out the back door before my girlfriend showed up any minute through the front door.
By age 28, I was drinking everday after work alone. Weekends were drinking to blackout. Got a DUI, fights with strangers and friends, and arrested multiple times for drunk and disorderly type stuff. I even resigned from my job while I was drunk at 9am on a Monday. Thought I was going to be fired. Then I drank all day everyday for 6 months until I ran out of money. From there, it was downhill. Lost the girl, car, condo, bankruptcy, friends stayed away.
Ended up in rehab 34. Been in recovery for a few years but still struggle. I guess the my point is that alcoholism is progressive. Some people are just wired differently where they can't stop after one drink. If you don't address your drinking now, things will get worse. i wish I had done something when I was your age.
Something slowly changed however. I got a job in finance after college and found myself with money to spend and eager coworkers to go out for after work drinks with. I then began drinking 3 to 4 nights a week, getting absolutely trashed on weekends. Waking up in strange women's beds or having them in my bed. Nevermind my girlfriend at the time. Often I was hurriedly getting a girl out the back door before my girlfriend showed up any minute through the front door.
By age 28, I was drinking everday after work alone. Weekends were drinking to blackout. Got a DUI, fights with strangers and friends, and arrested multiple times for drunk and disorderly type stuff. I even resigned from my job while I was drunk at 9am on a Monday. Thought I was going to be fired. Then I drank all day everyday for 6 months until I ran out of money. From there, it was downhill. Lost the girl, car, condo, bankruptcy, friends stayed away.
Ended up in rehab 34. Been in recovery for a few years but still struggle. I guess the my point is that alcoholism is progressive. Some people are just wired differently where they can't stop after one drink. If you don't address your drinking now, things will get worse. i wish I had done something when I was your age.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome, and we do understand how hard this is.
I really think it's a good idea that you will talk to your boyfriend about how hard this is. I was someone who drank alone and hid it as well as I could, but it's definitely not a way to have a good, honest relationship.
It sounds like you have a good idea of things that will help you to get through this, and please know that we are here for you.
I really think it's a good idea that you will talk to your boyfriend about how hard this is. I was someone who drank alone and hid it as well as I could, but it's definitely not a way to have a good, honest relationship.
It sounds like you have a good idea of things that will help you to get through this, and please know that we are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Welcome, loiusacol, to SR. A huge congratulations on your desire to resolve your alcohol issues at such a young age.
Take a look around this site; there is an abundance of information on alcoholism and the methods and techniques available to achieve and maintain sobriety.
good to hear you have decided to involve your bf and your GP in your efforts.
SR is here for you 24/7/365; there is always someone here who cares and who truly wants to see you succeed; reach out anytime.
Take a look around this site; there is an abundance of information on alcoholism and the methods and techniques available to achieve and maintain sobriety.
good to hear you have decided to involve your bf and your GP in your efforts.
SR is here for you 24/7/365; there is always someone here who cares and who truly wants to see you succeed; reach out anytime.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad you're here, Welcome!
It is never too early or late in life to realize alcohol has become a problem for us. It doesn't discriminate based on age, gender or economic standing.
We are a diverse group of people from all over the world - very different with one common problem. At some point drinking turned from a social activity to relieve stress and engage with friends into a problem.
For me, alcohol was an obsession. I though about it a lot. I did not have cravings until I took that first drink then game on. Whatever I had planned to drink did not matter.....I drank until - well, whatever.
Good news is there is Hope!
Many of us, one day at a time - are no longer obsessed with alcohol. It's there in a neutral manner, so to speak.
Keep coming back,
Sobriety can change you life forever
It is never too early or late in life to realize alcohol has become a problem for us. It doesn't discriminate based on age, gender or economic standing.
We are a diverse group of people from all over the world - very different with one common problem. At some point drinking turned from a social activity to relieve stress and engage with friends into a problem.
For me, alcohol was an obsession. I though about it a lot. I did not have cravings until I took that first drink then game on. Whatever I had planned to drink did not matter.....I drank until - well, whatever.
Good news is there is Hope!
Many of us, one day at a time - are no longer obsessed with alcohol. It's there in a neutral manner, so to speak.
Keep coming back,
Sobriety can change you life forever
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 346
welcome and congratulations on noticing your drinking is getting out of control early. Now take some sort of action!
I first saw the problems with my drinking around 20/21 but I wrote it off to being young. Around 25 I thought, this is obviously bad and I will need to deal with this on day. I also started taking breaks to "prove" I wasn't an alcoholic. 3 1/2 years later I became a daily drinker, drinking to drunk. I had surrounded myself with others who drank as heavily, so it was hardly noticeable(in my mind). After all I was never got drunk in public, I would just go home and open another bottle of wine.
I came here a few months ago still hoping I wasn't an alcoholic and looking for an out. It was impossible because I had crossed almost every line by the time I was 28. So here I stay, sober and happier.
I think going and speaking with a professional is a really good idea. I know it will be difficult but ultimately really good for you. Just be to be completely honest. I first went to see a counselor in my early 20's(by choice) and lied to them because I was embarrassed by how much I was drinking. Obviously, that didn't help much.
This forum has been full of support and great advice. I would suggest checking in here every so often no matter what you decide to do.
Hope to hear more from you soon,
Axiom
I first saw the problems with my drinking around 20/21 but I wrote it off to being young. Around 25 I thought, this is obviously bad and I will need to deal with this on day. I also started taking breaks to "prove" I wasn't an alcoholic. 3 1/2 years later I became a daily drinker, drinking to drunk. I had surrounded myself with others who drank as heavily, so it was hardly noticeable(in my mind). After all I was never got drunk in public, I would just go home and open another bottle of wine.
I came here a few months ago still hoping I wasn't an alcoholic and looking for an out. It was impossible because I had crossed almost every line by the time I was 28. So here I stay, sober and happier.
I think going and speaking with a professional is a really good idea. I know it will be difficult but ultimately really good for you. Just be to be completely honest. I first went to see a counselor in my early 20's(by choice) and lied to them because I was embarrassed by how much I was drinking. Obviously, that didn't help much.
This forum has been full of support and great advice. I would suggest checking in here every so often no matter what you decide to do.
Hope to hear more from you soon,
Axiom
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
louisacol,
This is what alcohol did to me to, it perverts our nature. We end up doing lots of things that we feel ashamed of later and lose self-respect. After a while, we have no respect for ourselves and slowly destroy every relationship around us. Then, once we destroy our social surrounding we focus that destruction on our-self. When we try to quit the things that we have done become "regrets" that make us feel like we cannot face reality, then we go back.. But, I promise you from personal experience at 6 months sober that life is 1000% better once you quit and weather that emotional storm that accompanies early sobriety. Right now, you are in a dangerous place in your life. You could make decisions under the influence that could affect the rest of your life, being that you are a student preparing for a career. I was there and barely made it out without affecting much. Make your sobriety your number 1 objective right now. Take this as seriously as cancer. Explain to your boyfriend that you are quitting alcohol and need his support. Leave the past in the past and just don't drink. Within a week you will feel a drastic difference and each week afterward it will get easier until it seems like a distant memory. At some point it may seem that you never "really" had a problem.. and many people "try" it for another go.. This is a mistake though. AND USE US HERE. This site, with these wonderfully brave people, gave me all the support that I needed because I knew I wanted to change and they confirmed my action to quit with their own drive for a better life. Our society makes sit seem "normal" to drink but it is never normal to introduce poison into our body. It is an exciting escape and anyone without a good support structure, a troubled past, or just susceptible to the allure of uninhibited pleasure can develop this relationship with alcohol. It's an allure to destruction though.. many of those without a dependence may never know this side of alcohol.. but it is always there.
You deserve to take control Louisacol! You do not deserve to allow this poison to ravage you through the dirt and ruin you life! You Can Do This, allow us here at sober recovery to help you with possible stumbles and lean on us to pull you back up. With every stumble can be found a gem of wisdom that reinforces WHY we are working for a better life. We are all special and deserve to be happy
-SC
This is what alcohol did to me to, it perverts our nature. We end up doing lots of things that we feel ashamed of later and lose self-respect. After a while, we have no respect for ourselves and slowly destroy every relationship around us. Then, once we destroy our social surrounding we focus that destruction on our-self. When we try to quit the things that we have done become "regrets" that make us feel like we cannot face reality, then we go back.. But, I promise you from personal experience at 6 months sober that life is 1000% better once you quit and weather that emotional storm that accompanies early sobriety. Right now, you are in a dangerous place in your life. You could make decisions under the influence that could affect the rest of your life, being that you are a student preparing for a career. I was there and barely made it out without affecting much. Make your sobriety your number 1 objective right now. Take this as seriously as cancer. Explain to your boyfriend that you are quitting alcohol and need his support. Leave the past in the past and just don't drink. Within a week you will feel a drastic difference and each week afterward it will get easier until it seems like a distant memory. At some point it may seem that you never "really" had a problem.. and many people "try" it for another go.. This is a mistake though. AND USE US HERE. This site, with these wonderfully brave people, gave me all the support that I needed because I knew I wanted to change and they confirmed my action to quit with their own drive for a better life. Our society makes sit seem "normal" to drink but it is never normal to introduce poison into our body. It is an exciting escape and anyone without a good support structure, a troubled past, or just susceptible to the allure of uninhibited pleasure can develop this relationship with alcohol. It's an allure to destruction though.. many of those without a dependence may never know this side of alcohol.. but it is always there.
You deserve to take control Louisacol! You do not deserve to allow this poison to ravage you through the dirt and ruin you life! You Can Do This, allow us here at sober recovery to help you with possible stumbles and lean on us to pull you back up. With every stumble can be found a gem of wisdom that reinforces WHY we are working for a better life. We are all special and deserve to be happy
-SC
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
