knowthetriggers

As codependents we get so overwhelmed trying to control everyone's lives but neglect our own.

We become depressed, tired, angry, hurt, weary, hopeless. We find excuses why we don't have time for daily readings, or Alanon, exercise, mediation, etc.

Truth for me - I didn't do these things because it would open my mind to "those thoughts" You know the ones that are creeping in the back of your mind, the thoughts are telling you - HELP YOURSELF! I made every excuse in the book why I couldn't do this and couldn't do that and then one day I realized how pitiful I sounded.

So - I finally flushed my overflowing pity-pot. I started reading again, something I had not done in a long time. Before long I found the time to exercise again.

Recently I found the time to come back to my program. Reached out to SR and found some amazing folks here. Instead of watching T.V. in the mornings I take 20 minutes to do my daily readings and prayers. I am back to walking 2 miles a day and I am starting to feel great.

I guess my point is - there is hope to feel better, but YOU have to be determined enough to want to do it!

And the most important thing for me about this post - is when I think my pity-pot is getting full again I can come back and read my thoughts!

Thanks for reading!!!

Have a blessed day everyone!!

walkinganewpath

Thanks for sharing. I'm finding this week that there is a lot of information coming to me about taking responsibility for myself - caring for myself in a good way. Yesterday I spent extra time reading my daily readers and going back through my journal. I realized that I have made progress and also that the messages on action, responsibility and to "stop fooling myself, stop excusing my own shortcomings" are popping up all over in the past week or so. A few of your posts Triggers have been among those messages.

I've had weather and vehicle issues the past month on and off so I'm lucky to get to one meeting a week. I really need them. Instead I've been reading more, listening to inspirational music and other speakers (I like Joyce Meyer). I'm seeing the light as I'm climbing out of the hole I've been hiding in for a while. It's a good thing.

Also realizing when I read back through my journal that in the beginning I talked a lot about what AH was doing and analyzing him - they were also tinged with a lot of anger. My more recent entries (it's been 5 months since I started) are more focused on me, what I need to do, my reactions, my feelings, filling myself with good behavior, good thoughts, releasing the bad and the things I can't control to my HP.

That alone made me feel much better equipped to handle AH's current attempt at detoxing...he doesn't want to drink so he's weaning off - not sure what his plan is exactly. It doesn't mean recovery but that's not mine to deal with. If I didn't have my program I know I couldn't deal with this/him. I don't always do it right but I'm learning, growing and getting better on the way.

Thank you SR friends

knowthetriggers

I read lots of growth in your words!

I love to go back and reflect on my earlier passages - it reminds me of where I was and that I never want to go back there.

Sure - we all make mistakes, we are human. But the fact that we can learn from them and not repeat them - that, to me, is growth!

Keep on keeping on!