Sisterbobby

I have been on the road to recovery for a few years, several detours but back on the right road for nearly a month. I have an issue. My husband is also a drinker, however he pretends to be sober (sometimes) when I come home from work. (I work 12 hour days so I get home around 830pm) He will be sitting on the couch watching tv with a big glass of water in front of him and trying so hard to look sober. Sometimes he is already slurring his words. I have been married to him for 16 years so I know when he is drinking. I will ask him if he is drinking and he says "no". Lately, I do not say anything, I use to comment on it, but I don't any longer. he will even brag to his family that he has not had anything to drink for a week...Does he really believe I do not know...
He is aware that I am trying to quit. I hope I am explaining this right.

Dee74

Hi Sisterbobby

You posted in our Stories of Recovery forum. That forum does not allow responses, so I moved it here.

You know he's drinking. You also know he's going to deny it. I'm not sure if you're asking if there's any thing you can do to change this, or not?

My advice is to focus on your own journey.

A lot of our members who are trying to quit have to deal with spouses who drink. It's tough but it's not impossible either.

I think a good deal of sober support is required tho. Do you have any support outside of SR?

D

Sisterbobby

thanks for moving it, I am still trying to maneuver around SR. I am trying to focus on just me, I would love for him to be on the recovery with me. So, I just need to let it be with him, don't question him, that's hard. Especially when it is so obvious, he makes me feel so stupid. I need to give up the control. I too have lied, he is not a good lair. I am so much better at it. I love him and i do not want to give up on him.
After the letter I wrote to my siblings, they say they are there for me, we text and talk on phone daily, a a little about sobriety. One sister said she wishes I would have stayed with her when growing up and she could have saved me. :-) Maybe I need to be silence with him during my early recovery, need to fix me...

milly4me

I can relate...my h drinks too much too ...and he lies lies lies...not just about drinking ...he lies about EVERYTHING. ..

I'm so tired of it.

Personally i think tip toeing around my h's lying caused me too much stress. Now I just say ******** when he lies. I dont argue with him though. I just spew the truth and move on.

Sisterbobby

thanks milly4me,

i am tired of it too. D is right, i need to focus on myself right now, but I will not argue with him, just shake my head and say ******** and move on.

Carlotta

(((SisterBobby)))
It is difficult but it can be done. I have done it and so have many others...you are doing it right now .
I had responded to your other thread with my suggestions and I agree with Dee: focus on your sobriety right now then once you are more grounded with it you can work on the codie issues.
While his lying sucks, on the bright side he doesn't sound aggressive and he is not slamming them in front of you.
Keep coming back. You re doing great and congrats on a month.

Soberwolf

Sorry SisterBobby ((()))