Chloe

I just found my way to this site- and I guess I am looking for some advise. A long time friend of mine is an alcoholic. (He is someone my husband has been friends with since they were kids.) He has tried AA, and going to rehab. It works for a few months- but never for long. Im afraid his wife and family isnt a big help to him. They all cover for him and make excuses... so that he never has to take responsibility for the hurt he has caused. A few weeks ago, he went on a bender- he ended up at my house- begging for alcohol. When I wouldnt give it to him, he screamed some pretty horrible things, and finally one of my neighbors called the police. We got him to go to the hospital - where he stayed for several days.

He is now out of the hospital and I dont know how to feel. I care about him- but I also hate that he made me feel unsafe in my own home. I hate that he does these things and never says sorry. I also hate that his family just ignores the things he does- and expects everyone to do the same.

I guess I just need advise- the feelings I have toward him are so conflicted. I care about him- but I cant get the things he said to me that day, out of my head. What is the best way for me to help him?

splendra

Chloe-

I think you have ever right to be angry at this guy. It sounds like he is never held accountable for his actions.

I am not sure that you can really help him. But, do keep your good boundries concerning him and take good care of yourself around him. In the "Freinds and Family of Alcoholics" forum here there is some excellent info at the top of the page on what you can do read all of that and you may find the answer you are looking for.....

....and welcome to Sober Recovery.

Chloe

Thank you so much for your response. I guess, just hearing that I have a right to be angry with him- is helpful. I felt like a horrible person, because I wanted to hold him responsible for his actions toward me. Thank you and I will read that infomation right now.

splendra

It sounds like you are already pretty healthy to me. There is nothing wrong with wanting to hold someone responcible for their actions....

MootPoint

Welcome Chloe

I'm glad you are not codependent with him.......like, refusing him alcohol.

Your feelings sound very justified. As far as "getting over" it or handling it in any way, I suggest you go to our Friends and Families of Alcoholics, where you can learn about Al Anon. They are great ppl there.

1Marty

Chloe, you most likely cannot help him. He may just need to feel a little more pain before reason sets in. Sounds cruel. But all you can do is offer help to him, and pray for him. If he is unwilling, don't get upset. He sounds like a very sick person. You have done your part. I would recommend Al-anon. They can help.