freetosmile

I got the flood of texts from him:

1st- why is it ok to treat me this way? And we can't talk until your honest, so I'll just keep on going on like this.

2nd- I'm expected to live in the shadow of your ex, you showing your breasts to my brother who I hate and you showing your breasts to who ever else and then be told that I'm jealous.

3rd- I deserve better

4th- I'm better than your ex and any other man you have ever had. I don't care what you say anymore.




I told him he did deserve better and that we needed to talk separation.

I have never told this man that everyone was better than him. It's how he twists it in his mind. I have never showed my parts to other men. (he is referring to my clothes and they "show off".

I knew the flood was bound to happen. I really did. I wouldn't be surprised if he comes home with booze tonight. I won't make that call though. I'm just going to sleep with the kids.

That's the long and short of it.

I'm overwhelmed again...I almost wrote a text explaining myself, defending myself, and yada yada..but I didn't.

He isn't home yet...so I need to gather myself- and yes, my back up plan is in place.

CodeJob

Be safe Freetsmile.

Stung

Be safe. Praying for you and sending you hugs. I'm glad you have a plan B.

LexieCat

Yes, be safe. I'm sorry he's having a meltdown.

Keep a cellphone close by. Do the kids know to call 911 if things get too scary?

Be careful about talking separation WHILE he's in this state (drunk or sober/delusional). There's time to talk about your plans or the future when he's in his right mind. Your safety, and the kids' safety, is the most important thing right now.

Hugs, keep us posted.

thousandwords53

Thinking of you!

dandylion

freetosmile...Lexie makes a very good point in her last post.

dandylion

freetosmile

Yes, the kids do know what to do in an emergency. All four of the older ones have cell phones too. So that helps. Actually they are going to youth group tonight (just left) and RAH is at therapy.

I probably won't talk separation tonight- but I do intend to talk very soon about it. That is what started this whole thing. I sent him a text asking if we could have a conversation this weekend. He just blew up. There were a few other texts that he sent that I won't lay on you guys because they are just hideous.

Hopefully therapy will take him down a few notches, but I'm not going to count on that. I have a math test tomorrow-- gag me with a wooden spoon---so I need to study for that. I already told the girls I was sleeping with them.

I can do this. Even if it means I have to get a job and quit school, I know I can do this. This is not an impossible mountain. The thought of divorce throws me for a loop, but I just can't live like this anymore. This is no quality of life...this is barely breathing. Which is right where he wants me. And for the love of God, if he is THAT miserable with me, then I'll be doing HIM a favor.

Stung

He's going to be this miserable with you or without you. It's about him. All about him. He's just spewing his insecurities all over you because you're the closest one to spew on.

freetosmile

He actually told me on the car ride home from treatment that the reason he hasn't left me is because he is co-dependent......

I mean, we've been talking divorce for MONTHS now. It's time. I am only seeing pre-treatment behavior and I just can't live with that.

Thanks guys.

freetosmile

Oh I agree! But far be it for me to argue with a God.

He hates me being on this forum...he says I'm telling everyone how everything is his fault and how I have done nothing wrong. QUACK...

knowthetriggers

Will keep you all in thoughts and prayers!

NWGRITS

Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable. There's no magic point to quit for which you have to wait. I'm sorry he's going down, but I'm glad that you've had the time to work on yourself and are recognizing that this just isn't working. And remember, divorce doesn't mean you've failed. He's an alcoholic, and that's nothing to do with you. (((Hugs)))

freetosmile

Here it is my brothers and sisters-

The moment where H thinks I'm going to leave and is trying to smooth things over.

I got ALL my basic stuff out of the bedroom while he was at therapy and moved it into my girls room (poor girls). Just blanket, pillow, school books, of COURSE my laptop ( not for my math class of course but because of SR! ha), and that's about it.

The kids are gone to youth group and he pops his head inside the girls room and says "hello" all nonchalantly.....

I just did a sneak peak in the fridge and did not see any beer in there..but he took an awful long time getting home ( which he normally did when he was downing beer on the drive). Do I care if he relapsed? No, not really, in all honesty.

Do I care that he might be trying to play the "nice" card to help back me out of a separation? Why yes, yes I do care.

You all know this cycle ALL too well, so please send me good vibes and prayers so that I may stand my ground.

Thanks

LemonGirl

Oh man.... you're in my prayers! This is NOT an impossible mountain!

LexieCat

You got this, sweetie. I don't think he will ever sucker you back in. If you stay longer, it will be because it serves your purposes.

You will leave when you're ready to. You're working on getting ready.

And a big part of the reason I'm positive that you will is that you are so willing to share what you're thinking and to look realistically at your situation. EVERYBODY feels thrown for a loop now and then. When you do, you come on here, or talk to your therapist, and get a good reality check. You don't run around like a chicken with its head cut off, you think things through.

I have all the confidence in the world in you.

Katchie

You are in my prayers! One good thing I will say is that you sound strong..I'll pray for your continued strength. Hugs

Carlotta

Be very careful please.

(((((hugs))))