Another questions...sick of me yet?
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 10
Another questions...sick of me yet?
Please forgive my ignorance...this is probably a really stupid question but I don't know what the protocol is or what is appropriate.
He has said he will attend AA meetings but that he was nervous and very intimidated. When we talked about it early last week I said "if you want me to go with you for moral support, I will." He said that might make it a little less overwhelming.
I have NO problem going. One...I told him I'd support him and I will make good on my word. Two...at least if I go then I know he's going.
My question is...is it appropriate for me to go or is that a major no-no?? I have no idea.
He has said he will attend AA meetings but that he was nervous and very intimidated. When we talked about it early last week I said "if you want me to go with you for moral support, I will." He said that might make it a little less overwhelming.
I have NO problem going. One...I told him I'd support him and I will make good on my word. Two...at least if I go then I know he's going.
My question is...is it appropriate for me to go or is that a major no-no?? I have no idea.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
MAJOR No-No. Just don't do it. This is HIS journey. HIS recovery. It's time for him to put on his Big Boy pants. You'd mentioned in another thread that he used the excuse to drink because of deaths... you didn't word it exactly that way... but that is what he does. He will use the excuse that he won't attend AA meetings because they're intimidating. Alcoholics will drink bc it's raining... bc it's not raining... bc it's sunny... bc the clouds are out. You get my drift? This is HIS program, let HIM work it.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
No, it's not appropriate for you to go to meetings with him. I'm a recovering alcoholic and know we must make that tough walk into a room alone, it's part of the willingness necessary to admit we're powerless over alcohol.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I don't know what your faith base is, but you may want to try a Celebrate Recovery meeting in which you start together then break up into small groups according to issue and gender. They would have help for you as his support person also.
Good Luck!
Good Luck!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,781
Agree, no way it's necessary or appropriate.
Do you have much experience with addiction at all? If not, educating yourself is what you should be worried about right now... start with the sticky threads at the top of this forum if you haven't already read them.
I've been dealing with addiction in one form or another my entire life, but I was still shocked to discover how much I didn't know. SR has been invaluable to me for this reason alone.
Do you have much experience with addiction at all? If not, educating yourself is what you should be worried about right now... start with the sticky threads at the top of this forum if you haven't already read them.
I've been dealing with addiction in one form or another my entire life, but I was still shocked to discover how much I didn't know. SR has been invaluable to me for this reason alone.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Ladyscribbler has a great suggestion.
In addition, I think it's a very good idea for you to attend an AA meeting or two ON YOUR OWN (not his meetings, and not with him). You can attend any meeting labeled "open"--"closed" meetings are for alcoholics or those who are concerned about their own drinking.
I think it's a good idea also for you to read the Big Book ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the main AA text). This is NOT so you can "support" his recovery, but rather to get a better understanding of alcoholism and what's involved in recovery. IOW, I'm suggesting this in the interest of increasing YOUR knowledge about what you may be getting into, and how alcoholism "works."
You said something in a previous post about whether it's possible to have "just a small problem." There really isn't any such thing as a "touch" of alcoholism--it's pretty much like being "a little bit pregnant." If someone is an alcoholic, it WILL progress, and will eventually consume the life of the person who has it. And it's not necessarily easier to deal with in the early stages, because that's still when it's most easy to deny that it's there, or that it is a serious problem.
But the other posters are right--this is HIS recovery and the more you stay out of it, the better--for both of you. It is the other recovered alcoholics in the room that he must rely on, not you. And if you are there holding his hand like a nice supportive girlfriend, he won't be hearing the hard truths he needs to hear.
In addition, I think it's a very good idea for you to attend an AA meeting or two ON YOUR OWN (not his meetings, and not with him). You can attend any meeting labeled "open"--"closed" meetings are for alcoholics or those who are concerned about their own drinking.
I think it's a good idea also for you to read the Big Book ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the main AA text). This is NOT so you can "support" his recovery, but rather to get a better understanding of alcoholism and what's involved in recovery. IOW, I'm suggesting this in the interest of increasing YOUR knowledge about what you may be getting into, and how alcoholism "works."
You said something in a previous post about whether it's possible to have "just a small problem." There really isn't any such thing as a "touch" of alcoholism--it's pretty much like being "a little bit pregnant." If someone is an alcoholic, it WILL progress, and will eventually consume the life of the person who has it. And it's not necessarily easier to deal with in the early stages, because that's still when it's most easy to deny that it's there, or that it is a serious problem.
But the other posters are right--this is HIS recovery and the more you stay out of it, the better--for both of you. It is the other recovered alcoholics in the room that he must rely on, not you. And if you are there holding his hand like a nice supportive girlfriend, he won't be hearing the hard truths he needs to hear.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 508
If he wants to quit then he will find the way.
The only way ANY drunk/problem drinker/alcoholic/whatever has quit alcohol is alone.
Support is available to drinkers& non-drinkers.
With the hindsight of my experience of romantic and platonic relationships with addicts/alcoholics I certainly wouldn't be this close to this man.
Incidentally I'm the same age as you.
I have experienced my own addictions, those of family members and various friends' issues too.
I spent years trying to fix other people without realising I was wrecking myself in the process.
Since I've started to fix myself my SELF-esteem is rocketing.
Anxiety, drama & unpredictable behaviour are not things I enjoy yet I was addicted to these things as surely as my DoC (Drug of Choice)
I hope your path in life leads you well
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
The only way ANY drunk/problem drinker/alcoholic/whatever has quit alcohol is alone.
Support is available to drinkers& non-drinkers.
With the hindsight of my experience of romantic and platonic relationships with addicts/alcoholics I certainly wouldn't be this close to this man.
Incidentally I'm the same age as you.
I have experienced my own addictions, those of family members and various friends' issues too.
I spent years trying to fix other people without realising I was wrecking myself in the process.
Since I've started to fix myself my SELF-esteem is rocketing.
Anxiety, drama & unpredictable behaviour are not things I enjoy yet I was addicted to these things as surely as my DoC (Drug of Choice)
I hope your path in life leads you well
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
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