redrose0729

I just woke up to find my addict boyfriend gone. He took his atm card out of my purse (he asked me to hold it cause he doesn't trust himself). But even worse he took my car out. Just when I could go to sleep and not put everything under the mattress again. :crying: Here is where I pace and pray he makes is home alive. I am angry , hurt , and scared all at the same time. I have no idea how long he has been gone or when he will be back. I pray to God he doesn't wreck my car. I sit here crying . I am so tired of this . It is terrible that him being good is when he is only drinking and smoking weed( and that is not good either) . Something told me tonight hide the keys and the cards. I never keep cash on me for this reason. The money on his atm is all we have to make it on untill the end of the month and that was only $50. He was saying today he was surprised on how well I had handled the money and that there was any left. GEe wonder why. He just drove up.

redrose0729

He made it home safe. He says he left $20 in the account. I fussed at him some let him know I was upset and why (but without blowing up). I told him never take my car out agian that I did not want my vehicle mixed in his doings and that if he sold anything from now on I would not pay to get it back agian that he would have to live without it and take the consequenses and let him know that I am afraid that one day he will not come back. I don't think it does anygood for me to get in a full blown argument with him when he is using. I just keep praying that one day he gets help. It hurts seeing what he is doing to himself. Thank you all for being here coming here helps me deal with all of this.
rose

JT

Well done...you are right. What would be the point of an argument. Be sure you follow through on what you say...or don't say things you aren't sure you can follow through on.

Now breath and enjoy the rest of your day,
Hugs,
JT

Magichappens

Those are the times when I am grateful I have Al-Anon. My sponsor doesn't care if it's 2am. I can call her. When that fear jumps up, I feel helpless and alone. Al-Anon has taught me that I don't have to go through this alone. This forum is such a support for me too. Knowing that there are people who understand keeps me from isolating. I am glad that your bf was ok. Keep coming back. Hugs, Magic

redrose0729

Thanks JT . I guess one thing that helps me not get so angry is that he knows and admits he has problems and when he messes up he does not make excuses for himself and try to blame others, another is I see real remorse on his face and not just a routine. I sit back and watch this bright intelligent man and what he is doing to himself and I cry because it is such a waste. I see so much potential in him. He is amazing with my kids. He tells people " look I finally have a family" and " I have 2 little girls". The way he is with my kids makes me love him more it takes a special man to love children that he did not father like his own.
I have been looking at my actions and now through this site I am seeing that some of the things I am doing is helping him stay dependant. But, I am unclear on where the line is in being there and supportive and being codependant. I have learned to stand up for myself some not completely. I realized the other day that I was parking behind him in the driveway and he could not leave at night . I think I was doing it subcounciously. Last night I didn't though and wham he took my car out I think he was probally low on gas. In the past I have hidden his car keys along with mine is that wrong? I feel like sometimes I have to treat him like a child so he doesn't go use. I have to monitor how much money he has ( he asks me to do this) . Sometimes just to make sure the gas money acctually goes in his tank I will take it and gas up his car. I try to always make sure he has plenty to eat because if he eats well he usually goes to sleep and will not what he calls " get stupid ". But, I don't stand over him and say " EAT EAT EAT" . His mother does that to him . He was a few weeks ago fusing at me alot but then I sort of got a little back bone and started standing up for myself and it seems like it defused his fussing it seems he respects me more when I stand up for myself rather that just sitting there in tears. He had been pulling away from me and I told him even though we are in the same room I still miss him that I missed the hugs he gave me out of the blue for no reason at all, when he reached over and touched my hair in the night and the nights we would just sit up and talk and talk for hours. He is starting to gradually do those things agian. I am sorry to ramble on I could do it all day. I think we all could at times. Any words of advice or wisdom is welcome here. I feel like a baby codie with need of some direction.

redrose0729

Thanks magic last night it helped alot to be able to come on here and let talk about what was going on.

cwohio

redrose - sounds like you are practicing some of the tools of the trade - (no blowing up). being fairly new here i still get anxious when a "crisis" occurs - but maybe not quite so much as before. hang in there.

yes it hurts a lot but we must continue to focus on what we can fix (ourselves) and pray that are a's do the same someday!

hugs to you - cwohio

Teggie

I remember when I first started alanon, I came across a post on enabling and boundries, it really made me step back and look honestly at myself. I thought back on aspects of my relationship and explored whether some of my actions had enabled him or not. I also explored areas where I felt like I had tried to control the situation and had'nt let the natural consequences occur. It was tough and a difficult thing to do. My own responsibility was hard for me to acknowledge. But I feel better because once I realized those areas I was able to better deal with them, sometimes certain areas fall into a "grey zone" in that they can easily fit into one or more categories, I guess it just takes alot of reflection on ourselves to decide whether the behavior is helpful or hurtful. You have a good head on your shoulders, I know how tough it must be, hang in there! Hugs! Teggie

Daffodil

redrose, In the Al-Anon Just for today bookmark, it says something like I can do for today what would drive me crazy if I had to do it all the time. As I changed my behavior and attitudes, I found there was a lot of things I could change in my self and my behaviors.

Today, there are times I ask myself is this something I want to do the rest of my life?

It helps me find the balance in my behaviors.

Your doing great!