killerinstinct

So I recently found out this gorgeous sweet guy I like is a drug dealer... Awesome knowing that the two years of working a program to guard my heart and protect my life is still attracting me to this type of guy even though I haven't dated in two years? I am disappointed he is so much fun and so gorgeous and so sweet.. That's exactly what I said when I met my ex husband... So I know not to be so ******* dumb to step in that black hole again but ******* hell I finally meet a hunk again and then this... So sad that I have to distance myself and get on with my life. I will miss the fantasy

Hawks

Do you find "normal " guys boring?

I just ask because I have watched a couple of women I know, who keep putting their head in the same old noose, time and again with "bad boy" types and one of them said once that she meets guys who are emotionally available, stable, happy etc, but that they "bore me silly" (her words)

Do you think you might be kind of addicted to the drama??

killerinstinct

I think your spot on... I really do want a stable grounded healthy fun exciting loving guy ... Just seems impossible in this world or maybe that type isn't attracted to me and only high risk dramatic type are?? What am I doing wrong I mean I haven't dated in two years specifically for this reason!!!!!

Katchie

I can't remember if you said you're seeing a therapist or not? If so you might want to run this across them and see what you need to work on. If you dont, perhaps get one. ;-)

Hawks

I reckon it's a sub concious thing.

Somewhere a long the way you've learned to hone in on these type of guys and they too have learned to hone in on you.

My wife dated a guy straight out of prison, having done 3 years for armed robbery. She loved bad boys but thought she could love them straight.

She knew his history and pursued him anyway.

This one changed for her though.

Became completely sub-servient to her every wish and demand.

She'd probably have married him, except that she met him in England and she was from Nz and he was from Nigeria.

He couldn't stay in the UK after his conviction and she didn't fancy going to live in Africa.

When she met me, I guess she just assumed that she could get the same deal with me.

We've made it through, but geez, you really don't wanna know what I've put her through.

I think one of the biggest things in a relationship is learning to adjust to and be happy with a flawed person.

You just gotta judge how many flaws you're prepared to live with.

You can retrain yourself to adjust to boredom and a lack of drama.

Maybe the "all eyes on me" alpha male type is extremely attractive at first, but often, they turn out to be hiding and covering up something with all the bluster and supposed trappings of success.

I think you have found that out already right?

Sometimes learning to love, rather than being bowled over with lust, is a better way to go.

Most of the people I know in genuinely happy relationships "fell" for each other gradually.

Most of the people who want fireworks right off the bat, eventually realise..... Fireworks explode.

LemonGirl

I can relate! Love the bad boys and bored with the boring boys...... or so I thought. Recently I have been thinking that it is the social excitement and attention that I am craving. I guess I feel somewhere that I am "missing" those things in my life and I romanticise it. That's as far as I've gotten with that self revelation though... lol... it's time to retrain the brain!

dandylion

I think the important thing is that one can recognize quickly, before investing yourself....and, throwing them back, right away.

You can't always tell a book by it's cover...but, you can as soon after you open the book up.

Just saying.....

dandylion

killerinstinct

I am so ashamed and so disappointed in myself for even getting involved with him the slightest bit, it opened up the door for me to have some fun with drugs again and although I am not an addict or hooked on anything and 'just' (yeah right I'm in denial by saying just - all drugs are bad) had some fun on the wild side which I haven't in so long it dawned upon me for the first time ever that my son deserves better that this out of his mother, I deserve better than this out of life.. And you know it could be so easy to go down the path to hell.To waste my time on such selfish behaviour is disgusting on my part and I don't deserve my son if I behave like this. I can see I have changed a great deal over two years, and although this man never spoon fed me anything or forced me to do anything and is a nice person in general his connection to the drug realm on a spiritual level is so dangerous and I am just so grateful for being so educated on this stuff now, all of that hard work over two years has payed off now.. This definitely could have turned into a disaster and am very sad it even got this far but am truly grateful the Good Lord is watching over me.. I couldn't do any of this without Jesus and all the help in this forum, my church and education.

killerinstinct

Wow that's Profound stuff Hawks, Katchie yes I have a therapist but have never discussed this subject with her because I've never met anyone since my ex and I broke up

Hawks

Well at least the old saying "once bitten, twice shy" came good after a bit of a relapse into your old ideas.

Don't beat yourself up because you're right now, changing for the better, but sometimes a little pain is a great motivator to keep moving, keep finding what works and what doesn't.

Joyce Meyers does some awesome stuff on changing ourselves at a base level.

I have an app on my phone called "podbay" and Joyce has a channel on there.

All free and a goldmine of a resource.

Podbay.fm - Stream any podcast in the universe quickly and easily.

killerinstinct

What I am is stupid, who knows what type of dark horse this man really is and I just opened my heart up to him.. Who knows what's really in what substances anymore.. I was reading up on substances and their effects the other day and only just heard about a drug called bath salts from him and am shitting my pants because he would talk about them in general conversation.. Big Red Flag now that I think of it!!! I'm so dumb. I wonder if he has used them! I could have put myself and my son in a very dangerous situation.. I am so grateful for Gods mercy and wisdom. .. I am naive but God will never leave me with my stupidity - he is always there - Praise Jesus. Thank you I will check it out.

kudzujean

"We are comfortable with the familiar, even if it is painful."

I too used to find good, decent, stable men "boring."

Now you see that he's bad news, and are going to distance yourself. That is progress.

Jupiters

I just wanted to say that bath salts are no joke. You really want nothing to do with anyone who is involved with that. I hope you get away from this guy and fast.

freetosmile

Hey killer-
I just wanted to say, I think you REALLY discovered something about yourself in this thread. You came right out and said it. Let me recap:

I'm pissed this guy is a dealer and therefore I can't date him-

Then it was

Yes, I probably DO seek out the "bad boys" sub consciously.

Then YOU DID SOMETHING REMARKABLE----

You turned the WHOLE CONVERSATION BACK TO YOU and YOUR behavior!! YOU admitted being ashamed about YOUR behavior and recommitted to the program and BACK to WORKING ON YOU!!!

I think that is amazing and I think you missed what huge strides YOU JUST MADE!!

I just want to say, you totally rock!! Good job girlie!!!

Super tight hugs because you deserve that!

pinkpeony

Just wanted to poke my head in here with my psychiatric nurse cap on and tell you that bath salts are horrible, awful, terrible. When I worked at the state psych hospital, I primarily worked on the female units. We would have young girls come in that had taken bath salts and it just turned their brains mush. Really, it was horrific to see what bath salts can do. A couple of the girls will never be the same.

Run away from this guy as quickly as possible. No contact for sure!

FlippedRHalo

Agree with pinkpeony - that's some terrifying stuff. You need to remove yourself from this person's life a.s.a.p. Killer. That's a road that you do not want to go down.

You have an attraction to addicts - so do I. I get it. You may have been single for 2 years, but something is still working inside of you that tells you this is what is comfortable for you and you're still unconsciously seeking that out. THAT is what needs to be targeted and worked out. That is exactly what you should be speaking with your therapist about.

Santa

Bath salts?!...talk about red flags, that one is on fire

freetosmile

I honestly don't think that the issue is bath salts...I think the issue is the BEHAVIOR and the PEOPLE that killer is involving in her life. I think THAT is the most important thing here. I mean the drug dealing is ENOUGH of a red flag to run like hell and it sounds like she is, so....