So back again.....and again........and again...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 48
So back again.....and again........and again...
I am not a stupid person. I have a wonderful family, about to be a grandad for the first time in March so why am I so F******** stupid? I hate booze I hate what it does to me I hate what I become, I hate most what it stops me doing and becoming, so why oh why do I just keep doing it despite my realself?
I am sat at work, loads of Vdka in me nobody notices because it really has limited effect anymore until I go home and pass out in front of the tv.
I still keep fit, done tough Mudder and total warrior etc, 60 in November its a constant battle between it and the real me, infact the real me now over compensates. whatever,I need to stop, please. please, please
Sorry
I am sat at work, loads of Vdka in me nobody notices because it really has limited effect anymore until I go home and pass out in front of the tv.
I still keep fit, done tough Mudder and total warrior etc, 60 in November its a constant battle between it and the real me, infact the real me now over compensates. whatever,I need to stop, please. please, please
Sorry
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Sorry to read you are struggling.
Not sure what you've been doing to fight this addiction, if you are engaged in any formal treatment for alcoholism, but rarely does the decision to quit drinking, by itself, carry us through to success. So if doing this on your own isn't working, what are you open to doing?
Not sure what you've been doing to fight this addiction, if you are engaged in any formal treatment for alcoholism, but rarely does the decision to quit drinking, by itself, carry us through to success. So if doing this on your own isn't working, what are you open to doing?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Grok, It doesn't make sense. Somehow our brains have inflated the reward of drinking to trump everything else and the cause is the very substance associated with this phantom reward.
What does make sense is quitting and taking everything that comes (good and bad--but it will be REAL).
I'm at 7+ months and am only now beginning to grok life but I can say it is better-- if for no other reason I have options. Alcohol is a jealous lover--doesn't allow others in. Drop her like a telemarketer. Hang up.
Given the amount you are drinking it would be wise to taper to a safe level before abrupt cessation and if you can't do that, inpatient detox is only 3 days now--do it on a week-end. AVRT helps me as does checking in here daily and meetings sometimes. Try doing what your screen name implies--Let life w/out alcohol fill you, make you bigger. There may be a limit to how big I can be but having never stepped out there I would never know.
What does make sense is quitting and taking everything that comes (good and bad--but it will be REAL).
I'm at 7+ months and am only now beginning to grok life but I can say it is better-- if for no other reason I have options. Alcohol is a jealous lover--doesn't allow others in. Drop her like a telemarketer. Hang up.
Given the amount you are drinking it would be wise to taper to a safe level before abrupt cessation and if you can't do that, inpatient detox is only 3 days now--do it on a week-end. AVRT helps me as does checking in here daily and meetings sometimes. Try doing what your screen name implies--Let life w/out alcohol fill you, make you bigger. There may be a limit to how big I can be but having never stepped out there I would never know.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Being smart, fit, married, adored by children, and still employed even when saturated with vodka for sure qualifies you as an alcoholic....and that is why you are struggling to stay sober. Sounds like you need to process and talk through this issued. SR, obviously, is one resource but do you have other support resources for face-to-face contact such as a support group/meeting or an individual counselor/therapist? Having a counselor to talk to was really important for me.....it also helped hold me accountable for my sobriety.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Grok 
I am not a stupid person.
You can be free of this madness. It starts with dumping out the rest of your liquor.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
My beautiful and beloved poppa was the kindest and most gentle and brilliant man. He was an accomplished business man who would "go out with the boys" for liquid lunches. Two martinis at lunch. Maybe sometimes a bit of a third. Then home at 5:30 where another 2-4 awaited him. Nightly.
He never missed a day at his pride and joy company that he managed to build after the death of his pharmacist daughter to an accidental drug and alcohol overdose. He poured his heart and soul into that company.
And poured the drinks to stop the pain...
His little heart just gave out at 67. No warning. No pre-emptive measures we could have taken. Always took exceptional care of himself, save the booze.
He had another 15 good years in him. Even the light of his life, his granddaughter, couldn't save him from himself. And he adored her with every cell in his soul. He was gone by her 4th birthday. She's 18 now and she still aches for him. They used to play Peter Pan. He took her to the play at a local high school - every night for the entire run. Bought her a tshirt. It's her most prized possession. To this day, she can't watch it without sobbing. She always made him play Smee. And she was ALWAYS Hook.
If I can offer you anything, anything at all, try harder. Just keep quitting and keep trying.
Blessings.
He never missed a day at his pride and joy company that he managed to build after the death of his pharmacist daughter to an accidental drug and alcohol overdose. He poured his heart and soul into that company.
And poured the drinks to stop the pain...
His little heart just gave out at 67. No warning. No pre-emptive measures we could have taken. Always took exceptional care of himself, save the booze.
He had another 15 good years in him. Even the light of his life, his granddaughter, couldn't save him from himself. And he adored her with every cell in his soul. He was gone by her 4th birthday. She's 18 now and she still aches for him. They used to play Peter Pan. He took her to the play at a local high school - every night for the entire run. Bought her a tshirt. It's her most prized possession. To this day, she can't watch it without sobbing. She always made him play Smee. And she was ALWAYS Hook.
If I can offer you anything, anything at all, try harder. Just keep quitting and keep trying.
Blessings.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Hi Grok. I see that you only made 36 post since you joined almost 2 years ago.
Maybe checking in daily with SR in the 24 hours recovery connections, reading and participating in other people's thread and reaching out before you drink would help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-35-a.html
Do you have face to face support like AA, Smart etc?
For most of us, just wanting to quit was not enough, we had do the work too and it is an ongoing thing. Good news is that it does get easier.
Maybe checking in daily with SR in the 24 hours recovery connections, reading and participating in other people's thread and reaching out before you drink would help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-35-a.html
Do you have face to face support like AA, Smart etc?
For most of us, just wanting to quit was not enough, we had do the work too and it is an ongoing thing. Good news is that it does get easier.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 98
Grok I hear your cries snd feel your pain. However, you know only you can stop this mental turmoil. Only you can not pick that drink up tomorrow. Make tomorrow your day 1. The best decision you've ever made. Come back here and post. Let us know how you're doing. I know you can do it. Be the person you're meant to be x
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Welcome back or aboard
Love the screen name, but as Michael explained grok king only works in and around life water, dump everything else, coz it sure ain't life water.
SR. is a great resource, check in often , read ,post , lots of caring people coming from the same perspective , hope to see you around.
When I found SR , I saw mention of AVRT , googling that term lead me to more material that really resonated for me. There is a thread about it here in the secular forum, check,out all the forums , lots,of,good advice and experience sharing all around.
Wish you well and hope to see around
Love the screen name, but as Michael explained grok king only works in and around life water, dump everything else, coz it sure ain't life water.
SR. is a great resource, check in often , read ,post , lots of caring people coming from the same perspective , hope to see you around.
When I found SR , I saw mention of AVRT , googling that term lead me to more material that really resonated for me. There is a thread about it here in the secular forum, check,out all the forums , lots,of,good advice and experience sharing all around.
Wish you well and hope to see around
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Hey Grok don't beat yourself up man.
You've made it clear how much you hate alcohol and the impact it has on your life. So maybe pay a little attention to the positive changes you want in your life that can be best achieved with sobriety.
Write them down. Envision them. And then take action.
More power to you Grok!
You've made it clear how much you hate alcohol and the impact it has on your life. So maybe pay a little attention to the positive changes you want in your life that can be best achieved with sobriety.
Write them down. Envision them. And then take action.
More power to you Grok!
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