givingup

Oh yeah, he is done with his weeklong binge now and expects that everything will go on as before. After all, I didn't have to bail him out of jail. He wasn't physically abusive. He's back in the program So what's the problem?

The problem is that I would like to believe that its the last time. I would like to fall back into his arms and pretend nothing has changed. But something has changed. Its me. Except I don't know what to do with this feeling.

I don't want to get mad or even get even. I don't want to punish him but I want to protect myself.

I hear that loud sucking sound. Its pulling me back to him. Back to lala land. I need to be strong but what does that mean if I want a healthy relationship.

Anyone else?

Giving up but holding on? No wonder he is confused.

Gabe

We all want to believe it's the last time. We want to believe that with all our hearts. And maybe it is. But there is no way to tell for sure. So all you can do is take things one day at a time and hope for the best.
Of course you're confused. You're dealing with inconsistent behavior. That is confusing to anyone.
Give yourself some time to see how this plays out.
Hugs,
Gabe

Magichappens

I had to let go of the notion of my idea of a healthy relationship. That was the one where I planned both peoples' parts. I had to focus on having a healthy relationship with myself. Once I started with that, I learned how to have healthy relationships, whether both parties are healthy or not. Hugs, Magic

best

At first read of the thread title....

That loud sucking sound

My first thought was it is the sound of the life being sucked out of someone.

"I don't want to get mad or even get even. I don't want to punish him but I want to protect myself."

Sounds like you have everything under control with that statement.
Under control to the point of things you can control.
There is always hope and as you are waiting for things to change...
Yes protect yourself.

dax

I do not think it is possible to have a normal realationship with a recovered or drinking alcoholic. If you like to spend the rest of you life going to alanon to try to hold on to your sanity, then go for it. If I knew what I know now, I think I would pass him on to someone else. he seemsd to perfrer the company of other ex drunks. This is just my opionion. If you find a great fellowship in alanon- and there certainly is one. then staying is certainly a good option. Alanons really stick together if you get in with the in group. I an just sick sick sick of living with a chronically ill person. and that is what an alcoholic is. I guess my man will always be in a chronic state of denial about anything he does that is unacceptable. I tend to ignore him at this point and do things I like to do. sigh. dax

DefofLov

Peace and blessings to you all.

I have realized that there comes a time in your life when you actually have to put yourself first. You actually have to stand back and take control of yourself and your situation because you cannot take control of anyone else or their situation.

It is so hard for people like those in Al-Anon to do that because we have spent so much time putting the A first. Just because it is the first letter of the alphabet does not mean it is the first in order. How long is it before we get to the M in me or the I?? How long will we put aside our happiness to reach a good end for the A's disease??

I have found that once I did take control of my happiness, I was better to the people around me. I can help others better with my newfound positivity and happiness for life. And you know what? It was worth the trouble of putting the M first.

~Def

Bambi

Boy I sure can relate to this. I just took my husband back AGAIN. Him crying on the phone telling me how much he loves me and can't live with out me, while I am feeling so alone, and empty inside, missing my best friend. Well I am not that strong. I have said this IS the last time, does he believe me??