On the verge
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Iowa
Posts: 23
On the verge
Hi guys- I have a new issue.
I'm going to my 3rd meeting and I'm scared this time. The meeting are great and I like the people it's just that (at my meeting anyway) they go down the rows for people to speak and i'm not all that comfortable speaking just yet. At the other two I went to I just said my name and "I'll pass", which was fine but the scary part is, I've admitted to myself that I'm an alcoholic, but no one else. I'm afraid to go to these meetings and actually say that I am. Like it makes it more real and every time I think about doing it I tear up. Point of no return. Once the tears start I feel like I'll never stop. If you knew me you'd understand why this is such an issue. I'm a very unemotional person. Tears and affection make me nauseous (other issues) I'm so close, like there's this whole other person waiting to emerge and I don't know her. I'm not comfortable with her either.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Kelly
I'm going to my 3rd meeting and I'm scared this time. The meeting are great and I like the people it's just that (at my meeting anyway) they go down the rows for people to speak and i'm not all that comfortable speaking just yet. At the other two I went to I just said my name and "I'll pass", which was fine but the scary part is, I've admitted to myself that I'm an alcoholic, but no one else. I'm afraid to go to these meetings and actually say that I am. Like it makes it more real and every time I think about doing it I tear up. Point of no return. Once the tears start I feel like I'll never stop. If you knew me you'd understand why this is such an issue. I'm a very unemotional person. Tears and affection make me nauseous (other issues) I'm so close, like there's this whole other person waiting to emerge and I don't know her. I'm not comfortable with her either.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Kelly
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
"Like it makes it more real"
Yup
That is why we say we are an alcoholic. Not so that others know but so that we accept who we are.
When you are ready, you will speak. You will know the when and will share as you can. Not a worry problem as I see it.
Yup
That is why we say we are an alcoholic. Not so that others know but so that we accept who we are.
When you are ready, you will speak. You will know the when and will share as you can. Not a worry problem as I see it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
Hi Kelly,
I found your post very interesting. Obviously, you have to cross the hurdle of admitting out loud that you're an alcoholic. I do understand that it's scary, but I think you'll find it very freeing! I wasn't expecting to find a whole other person when I stopped drinking, but I did and it's been scary and interesting. There are parts of me that have emerged that I did not believe were a part of my personality for 45 years of my life. Nevertheless they are there and I must acknowledge them. It's not so much negative parts of me, but different parts. I've found and am still finding more about me. Try to look at as part of this journey that we're on, which I believe is all about learning!
Love, Anna
I found your post very interesting. Obviously, you have to cross the hurdle of admitting out loud that you're an alcoholic. I do understand that it's scary, but I think you'll find it very freeing! I wasn't expecting to find a whole other person when I stopped drinking, but I did and it's been scary and interesting. There are parts of me that have emerged that I did not believe were a part of my personality for 45 years of my life. Nevertheless they are there and I must acknowledge them. It's not so much negative parts of me, but different parts. I've found and am still finding more about me. Try to look at as part of this journey that we're on, which I believe is all about learning!
Love, Anna
Paused
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Federal Way, WA
Posts: 30
What everyone else has already said, but even more interesting is the new person inside you yearning to get out.
Affection and emotion is something many of us have longed for but not allowed ourselves to have. Go with it, you will be AMAZED!
As you will undoubtedly hear allot, you and your recovery will be like the skin of an onion, the more that is removed, the more that will be revealed. It is an incredible journey you are undertaking.
Remember one thing - all these people at the meetings have been right where you are at. One of the reasons I still go to meetings is so I can hear from the newcomers that it is still painful out there - so thank you for sharing!
Affection and emotion is something many of us have longed for but not allowed ourselves to have. Go with it, you will be AMAZED!
As you will undoubtedly hear allot, you and your recovery will be like the skin of an onion, the more that is removed, the more that will be revealed. It is an incredible journey you are undertaking.
Remember one thing - all these people at the meetings have been right where you are at. One of the reasons I still go to meetings is so I can hear from the newcomers that it is still painful out there - so thank you for sharing!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
I can identify with what you are saying. It is scary to admit, but it feels so much better now that I've accepted it. The person I am getting to know, that inner self, is not so bad. She is actually a fun person. I never imagined I would have so much fun when I quit drinking and using drugs. It's unbelievable and it makes me feel like dancing 
. Once I overcame the fear, I began to see things differently. You'll do the same when it's your time. For now, just keep going to the meetings and remain open minded. The seed has been planted, and as it grows, so will you!
. Once I overcame the fear, I began to see things differently. You'll do the same when it's your time. For now, just keep going to the meetings and remain open minded. The seed has been planted, and as it grows, so will you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
(((((((Kelly))))))))
Think many of US have been there. I felt the same way. I walked through the fear and emerged and what a gift it ended up being! You will probably be helping many others.
Kiss Heart of Spirit In Love & Service,
Three Legs
Think many of US have been there. I felt the same way. I walked through the fear and emerged and what a gift it ended up being! You will probably be helping many others.
Kiss Heart of Spirit In Love & Service,
Three Legs
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