jpenny

My husband willing admitted himself to rehab two weeks ago. He had been excessively and secretly drinking so much that he physically could not stop. I am so proud of him that he made this decision to better himself, it must have been very hard for him to leave his wife and two kids(7and5) four days before Christmas. I am looking for advice on how to support him when he comes home, and I guess what to expect. I have already made sure our home is alcohol free and I know that we are going to do couple therapy when he gets back..he seems very positive that he will stay sober and I hope he is right. Our twelve years together pretty much has revolved around friends, family, and drinking... so I am not going to pretend that this will be easy... but I am sure all our bodies will be grateful for it. I have been looking at this site for a few days and I love all the support you give one another. I look forward to your support now and hopefully helping others in the future.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, jenny, to SR. Glad you found us.

Tonks

Welcome to our community Jenny!

Also within our forums you will find a section dedicated to family and friends of those suffering from addiction. Take a look around!

Soberwolf

Welcome Jpenny nice to meet you

Mountainmanbob

Remind him (as my wife does often) that his AA meetings are important

The study of the AA Big Book
contains a ton of good information regarding alcoholism
a must read and understand for the Recovering drunk
also for you -- Chapter -- For The Families
My Sponsor recommended to my wife that she read the Big Book (she did)

In the beginning of AA it was also recommended to attend
church and or bible studies

The alcoholic suffers from a spiritual condition

MM

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just a taste

Chapter Nine
THE FAMILY AFTERWARD
Our women folk have suggested certain attitudes a wife may take with the husband who is recovering. Perhaps they created the impression that he is to be wrapped in cotton wool and placed on a pedestal. Successful readjustment means the opposite. All members of the family must meet upon the common ground of tolerance, understanding, and love. This involves a process of deflation. The alcoholic, his wife, his children, his "in-laws", each one is likely to have fixed ideas about the family's attitude towards himself or herself. Each is interested in having his or her wishes respected. The more one member of a family demands that the other concede to him, the more resentful they become. This makes for discord and unhappiness.

Mountainmanbob

Quote:


Originally Posted by jpenny View Post


I am looking for advice on how to support him when he comes home

================================================== ===========

Remind him (as my wife does often) that his AA meetings are important

The study of the AA Big Book
contains a ton of good information regarding alcoholism
a must read and understand for the Recovering drunk
also for you -- Chapter -- For The Families
My Sponsor recommended to my wife that she read the Big Book (she did)

In the beginning of AA it was also recommended to attend
church and or bible studies

The alcoholic suffers from a spiritual condition

MM

================================================== ==============

just a taste

Chapter Nine
THE FAMILY AFTERWARD
Our women folk have suggested certain attitudes a wife may take with the husband who is recovering. Perhaps they created the impression that he is to be wrapped in cotton wool and placed on a pedestal. Successful readjustment means the opposite. All members of the family must meet upon the common ground of tolerance, understanding, and love. This involves a process of deflation. The alcoholic, his wife, his children, his "in-laws", each one is likely to have fixed ideas about the family's attitude towards himself or herself. Each is interested in having his or her wishes respected. The more one member of a family demands that the other concede to him, the more resentful they become. This makes for discord and unhappiness.

airwick

JPenny,

I am so happy for you that he had decided to go to Rehab on his own--that is such a positive step in itself.

I myself was married to a man for years (have a son who is 13 now), he wouldn't seek help.

I love to hear positive news----a loved one (like your husband) making that first step.

I wish the best for you and your family!
Getting temptation (alcohol) out of the house is a step in the right direction.

Be sure to ask your councilor about steps you both can take in order for you to continue on with an alcohol-free lifestyle

The best of luck to you again

biminiblue

So...what about your drinking? You say your life has revolved around it? Are you having any trouble stopping?

Alwyshope12

Have you considered attending Alanon? It is a great program that will help you get perspective from others who live / have lived with alcoholic partners.

i go to Alanon and find it really helpful.

Anna

Really, the only thing you can do to support him is to not have alcohol in the house if you are willing to accept that. Recovery is something he will have to manage himself. For you, you could check out AlAnon in your area as a support for yourself.

LexieCat

Will he be going to AA? If so, it might be good for you to go to a couple of meetings on your own, just to learn what the program involves.

Regardless of his own program/recovery, it's important to let HIM manage it. I respectfully disagree that you should "remind" him of how important it is to go to meetings--though it is good to understand that if he spends a lot of time at meetings or with AA friends, that's an important part of his recovery.

Getting involved in Al-Anon can help YOU keep your focus where it belongs--on yourself and your own recovery.

It's also helpful to understand that everything doesn't change all at once, just because your alcoholic has gotten sober. It takes time to unlearn a lot of the poor coping patterns most alcoholics adopt while they are still drinking. And it takes US time to adjust to the differences at home. Al-Anon can help you a lot with that.

PrettyAngelDove

Welcome Jpenney!

jpenny

Thanks to everyone for the support! I am planning to get to Alanon as soon as possible...
Biminiblue asked about my drinking and it is a good question. I have certainly been an abuser of alcohol over the years, and it is going to be a struggle for our new lifestyle to work for the both of us.. I have never gone long periods of time without drinking, like months or anything, except when I was pregnant, twice... no problem not drinking then!
Again, that is why I am on here.... to support him and to support me... I am aware this lifestyle change is going to be difficult for us and our friends and family....

JanieJ

Welcome Jpenny

I'm so glad that your husband has found some help for his drinking. I would think that the best way to support him would be to not drink yourself, at least at home.

Glad you found us.

biminiblue

jpenny - I hope you will be able to focus on your sobriety first. It will actually be easier on both of you since you both want to quit, than it would be to have one of you still drinking. Can you start going to meetings now? (AA)

There is going to be a lot of emotion in your house for quite some time if you are both coming off alcohol. Can you get to a meeting? Both Al Anon and AA would be helpful - but if you've been drinking alongside him, and you think it's going to be difficult to quit, start with AA - that's the biggest problem, and the first to tackle. This is going to be a whole new, healthier relationship! Good for both of you.

There will be some bumps in the road, this isn't going to be easy, and it's not going to be fast. Stay the course - and definitely post here on this site - there is a lot of support.