rjh

46 years old, divorced twice, been drinking off and on for 30 years. Always relapse. Quit 6 months, quit 3 months, quit 1 week, quit 3 days, etc.....
Friends call me from pub almost everyday to come, I usually do(if Iam not hung over). Go there at 2pm, drink until close sometimes. 3 days sober now, not because I dont want to drink, but because, I feel like crap, all bloated, etc. Drank 4 litres of wine 4 days ago. I usually drive home intoxicated also. Owner of pub has put stop to that, but sometimes i just sneak out, only live 3 minutes away. Have had 2 DUI`s, in 18 years. Last one was 4 years ago. Have friends that will help me, but usually i just nod my head and say, i know iam a alcoholic, and i need to stop. Then i will do good for 4-5 days, goto gym, workout, etc. Then as soon as i start feeling good, i go back to my watering hole" where everybody knows my name".
Then i will drink for 4-5 days straight, then sick for usually 3-4 days. One big circle. Tell you the truth , its been 3 days now, feeling better, face still bloated, but its saturday, and i know if i goto the pub, i will see my drinking buddys, and usually have a good time ( 6-7 hours of drinking). This is my first post. We will see what today brings?

riig

You feel good and go back to drinking? You might be falling for what people here call AV or addictive voice. Im not an expert myself. Im only on day 3. But i can tell you this: that addictive voice is what brings me back to alcohol after weeks. I will say something like: i have been good for a while so maybe im ok, or do i really have a problem?

The answer is yes, i have a problem, and i hope i can fight my AV in the future. I hope you do too.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, rjh, to SR.

Why not vow to stay home today; don't pick up the phone if they call. Better yet, if you don't have a pressing need to keep your phone turned on, why not turn it off completely.

How did you stay sober in the past; could you put any of those practices on place again and expand upon them?

Tonymblue

Welcome. Riig is right. Try googling AVRT and urge surfing. Vitamins really do help. B vitamins especially. Ive known people that would put l glutamine powder under their tongue when they had a craving. They say it really helps that craving dissipate. Stay strong.

rjh

I feel the best way i stay sober is to get a girlfriend, that doesnt drink. Maybe its selfish but it works for me. I put all my focus and attention into my new girlfriend, and i want to look, and feel my best for her. But usually after 3-6 months, i get comfortable, and gradually start drinking again. Then gradually stop seeing her as much. Another circle i go through. But last girlfriend was 6 months ago, and pretty much have been on 6 month binge. When i feel and look crappy, or hung over, i dont want to be dating , or have a girlfriend. Honestly my wives, and girlfriends were all very good looking. So , if i dont feel, iam up to par, basically my confidence is gone, its easier to go to the pub, where they really dont care how i look. Sad part is , i just joined a dating site, in past 2 weeks, i have 2 dates lined up, with very attractive women, but i have to cancel, because i look and feel like ****.
Its sad !!

OklaBH

Smarten yourself up and go on your dates!

rjh

Thanx for message brooks!
By the way we share the same bithday!

Ruby2

Well, finding a new girlfriend to keep you sober isn't working too well for you at this point and quite frankly, it isn't the job of these women to be your tool to maintain sobriety. I tried that too with guys but it didn't work and I was quite selfish in doing so because ultimately I hurt them.

Turn the phone off and spend some time reading on here to get ideas on making a plan for you to work on getting sober and maintaining a sober life. It doesn't have to be boring unless you want it to be. But it does require drastic changes.

Welcome to SR. It's a great community for support and to find a way.

LBrain

welcome rjh.

first things first - Do you want to stop drinking?

Do you want to feel good forever - at least not feel bad from drinking?

Are you ready to acknowledge that the only way to achieve this is to give up drinking for good?

Take some time and read through the forums. Look at the threads about people trying to moderate - slow down - their drinking. Look at the threads where people thought they were okay and thought they could have a drink again. And yes, familiarize yourself with what many refer to as the 'AV' - addictive voice.

These things alone (the experience of others) are enough for me to not want to risk going back to that life again. Others have already done the research for me. And with that overwhelming evidence, I would be foolish to think I would be the exception.
It's a tough pill to swallow acknowledging we can never drink again. But until we do, we will continue that same cycle again and again...

Your original post sounded a lot like me. I waited too long - until it affected my livelihood - to do something about it. You can do it. You just have to accept that drinking will no longer be a part of your existence. It is simple. But not as easy as it sounds.

desypete

what happens if the girl leaves you ? would you find another one so that you wouldnt drink again or would you drink before you found another girl and then give up once you got one ?

i must say i have never heard of this approach to giving up drink before

for me the only way i have stopped and stayed stopped for days, weeks, and years is by being in aa

the days grow into weeks and the weeks into years and i grow all the time from it

so for me i would offer out aa as maybe a way out for you ?

rjh

Thanx for all the support, and positive feedback. If i broke up, or she broke up, wouldnt matter. I would drink for few months, then get fed up of the way my life is going. So i would goto gym, until i started getting confidence back, and feeling better. Then date again. Like i said vicious circle!
Iam new to this site, are there ways to email people, or live chat, say if iam out in the parking lot of the pub, and just need a quick friend on here to email, or live chat to.

Ruby2

Install the app on your phone so that you can post on here whenever you need the support. I find that even if I don't directly log in, just having my phone in my hand is a reminder that there are people out there in my shoes and who are willing and able to provide support. That I'm not in this alone.

desypete

so what is the problem exactly with your drinking ? you clearly seem to be able to start and stop drinking with ease, my problem was i couldn't stop drinking hence i needed help

rjh

when i do drink, i cant stop.
i feel if there is no girlfriend in my life, why not drink.
guess i have to start loving myself more.
thanx for app details.

Jsbodhi

I can not drink too, the trouble is when I start I can't stop.
Maybe try getting sober just for you, then you'll be the best version of yourself when ms. Right arrives

rjh

Just came home from gym, felt good. drove by the pub i goto, seen all my buddys cars in parking lot. they will be calling soon. iam home now, but this sucks!!

tomsteve

I feel the best way i stay sober is to get a girlfriend, that doesnt drink. Maybe its selfish but it works for me. I put all my focus and attention into my new girlfriend, and i want to look, and feel my best for her. But usually after 3-6 months, i get comfortable, and gradually start drinking again. Then gradually stop seeing her as much. Another circle i go through.

So what yet sayin is a girlfriend DOESNT work?

Yer gonna have to want to get sober and do it for you to start with.

Life sober rocks!!

soberclover

I understand what you are saying about the sober girlfriend thought, but I suggest re-framing your thinking about not drinking because you are focusing on getting yourself better/healthier on the inside and the out. Maybe finding some male friends to hang out with that don't drink or don't drink like you would be a good idea.