Sweetfa

Well, I have been dating an alcoholic for just over a year now. As is usually the case, it has been very on and off, depending on the severity of his drinking at certain times.
He went into a week long detox a few weeks back. He seemed positive while he was there and I had hope. Things were good for a week post detox, but the inevitable relapse happened.
Something in me switched this time. I realised that I will never feel happy and safe in a relationship with him. He isn't ready to change and all the issues in his life are someone else's fault, not his (according to him.)
I broke it off. He was abusive, so I had to block him on my phone and social media. I feel strong this time. I would rather be alone that hurting and worrying. I think I'm finally there! No contact now. I'm concentrating on me. He isn't 'The One' and I can't waste my life waiting for him to change. He has no intention of doing so.

dandylion

Sweetfa....It looks like you saw the writing on the wall.

Good for you that you are able to put your own welfare as the top priority.

dandylion

firebolt

You sound logical, together, and like you're doing this with a clear head. GOOD FOR YOU! I can't wait to be where you are!

hopeful4

I am glad you can see this clearly now. Print off your post and keep it for when you feel weak.

Thing is, detox is not rehab. For someone to recover, they have to work a recovery program, and do the hard work that takes, over the period of a long long time. Few have the endurance it takes.

Keep the focus on you, because you deserve more.

Sweetfa

Thanks guys! I have no compulsion to contact him, which is different this time. I think I finally realised that he doesn't see a problem. He called ME mental?!?! Oh dear, I really hope one day that he sees the irony in that. I just calmly told him that I'm choosing myself and my own happiness now. He isn't ready to change and it's nowhere on his list of 'things to do' right now. I hope one day he does move forward, but I can't keep wasting my life waiting for that. It's taken a year, but I am there!

lillamy

Good for you!!!

Sweetfa

Received a text message from his mother asking me to call him today. I refused. Moving forward

LexieCat

Sounds good! If his mom contacts you again, you might suggest she check out Al-Anon. I have a feeling she is going to be dealing with this issue for a while.

Sweetfa

I think she's dealt with various forms of addiction with him since his early teens. I hope my walking away may make him think, but I wouldn't put money on it. Focusing on the journey forward

Eauchiche

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. I slowly realized I didn't feel safe with my partner either, but it took 14 years.