I'm back.. almost a year later. Starting over 12/1
Sober from 11/19/13-1/18/14
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 177
I'm back.. almost a year later. Starting over 12/1
Hello.
I was here before, around this same time last year, and I am back. My official sobriety date will be 12/1/2014 (tomorrow) as I had some Nyquil earlier today. I can definitely say that as I gave up my 2 month sobriety on 1/18 of this year my life has definitely spiraled out of control. I don't even know where this year went for the most part and I've been battling some major demons, considered suicide multiple times and now see a psychiatrist for AntiDepressents (Lexapro) and again Xanax for anxiety. I have almost (still might) gotten fired from my job, and was on disability for severe depression for 2 months from April-June. I fell asleep while driving (I wasn't intoxicated) in July and had to fight for my license but I won (thank GOD). My husband got laid off in March and times have been extremely difficult to say the least. I had a physical in August and I have gained 30 lbs this year and now have "fatty liver". I'm only 37.
I NEED ALCOHOL out of my life for good. It's not helping my situation but hurting it tenfold. I don't know how I am going to do this. I can't even believe I was able to do it for 2 months. But I want to do it for LIFE.
Here we go again. This needs to stick. God help me.
I was here before, around this same time last year, and I am back. My official sobriety date will be 12/1/2014 (tomorrow) as I had some Nyquil earlier today. I can definitely say that as I gave up my 2 month sobriety on 1/18 of this year my life has definitely spiraled out of control. I don't even know where this year went for the most part and I've been battling some major demons, considered suicide multiple times and now see a psychiatrist for AntiDepressents (Lexapro) and again Xanax for anxiety. I have almost (still might) gotten fired from my job, and was on disability for severe depression for 2 months from April-June. I fell asleep while driving (I wasn't intoxicated) in July and had to fight for my license but I won (thank GOD). My husband got laid off in March and times have been extremely difficult to say the least. I had a physical in August and I have gained 30 lbs this year and now have "fatty liver". I'm only 37.
I NEED ALCOHOL out of my life for good. It's not helping my situation but hurting it tenfold. I don't know how I am going to do this. I can't even believe I was able to do it for 2 months. But I want to do it for LIFE.
Here we go again. This needs to stick. God help me.
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey Suekie- I just wanted to offer my support, as it sounds like you've had your fill.
I think it's great that you recognize how much alcohol can add to existing problems. It always has. I also think it's great that you've decided to take some action and correct things.
From what I understand, "fatty liver" (steatosis) is a reversible condition, so I'm pretty sure if you did in fact stop your alcohol intake, then you might see some benefits- however that's something you'll need to address with your doctor.
I can see that you've been around here in the past as well, so you already know the benefits of spending some time here. Hopefully you'll get the support you need to move forward, and I hope to see you around.
Lusher
I think it's great that you recognize how much alcohol can add to existing problems. It always has. I also think it's great that you've decided to take some action and correct things.
From what I understand, "fatty liver" (steatosis) is a reversible condition, so I'm pretty sure if you did in fact stop your alcohol intake, then you might see some benefits- however that's something you'll need to address with your doctor.
I can see that you've been around here in the past as well, so you already know the benefits of spending some time here. Hopefully you'll get the support you need to move forward, and I hope to see you around.
Lusher
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Don't give up! As long as u have breath u still have a chance. I can so relate to your post, except I did get fired and am now working on dui # 2. Also have alcoholic neuropathy .Still kept drinking though to forget about all the wreckage my drinking had caused. Well that was a joke! I finally could not take the mental and spiritual breakdown of my soul anymore. Only 14 days clean but one day at a time I'm going to make it...I want it need it desperately. You sound like your desperate, which is a good thing it could well be the fire u need to burn the beast (alcohol) up! Stay on sr read and post no matter how irrelevant it may seem. I use my post as sort of a journal when I feel that eye of the tiger fading. I also take a photo of myself everyday in the same spot , sort of a photo diary. Its helping I can see change already and its only been 14 days. I keep them in my cell and look at them a couple times a day. And although u need to dig down inside yourself to get the courage to fight this battle you will need support. However u get it doesn't matter, whatever works for u is what counts.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
You've got a lot going on. You will handle it all so much better if you are sober. Drinking just draws those difficult things out and makes them harder to overcome. Hang in there and stay with us.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
hi Suekie, and welcome back. Yes, you've had one heck of a ride but the good news is that you realize that alcohol adds nothing positive at all to the mix. As the wise ones always say, there is absolutely nothing that alcohol can not make worse.
One thing I post on here a lot about (only because it helped me) is the importance of really trying hard not to snowball things. As alcoholics, we love to throw everything and the kitchen sink into one, big, messy, unsolvable pile and then say, "See, how can I not drink with all this going on?" Or "How can I stop drinking with all this going on?" Same side of the same coin. I'm not saying that's what you're doing but I know I sure did it for many years. I learned on here and in AA and therapy how valuable it is to tackle one thing at a time, if only mentally at first. Plus, another good little soundbite: you can't solve the problem from the same place it was created.
If you're getting your depression straightened out, that will help a lot. Also, as far as your fatty liver, as Lusher said above, it is reversible if you stop drinking. I also had that diagnosis at your age and, two years later, my liver is completely back to normal again. Key thing, however, is not drinking anymore and getting your body as many nutrients as it needs to heal.
You'll need support so figure out what that is going to look like for you (a plan) and then take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. As I am sure you remember from last year, once you get some weeks in between you and your last drink, things begin to look up. Just take it one thing and one day at a time. Keep posting here.
So glad you're back and you can do this. We're here for you 150%!!
One thing I post on here a lot about (only because it helped me) is the importance of really trying hard not to snowball things. As alcoholics, we love to throw everything and the kitchen sink into one, big, messy, unsolvable pile and then say, "See, how can I not drink with all this going on?" Or "How can I stop drinking with all this going on?" Same side of the same coin. I'm not saying that's what you're doing but I know I sure did it for many years. I learned on here and in AA and therapy how valuable it is to tackle one thing at a time, if only mentally at first. Plus, another good little soundbite: you can't solve the problem from the same place it was created.
If you're getting your depression straightened out, that will help a lot. Also, as far as your fatty liver, as Lusher said above, it is reversible if you stop drinking. I also had that diagnosis at your age and, two years later, my liver is completely back to normal again. Key thing, however, is not drinking anymore and getting your body as many nutrients as it needs to heal.
You'll need support so figure out what that is going to look like for you (a plan) and then take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. As I am sure you remember from last year, once you get some weeks in between you and your last drink, things begin to look up. Just take it one thing and one day at a time. Keep posting here.
So glad you're back and you can do this. We're here for you 150%!!
Sober from 11/19/13-1/18/14
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 177
Thank you all. Day 1 has been a breeze, but it always is. I can't wait to cash in on all that sobriety has to offer. I just have to be patient... when day 61 came around last January I was still expecting to wake up and feel magical and perfect everyday. Realistic expectations are key. I will struggle. I will go through the holiday season sober (again). I picked a right fine time to do this.
I love this community. Thanks again for the support! This time I will prevail!
I love this community. Thanks again for the support! This time I will prevail!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
I'm really glad you're back. I started lurking around this time last year & remember you. I read with great interest & followed your story. I'm sorry that you've been struggling but thankful you came back home. We saved your seat.
Sober from 11/19/13-1/18/14
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 177
Originally Posted by HeartsAfire 
I'm really glad you're back. I started lurking around this time last year & remember you. I read with great interest & followed your story. I'm sorry that you've been struggling but thankful you came back home. We saved your seat.
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