What do I say to my 11 year old?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 10
What do I say to my 11 year old?
I'm one month sober and I want to tell my 11 year old son. He has seen me drunk a few times (2 or 3) and probably knows and thinks more than I think he does. I have told him I have stopped drinking because it is not good for me. My wife and I feel compelled to tell him more. What else does he need to know?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
In my opinion, he needs to 'see' the changes in you, not be told about them.
Let him see your recovery, how you are changing and how you are being a better Dad to him.
Congratulations on 1 month sober.
Let him see your recovery, how you are changing and how you are being a better Dad to him.
Congratulations on 1 month sober.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
You could always take him out for an activity day and stop for a snack and ask him if he has any questions or comments for you. Ask him how he thinks you're doing as a dad, and tell him you want to be the best dad you can be.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 101
Great question, as I have an eleven year old myself and he has seen me at my worse. I agree with demonstrating through actions and if they have question be honest with them. Kids are so smart and know so much through our behaviors. I want my children to know me as a sober parent and not a drunk mother. My kids are my motivation!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I agree with the above. When you're a little further along in your recovery, maybe in a year or two, you could have a longer chat with him about alcoholism. 12 or so is when a lot of kids wind up experimenting with a drink (getting into friends' parents' liquor cabinet, etc.), and it's good for him to understand that alcohol can be very dangerous, and also that there is sometimes an inherited tendency to acquire that problem. Not to scare him, but rather to let him know that if he ever feels like it's a problem, he can turn to you or to others for help.
My kids never saw their dad drink (sober 35 years in AA). They did see me do it, but since they lived with their dad they didn't have as much exposure to my drinking (mine developed later in life and the alcoholic drinking developed over ten years or so). They both think our going to AA is "kinda weird" but my older son went to the meeting where I got my 5-year chip, and it meant a lot to me. I think they are proud of me even if they don't understand it a whole lot.
Their dad has helped a couple of their friends who got into trouble with drinking, and they respect that, too.
Congrats on your sober time!
My kids never saw their dad drink (sober 35 years in AA). They did see me do it, but since they lived with their dad they didn't have as much exposure to my drinking (mine developed later in life and the alcoholic drinking developed over ten years or so). They both think our going to AA is "kinda weird" but my older son went to the meeting where I got my 5-year chip, and it meant a lot to me. I think they are proud of me even if they don't understand it a whole lot.
Their dad has helped a couple of their friends who got into trouble with drinking, and they respect that, too.
Congrats on your sober time!
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
I have told him I have stopped drinking because it is not good for me.
Probably good enough for now. Seems we sometimes want to overtell or oversell. Just relax and stay sober. Later on, if your son experiments with alcohol, you might want to share your experience. Or even earlier when you are having a "talk". I would leave it be for now.
Probably good enough for now. Seems we sometimes want to overtell or oversell. Just relax and stay sober. Later on, if your son experiments with alcohol, you might want to share your experience. Or even earlier when you are having a "talk". I would leave it be for now.
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