rollercoaster ride is making me sick
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
rollercoaster ride is making me sick
Well my A is back on the straight and narrow again. Tender hearted, level headed, and kind. AHHHHHH!
I went to therapy yesterday. Told my therapist about the shoving and name calling. She is his therapist too. I told her I was buying time. I am getting angry at him. I am getting so frustrated because not only am I dealing with the alcoholism but the dysfunctional jealousy and controlling behavior too. I went out to dinnner with him last night. Told my daughters that I was going, they asked if they could come, I said "no, dad and I need to talk". One of them asked me if we were going to talk about a divorcement (he he)... but not so funny...it made me sad. I asked her how she felt about it. She said she doesn't want us to. She loves him very much. He is not her Bio dad and it took her a long time to warm up to him, but now she is very much in love. I'm still going to make my plans. I'm still going to detach. I'm just sick of all the ups and downs. I cannot function this way, I cannot thrive. In fact, it literally makes me nauseous with all the I love you, I hate you, I love you I hate you. My therapist says just to take it one day at a time...I hate that, but I know it's true.
I went to therapy yesterday. Told my therapist about the shoving and name calling. She is his therapist too. I told her I was buying time. I am getting angry at him. I am getting so frustrated because not only am I dealing with the alcoholism but the dysfunctional jealousy and controlling behavior too. I went out to dinnner with him last night. Told my daughters that I was going, they asked if they could come, I said "no, dad and I need to talk". One of them asked me if we were going to talk about a divorcement (he he)... but not so funny...it made me sad. I asked her how she felt about it. She said she doesn't want us to. She loves him very much. He is not her Bio dad and it took her a long time to warm up to him, but now she is very much in love. I'm still going to make my plans. I'm still going to detach. I'm just sick of all the ups and downs. I cannot function this way, I cannot thrive. In fact, it literally makes me nauseous with all the I love you, I hate you, I love you I hate you. My therapist says just to take it one day at a time...I hate that, but I know it's true.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
The kids can still love him, from a safe distance.
There are some excellent books out there to explain alcoholism to kids--that the parent is sick and can't be the kind of parent he would probably like to be. Kids tend to blame themselves about family problems, so a little reassurance and explanation can only help.
My own kids loved my second husband, who often was like a big kid himself--he'd play with them and do "adventure" things with them and make them laugh. They were sad when I left him, but today they still speak fondly of him (though they understand why I left). This was like 17 years ago, so they are adults and we don't see him. Still, I'm happy they have good memories of him.
There are some excellent books out there to explain alcoholism to kids--that the parent is sick and can't be the kind of parent he would probably like to be. Kids tend to blame themselves about family problems, so a little reassurance and explanation can only help.
My own kids loved my second husband, who often was like a big kid himself--he'd play with them and do "adventure" things with them and make them laugh. They were sad when I left him, but today they still speak fondly of him (though they understand why I left). This was like 17 years ago, so they are adults and we don't see him. Still, I'm happy they have good memories of him.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
FTS- Its not easy either way, today or next year. I understand the misery you are living in. I just moved on from my 34 year relationship. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. My eah is still drinking and doing drugs.
Now that I am on my own, I have sad moments, but it is SO much better then what it was with him. I lived in hxll with him for the last 2 years. But i did survive the divorce and the house sale. I purchased a little town home and I am doing ok. You need to take you time and get yourself in order. Only then will you have the strength to do what you need to do for YOU.
Good luck and there is a peaceful life out there for you!!
Now that I am on my own, I have sad moments, but it is SO much better then what it was with him. I lived in hxll with him for the last 2 years. But i did survive the divorce and the house sale. I purchased a little town home and I am doing ok. You need to take you time and get yourself in order. Only then will you have the strength to do what you need to do for YOU.
Good luck and there is a peaceful life out there for you!!
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