irshfn

I'm not sure what I am doing from minute to minute much less day to day. I posted my first message yesterday in the newcomer section. I want to thank all who responded. Sometimes when I go to Al-Anon meetings I can't talk so it helps to have this to vent and still get someone elses strength, hope and expierence. My ex is out using and has been for the last 2 months. I realized today at a meeting that I shouldn't expect anything from him and I need to be expecting things from myself. His using has nothing to do with me and I know that. My sponser tells me to quit worrying about him-it's in God's hands. Okay I can live with that-I even accept that but it doesn't mean I don't love him or care what happens. My father had cancer and I knew there was nothing I could do but it didn't mean I wasn't worried or concerned for him. I vented a little about my sponser in my first post where she told me to distance myself from my ex. (To be honest I don't know if he is my ex-he moved out after 5 years so he could use again-it sounds like he did me a favor). Everyone else has shut the door on him and I'm not willing to do that. It doesn't mean that I'm willing to give up the work I am doing in Al-Anon. To me it says I care about you but I won't allow it in my home and I won't enable you. I want to be a support to him when he finds AA again. Is it so wrong to have someone there when you start to crawl out of the hole? If I am there for emotional support (without buying into all his B.S.) just by listening does that inhibit his recovery? I want to make sure I am doing the right thing for him and for me.
I really appreciate having SR and all the comments. Thanks.

Gabe

Hey irshfn,
Love him and care what happens to him. That is all good. Just don't wrap yourself up in what is going on with him at the moment. He's out of your hands and in God's.
Should he decide to find recovery, supporting him is a great thing.
You are doing just fine, and trying to find a balance with all this.
Keep up the good work.
Gabe

Teggie

Detach from the disease, not those good parts of him you love. Just don't give up YOU in the process, keep the focus on you. Keep up with alanon meetings, keep checking and posting here. Don't give up your fight to reclaim yourself. Your gonna be ok in the long run as long as you keep trying. Hang in there...Teggie

Mich

Welcome to SR...there is soooooooo much to learn, KEEP READING!