Thatdeliveryguy

I've hung around the forums enough to watch many of our dear friends lose this battle, Ncog and others will be missed. Such good people, so funny, so caring, just like you and I humans with an addiction that want to get better.

My most recent relapse, I think about these things, I think about the consequences my lost friends, those that lost the battle. I don't want to lose, I don't want anyone to lose, it saddens me. Why do we drink ourselves to death, how do we find a future and succeed.

I am truly blessed to be alive today, I know many of you feel this way too. Why me I think? Why do I get another chance, many of my friends here were far better than I, funnier, kinder, more kind hearted, more talented, and this @#$# habit took them from the world. Why does it have to be so, been on SR for 11 months now, and seen so much success and so much sadness.

I am writing this because if you're reading this you're still here and so am I. What value does just being here have, I suppose it has as much value as the lives we're living. Our brethren, posted on these very forums asked for help, offered help, made us laugh and made us cry, offered up their story, many won, some lost, but all should be remembered.

I am trying to contemplate all these realities going forward, I want to learn from those that are no longer with us, grow from those that are still sober and are, and mostly quit drinking.

I know I am about to violate the TOS, don't care. One night, NCOG talked me off the edge kept me sober and made me smile, a ray of hope. Hope is all I wanted that night, and he gave it to me.

Anyways, melancholy mood tonight, learning from the past, the present, and looking towards the future, drawing from every situation, 5 people I've lost that were close to me or made a connection in my life to alcohol. RIP my friends, hope you're looking down on us all and provide us with the answer to this most insidious habit. If you like, tell the story of someone you lost to this habit, and what they meant and the lessons they taught.

Good day, contemplative and thinking about what I want, where I should be, where I want to be, and how to get there tonight. Looking to learn from my past, the stories of others, and mostly looking for answers and wanting to learn from those that came before me.

Soberwolf

Well said friend

it is sad we lose people but we can do em proud by being sober

Good to see such a post Jeremy well done bud

Impurrfect

TDG - I get what you're talking about. I survived addiction and recovery, though lost my XABF#3 (yeah, slow learner) AND my stepmother to addiction. She died just a little over a year ago.

I've been on SR for about 7 years, lurked a couple of years before that. I've seen people come and go (I'm a codependent, too, so there are people there that I've seen come and go).

I've seen mothers, fathers, children and spouses lose someone they love to addiction.

Why me? To be honest, why NOT me? Why not you?

We can't predict who will make or who won't. All we can do is the best we can do. If we make it? We can be there for others who are struggling.

I had 7 years clean when I found my stepmom dead on the floor from an accidental OD. She was using the very drugs I had abused. I did CPR on her (I used to be a nurse, but lost that career to addiction). I knew it was futile, but I tried.

Why did I survive and she died? Why did I have to be the one that found her?

I don't know. What I do know is that my recovery is more important to me than anything else in this world. I couldn't get through to her, but I can relate to many others.

My purpose in life is not to save everyone. My purpose is to make the best of MY life and share that gift with others. Some will get it, some won't. I do the best I can, and let the rest go knowing that HP will take care of them when I can't.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Ultramarathoner

Seems like an introspective day Jeremy!

Have you given any thought of the legacy you'd like to leave here?

colagirl

Thanks for this thread. I lost a good friend I met on here too and ask myself the same questions. I think of her every day and like to think that I am sober for both of us.

Briar

I watched my dad die from this disease many years ago. I know he would be devastated to see me to see me struggling with it myself. I hope to learn from what happened to him and honor his memory with my own recovery.

Dee74

Every year the list of people I've known here who pass on gets longer.

I have no idea why I'm still here and they're not - I see those as questions best posed for God, not me...

but I do know I try and honour them and their memory by living a good life, doing good things where I can, and being the best I can be.

Anything less would be a travesty really.

D

VikingGF

So easily could be us. I think that every day. And keep on going.

Thatdeliveryguy

Dee, so well spoken, I think we should honor them, its so sad to see people come and go. This site is so inspirational, but also so telling in that this habit kills.

MythOfSisyphus

Honor them by getting sober and living a better life. That's all we can do, TDG.

JanieJ

It is very sad how many people are lost to this affliction.

Friends of mine are going downhill all around me, it will be their funerals I will be attending, gone before their time.

We are alive though, and perhaps that's for a reason.

I had a friend die a few years ago, of a pulminary embolism. She was 46. I was holding her hand in A and E, just before she died she said "Help me".

As long as I live I will never forget that moment. I was helpless in the face of death. It is much more powerful than I am.

I'm just glad to be alive, so grateful to still be here. Gratitude has made my life worthwhile. I hope to inspire some, help some, whatever the universe/God/life has in store for me, I am happy to serve.

Every day is a blessing.

EndGameNYC

When I deny what I am and what I need to do make my life meaningful, then I am living either a fully destructive fantasy or someone else's life. And this is not limited to those who struggle with alcohol. By virtue of this fact, I have very little to say about how my life unfolds, and I invite disappointment, heartache and tragedy. It's a form of spiritual suicide.

I've provided for myself ample evidence that denying who and what I am is much easier, though much more deadly, than it is to accept my personal reality. Though no one could possibly survive living in this world without fear, when fear becomes my default condition and when it contaminates my motives and determines my actions, then I am not only lost, but erased from any meaningful participation in my own life.

Dee74

Thinking of those we lost reminded me of this song:



Yeah Jeremy I think it's very important we honour them, not just in words but in actions too.

D