Different kinds of alcoholic?
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Different kinds of alcoholic?
Is it possible that there are different kinds of alcoholics? Or perhaps we can say, different ways that alcoholism progresses?
(I googled this first and the results were all about the "five kinds" but the differences were demographic and that's not what I mean.)
There are at least two distinct types I see on this forum, anyway …
--The initial binge drinker who emphasizes their inability to stop once they have started as a main symptom of their alcoholism. This person maybe only had a problem with binging for years, but the binges got longer and they started drinking to cure the hangover and they ended up drinking daily in that way.
--The initial moderate-ish daily drinker who emphasizes their inability to NOT have those drinks when they get home at the end of the day and their inability to not want to drink no matter the occasion as main symptoms of their alcoholism. This person maybe didn’t get out of control that often at first, but they were drinking nearly every day. Then the daily drinks increased in amount until they were losing control sometimes.
I ask because I do not relate as much to the first path. Pretty much since I started drinking initially, I’ve wanted it as often as possible, and in large quantities, but not in such large quantities that I can honestly claim that having one drink meant I would black out and end up in jail. It is more like, If I have one drink, you can bet I’ll have at least seven or eight (and I am a smallish female), or else end up passed off that something prevented that from happening and obsessing over how to get more, and I may end up blacked out and hitting people or peeing in parking lots (but not usually) and based on circumstances I can reasonably predict what the outcome will be; i.e. if I’m at home and it’s Tuesday, I’ll probably only drink enough to get drunk, fight with my boyfriend over nothing, pass out, and be hungover, not enough to do anything riotous, whereas going to a bar with friends probably meant I would black out, drive completely wasted, say stupid ass things to lots of people, and want to die the next day.
I guess the actual point of my post is: I don’t have to relate to everything everyone says to be an alcoholic, right? And specifically, I don’t have to relate to the “when I drink, I inevitably end up drinking the ocean,” type of thing, right? I don’t know. I mean. I really thought I’d cracked the code and decided I’m an alcoholic, but this still niggles at me because I feel like THAT statement is so key and central for so many people, and yet I sit there relating to like 90 percent of what I hear, just not THAT part.
Also the fact that I have somewhere to post this question with a reasonable expectation that someone at least will answer is awesome. This website is awesome.
(I googled this first and the results were all about the "five kinds" but the differences were demographic and that's not what I mean.)
There are at least two distinct types I see on this forum, anyway …
--The initial binge drinker who emphasizes their inability to stop once they have started as a main symptom of their alcoholism. This person maybe only had a problem with binging for years, but the binges got longer and they started drinking to cure the hangover and they ended up drinking daily in that way.
--The initial moderate-ish daily drinker who emphasizes their inability to NOT have those drinks when they get home at the end of the day and their inability to not want to drink no matter the occasion as main symptoms of their alcoholism. This person maybe didn’t get out of control that often at first, but they were drinking nearly every day. Then the daily drinks increased in amount until they were losing control sometimes.
I ask because I do not relate as much to the first path. Pretty much since I started drinking initially, I’ve wanted it as often as possible, and in large quantities, but not in such large quantities that I can honestly claim that having one drink meant I would black out and end up in jail. It is more like, If I have one drink, you can bet I’ll have at least seven or eight (and I am a smallish female), or else end up passed off that something prevented that from happening and obsessing over how to get more, and I may end up blacked out and hitting people or peeing in parking lots (but not usually) and based on circumstances I can reasonably predict what the outcome will be; i.e. if I’m at home and it’s Tuesday, I’ll probably only drink enough to get drunk, fight with my boyfriend over nothing, pass out, and be hungover, not enough to do anything riotous, whereas going to a bar with friends probably meant I would black out, drive completely wasted, say stupid ass things to lots of people, and want to die the next day.
I guess the actual point of my post is: I don’t have to relate to everything everyone says to be an alcoholic, right? And specifically, I don’t have to relate to the “when I drink, I inevitably end up drinking the ocean,” type of thing, right? I don’t know. I mean. I really thought I’d cracked the code and decided I’m an alcoholic, but this still niggles at me because I feel like THAT statement is so key and central for so many people, and yet I sit there relating to like 90 percent of what I hear, just not THAT part.
Also the fact that I have somewhere to post this question with a reasonable expectation that someone at least will answer is awesome. This website is awesome.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
All I know is that if we are alcoholic none of us can drink in safety.
WE Alcoholics seem to have analysis paralysis when it comes to drinking and trying to bend definitions to suit the situations we encounter in the beginning. I understand because I did my share also, nothing seem to work except total abstaining.
BE WELL
All I know is that if we are alcoholic none of us can drink in safety.
WE Alcoholics seem to have analysis paralysis when it comes to drinking and trying to bend definitions to suit the situations we encounter in the beginning. I understand because I did my share also, nothing seem to work except total abstaining.
BE WELL
I will NOT drink to that!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Baltimore MD USA
Posts: 634
For me, I have a hard time admitting to myself or out loud that I am an alcoholic. I went from someone who had 5 drinks in their entire lifetime to someone who was drinking & getting drunk daily for almost 6 years straight (only 1 year was I completely sober & that is when I was pregnant & during maternity leave). In my mind I am OK with saying that I was abusing alcohol but admitting that alcoholic part was/is very hard for me.
Being on this site I have decided to accept the term alcoholic. I have a problem...point blank period. I can call it whatever I want....but in the end it's alcoholism for me. What I need to work on is not attaching so much shame to my sobriety. No one really knows how bad I have been abusing alcohol - not my mom, sister, brother, or father. Only my husband & me, but my husband is an alcoholic too.
I try not to look into types of drinkers or labels too much, mainly for my sanity. When I start looking too much into labels & types, it starts depressing me & I fall back into my alcohol cycle.
Being on this site I have decided to accept the term alcoholic. I have a problem...point blank period. I can call it whatever I want....but in the end it's alcoholism for me. What I need to work on is not attaching so much shame to my sobriety. No one really knows how bad I have been abusing alcohol - not my mom, sister, brother, or father. Only my husband & me, but my husband is an alcoholic too.
I try not to look into types of drinkers or labels too much, mainly for my sanity. When I start looking too much into labels & types, it starts depressing me & I fall back into my alcohol cycle.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by helpimalive 
I guess the actual point of my post is: I don’t have to relate to everything everyone says to be an alcoholic, right?
Don't get too caught up in labels, or trying to categorize yourself in the many-layered world that is alcoholism and addiction.
You have a problem with alcohol. If you can't quit despite your desire to, that's a problem.
Keep it simple.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,707
if you pee out in the steet you could end up waking up in a police cell and charged with an offence, if you fight with your boyfriend the police can come and arrest you and again you will end up in a cell being charged with assult or something like it
there are lots of people who dont think there as bad as that simply because they didnt get caught out when they did things wrong
others are not so lucky and end up paying the full price of there drinking
i to am like you when i hear of drinkers who dont seem to misbehave or who havent lost there familys or kids or wives ? how on earth did they manage to stop drinking and still keep hold of so much ?
the answer is of course they gave up drink before it got that bad
why it is that some give in the moment they do something bad enough or the moment there really going to lose there familys is anyones guess many in aa believe a god saved them from losing it all but it doesnt answer why god would save some and not all in my own head
so i guess the answer is there are different types of alcoholics same as there are different types of cancer
you can get cancer all over the body but its still cancer and the chances are that so long as there not in the vital organs then you have a much better chance of living should you be unlucky enough to have the more deadly forms of cancer then the chances are very slim
so it would make sense that alcoholism is the same way for some its black out drinking and all the problems it causes, which will progress to daily drinking
there are the wine drinkers who may end up drinking a bottle of wine each night but not end up drunk but they still need that drink and they dont misbehave etc
i do not identify with that type of drinker but they still have a problem with it that much is for sure
all we say in aa is if drink is costing you more than money then there is a problem
there are lots of people who dont think there as bad as that simply because they didnt get caught out when they did things wrong
others are not so lucky and end up paying the full price of there drinking
i to am like you when i hear of drinkers who dont seem to misbehave or who havent lost there familys or kids or wives ? how on earth did they manage to stop drinking and still keep hold of so much ?
the answer is of course they gave up drink before it got that bad
why it is that some give in the moment they do something bad enough or the moment there really going to lose there familys is anyones guess many in aa believe a god saved them from losing it all but it doesnt answer why god would save some and not all in my own head
so i guess the answer is there are different types of alcoholics same as there are different types of cancer
you can get cancer all over the body but its still cancer and the chances are that so long as there not in the vital organs then you have a much better chance of living should you be unlucky enough to have the more deadly forms of cancer then the chances are very slim
so it would make sense that alcoholism is the same way for some its black out drinking and all the problems it causes, which will progress to daily drinking
there are the wine drinkers who may end up drinking a bottle of wine each night but not end up drunk but they still need that drink and they dont misbehave etc
i do not identify with that type of drinker but they still have a problem with it that much is for sure
all we say in aa is if drink is costing you more than money then there is a problem
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
We are all different in the way we drank cause we are people. Some spiral quickly, some do not. After 30 years of drinking this last time I quit, no really negative symptoms or withdrawal. I never had these.
I also would skip days drinking sometimes, though that did become less rare - sometimes would only have 3-4 beers ( more convincing myself I did not have a problem) and never boozed during morning.
I have learned from others not to overthink everything starting out. Sure, I did the same thing you're doing - google everything. Seeing if it was me.....etc.
If ole fly was talking to new fly just after quitting I would tell him this:
Knowledge is great, and gives you something to do. But, just slow down - don't drink and start you're sober journey. Go to meetings and LISTEN FOR SIMILARITES not differences.
Whatever labels we toss around, if drinking is reducing your quality of life, keeping you ******** in your growth as a productive, vibrant person - then what does it matter???
Take your time and just digest all you can for 60 days or so. I finally learned I could not let the same brain that told me it was ok to drink convince me to stop~
Finally, I read this from one of our elders here on SR last couple days. I will never forget it. It relates to AA - " The person who walked in that door will drink again."
Took me asking what the heck that meant??? You're probably smarter than me
peace on you journey,
Glad you post! Helps others.....
Flyn
I also would skip days drinking sometimes, though that did become less rare - sometimes would only have 3-4 beers ( more convincing myself I did not have a problem) and never boozed during morning.
I have learned from others not to overthink everything starting out. Sure, I did the same thing you're doing - google everything. Seeing if it was me.....etc.
If ole fly was talking to new fly just after quitting I would tell him this:
Knowledge is great, and gives you something to do. But, just slow down - don't drink and start you're sober journey. Go to meetings and LISTEN FOR SIMILARITES not differences.
Whatever labels we toss around, if drinking is reducing your quality of life, keeping you ******** in your growth as a productive, vibrant person - then what does it matter???
Take your time and just digest all you can for 60 days or so. I finally learned I could not let the same brain that told me it was ok to drink convince me to stop~
Finally, I read this from one of our elders here on SR last couple days. I will never forget it. It relates to AA - " The person who walked in that door will drink again."
Took me asking what the heck that meant??? You're probably smarter than me
peace on you journey,
Glad you post! Helps others.....
Flyn
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Originally Posted by desypete
there are lots of people who dont think there as bad as that simply because they didnt get caught out when they did things wrong
I just think my biggest problem is the way I WANT to drink EVERY DAY to get DRUNK, and the way I can’t stop thinking about drinking when I’m not doing it.
Rather than thinking my biggest problem is—what’s the phrase from the Big Book?—“what happens to you when you drink”, or something? It’s more about my relationship with alchol in general, and less about some allergic-like reaction I have when I take a first drink. The first drink is always going to happen to me unless I have help, and THAT is my problem. And it seems like there are those who don’t say that alcoholism.
It makes me afraid it’s just a lack of willpower and depression or something, which would mean the solutions I’m tentatively looking into and kind of already liking a whole lot are illusions for me and I'm lying to myself when I read here and go to these meetings and find myself doing so much terrified nodding.
That’s why I ask …
But I'm thinking the answers seems to be "Shut up and do the thing," so, ima shut up and keep trying to do the thing I guess.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I sat through my first hundred or so AA meetings (in 1991) listening to people tell their stories and thinking, I never did THAT. I'm not that bad. Maybe I'm not an alcoholic.
21 years later I had done most of THAT, and I don't want to do the rest of THAT.
I have noticed there are 2 groups of people who have beat this insipid addiction and are now happily sober:
A) People whose drinking led to some horrific tragedy. They lost their jobs, or their family, or they got arrested, or they injured someone, or they injured themselves, or some combination of those things. They had a gigantic life jolt that woke them up to the reality of their situation.
B) People who have realized that one or more of those awful things are going to happen to them if they do not figure out how to get on in life without the booze.
I am grateful to be in group B.
You can do this.
21 years later I had done most of THAT, and I don't want to do the rest of THAT.
I have noticed there are 2 groups of people who have beat this insipid addiction and are now happily sober:
A) People whose drinking led to some horrific tragedy. They lost their jobs, or their family, or they got arrested, or they injured someone, or they injured themselves, or some combination of those things. They had a gigantic life jolt that woke them up to the reality of their situation.
B) People who have realized that one or more of those awful things are going to happen to them if they do not figure out how to get on in life without the booze.
I am grateful to be in group B.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,707
i can only recount to you my own experience of how i ended up not drinking 24 / 7 from being a 24 /7 drinker with all the past destruction etc
after i had lost it all ie prisons, kid in social services care, all my money gone, no home left
i ended up in a flat that was given to me by a charity organization trying to help me out with a place to live
i was under order to leave the place as i had done nothing at all about my drinking
so i was going to be out on the streets
i kept on drinking and telling myself i will try to stop tomorrow i eneded up drinking so much on my last drink that i couldnt sober up for 4 days,
i would be throwing up in buckets just to get another drink inside me
how did this change, i woke up after 4 days and had a bit more of a clear mind, in my heart i just knew i couldnt carry on like this anymore
the drink hadnt worked to get rid of my pain anymore so i went to aa
those guys took care of me and helped me more than i can ever repay them
its not easy having no money and people buy you food for you as even though i had nothing i was still a proud man
they cleaned my flat up with me they gave me things to do daily so i could try to do them instead of running off to pick up a drink
they took me around meetings for the first couple of weeks until i was a lot more clear in my head and then they let me go
i had to make my own way from there on in, i knew were the meetings were, if i wanted it i had to go and get it myself
and thats what i did, i practiced the things i was told or suggested i should do and it worked
the question of me being powerless never came up in the early days as i had more than enough to deal with in just not picking up that first drink and getting myself around the meetings thats all my focus had to be and the days sober started to mount up along to with a new way of starting to think
that of course was 10 years ago and i dont have to do anything like that anymore to stay sober for today, its got so easy now and the more i know the more i find out the more i am learning just how powerless i was and really am
after i had lost it all ie prisons, kid in social services care, all my money gone, no home left
i ended up in a flat that was given to me by a charity organization trying to help me out with a place to live
i was under order to leave the place as i had done nothing at all about my drinking
so i was going to be out on the streets
i kept on drinking and telling myself i will try to stop tomorrow i eneded up drinking so much on my last drink that i couldnt sober up for 4 days,
i would be throwing up in buckets just to get another drink inside me
how did this change, i woke up after 4 days and had a bit more of a clear mind, in my heart i just knew i couldnt carry on like this anymore
the drink hadnt worked to get rid of my pain anymore so i went to aa
those guys took care of me and helped me more than i can ever repay them
its not easy having no money and people buy you food for you as even though i had nothing i was still a proud man
they cleaned my flat up with me they gave me things to do daily so i could try to do them instead of running off to pick up a drink
they took me around meetings for the first couple of weeks until i was a lot more clear in my head and then they let me go
i had to make my own way from there on in, i knew were the meetings were, if i wanted it i had to go and get it myself
and thats what i did, i practiced the things i was told or suggested i should do and it worked
the question of me being powerless never came up in the early days as i had more than enough to deal with in just not picking up that first drink and getting myself around the meetings thats all my focus had to be and the days sober started to mount up along to with a new way of starting to think
that of course was 10 years ago and i dont have to do anything like that anymore to stay sober for today, its got so easy now and the more i know the more i find out the more i am learning just how powerless i was and really am
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello: The best thing about this website is that it has taught me that alcoholics cannot be compared. If it is a problem for you no matter how simple it may be to others, then it is a problem.
Labels don't matter. What matters is how you want your life to be and how you make it happen. Another great thing about this site is that all opinions are welcome. You can take what you like and discard what you don't.
Labels don't matter. What matters is how you want your life to be and how you make it happen. Another great thing about this site is that all opinions are welcome. You can take what you like and discard what you don't.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by helpimalive
I just think my biggest problem is the way I WANT to drink EVERY DAY to get DRUNK, and the way I can’t stop thinking about drinking when I’m not doing it.
Willpower cannot remove the desire for alcohol. That has to be starved out, and it takes months.
Where willpower (or resolve, or commitment, or whatever you want to call it) comes in is in your actions. I didn't resolve to stop wanting to drink. I resolved to stop drinking.
That desire to drink is just a thought, and I have many in a day I do not act upon. I want to punch my boss in the head, but I don't. I want to see if my co-workers breasts are real, but I don't. I want to run idiot commuters on my way home off the road, but I don't. I want to drink, but I don't.
Thoughts of drinking can't hurt you. Don't give them more power than they deserve.
You can ABSOLUTELY do this.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
I agree that it probably doesn't matter, but I know what you mean. It seems like there are different drinking patterns...maybe frequency vs. amount? For example, there have been many times when I've stopped drinking because I know I've had more than enough and may say or do something embarassing. But I've never wanted to skip a day!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I'm sure glad you're here, help.
When I read the Big Book of AA about the 4 general types of alcoholics that it identifies, I see myself as somewhere between types 3 and 4, for what it's worth.
I don't think that your trying to figure out precisely you fit on a scale of alcoholism is a good expenditure of time, except to the extent that it may help you arrive at the conclusion that you need help for your drinking issues.
I only mention this, because you are actively soliciting our advice.
I saw a lot of myself in your original post on this thread.
I hope that grab onto and seize whatever program of recovery that you select, because it sounds like your continued drinking would be a path toward destruction.
The fact that you are on this forum is a pretty good indication that you think trying to recover your life from what alcohol has done to you is a good idea.
Keep us posted as to your progress.
Late stage drinking is certainly no fun.
My life, since I got sober, has been infinitely better than the garbage lifestyle that I was imprisoned in for so many years.
When I read the Big Book of AA about the 4 general types of alcoholics that it identifies, I see myself as somewhere between types 3 and 4, for what it's worth.
I don't think that your trying to figure out precisely you fit on a scale of alcoholism is a good expenditure of time, except to the extent that it may help you arrive at the conclusion that you need help for your drinking issues.
I only mention this, because you are actively soliciting our advice.
I saw a lot of myself in your original post on this thread.
I hope that grab onto and seize whatever program of recovery that you select, because it sounds like your continued drinking would be a path toward destruction.
The fact that you are on this forum is a pretty good indication that you think trying to recover your life from what alcohol has done to you is a good idea.
Keep us posted as to your progress.
Late stage drinking is certainly no fun.
My life, since I got sober, has been infinitely better than the garbage lifestyle that I was imprisoned in for so many years.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I fall into non's category A. As for the OP, I'm neither of those. I was definitely hooked straight out of the gate. But somehow I managed to get by until something happened.
help, I think you are over analyzing this - way too much. Or you may still be looking for an angle. I don't know. But it comes down to acceptance. Once we accept that drinking is not in our best interest it is time to do something about it. Call it surrender or one of the myriad of other terms/phrases. Whatever, it just doesn't matter. I know I can never drink again. I KNOW THIS. The only way for me to go forward in life is to not dwell on it, rationalize it or try to make an excuse for it. Alcohol is in my past. I must accept it and believe it. Then I must continue my life the best I can without it. It is no longer an option. Do whatever it takes to get through the difficulty learning how to live without it. In time it will become second nature. A part of living sober. The cravings, the desire, the missing it will be a thing of the past. It takes some time, for some more than others. But eventually you will wake up one day and not even think about it. Those days are the days to look forward to. Because then all you have to worry about is living life. Being sober will be the same as going to the bathroom. It's just something you do now without thinking about it.
help, I think you are over analyzing this - way too much. Or you may still be looking for an angle. I don't know. But it comes down to acceptance. Once we accept that drinking is not in our best interest it is time to do something about it. Call it surrender or one of the myriad of other terms/phrases. Whatever, it just doesn't matter. I know I can never drink again. I KNOW THIS. The only way for me to go forward in life is to not dwell on it, rationalize it or try to make an excuse for it. Alcohol is in my past. I must accept it and believe it. Then I must continue my life the best I can without it. It is no longer an option. Do whatever it takes to get through the difficulty learning how to live without it. In time it will become second nature. A part of living sober. The cravings, the desire, the missing it will be a thing of the past. It takes some time, for some more than others. But eventually you will wake up one day and not even think about it. Those days are the days to look forward to. Because then all you have to worry about is living life. Being sober will be the same as going to the bathroom. It's just something you do now without thinking about it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: US
Posts: 84
All I know is what my sponsor told me when I was having trouble relating to situations in the rooms, saying "I haven't done that yet!". She said that "yet" is an acronym for "You're Eligible Too". I haven't forgotten that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 37
I also can't relate to some things but I can relate to a lot... I'm a young Chica who hits the couch at 5pm with my remote and something stiff. Every night. I never drink in the morning, I hold a steady job, i work out, I have a degree... Blah blah. It doesn't seem like I'm an alcoholic. But deep down I know, and that's why I'm here. This morning I noticed I'm not shaking nearly as much as I have for the past year. And that confirms in my mind, this is the right road. Please keep coming back, post all you want! We are all here for each other, because this journey is a challenging one. I hope you stick around
Ps. Day 3 for me
Ps. Day 3 for me
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Originally Posted by LBrain
help, I think you are over analyzing this - way too much. Or you may still be looking for an angle. I don't know. But it comes down to acceptance. Once we accept that drinking is not in our best interest it is time to do something about it. Call it surrender or one of the myriad of other terms/phrases. Whatever, it just doesn't matter. I know I can never drink again. I KNOW THIS. The only way for me to go forward in life is to not dwell on it, rationalize it or try to make an excuse for it. Alcohol is in my past. I must accept it and believe it.
But I have always been one to over analyze so it's very easy to believe that's what I'm doing here.
Although these responses have helped. Now I have stuff to look at if my brain does decide to try and use this as an "angle." I mean that's the plan anyway.
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