killerinstinct

Woke up this morning to suddenly realise that I've wasted so much freaking time and energy on the ex alcoholic... How did I realise this finally.. Well I was about to buy a book on alcoholism and then thought no I should be reading up on codependency more now not alcoholism and not waste another second on what the alcoholics about but put time into my greatest weapon against alcoholism ruining the rest of my life and my sons by equipping myself with the tools I need to overcome the very things he does that bring me down!!!!! I've wasted so much time I'm
Such an idiot.. Sure there will be days when I am
Seriously up and down about him but it's not like he's out there day and night researching what human species I am no, he's out there parting having lots of sex and drinking heaps of booze and living life in the fast lane not even recalling who am I or what I was to him while I'm standing around like a loser in la la land putting energy into him. I feel so ******* angry at my self I feel so pathetic for wasting energy on him.. Thinking about the A has drained my life force. It really has what a waste of my life.

hopeful4

Don't see it that way. To me, it's a learning experience. We all move forward, and many times just do a rinse and repeat of the same thing over and over. This knowledge, both about the alcoholic, and about yourself, breaks that chain. Don't forget that.

XXX

mischa1

Love and Hugs to you my friend!!!!!!! 1 day at a time. It will get better. It will get better. The pain will pass. I will be better. He will not change. I say these things to myself all day everyday. I'm still missing him and still running some circles in my brain but everyday I feel I might be just a little bit better. At least I am having more moments where I feel ok. Still not really eating much or sleeping well but overall i seem to be making it. Ugh.

Shellcrusher

Yep. 1 day at a time.

Side note: One of the best books I've read is in fact the Big Blue Book for AA. On many levels it helped reduce the resentments I've held which caused the anger which has been killing me every day.

I've ready Melody's book, Codependent no More. While it was a good read, it didn't hold a candle compared to the Big Blue.

There's other great books that I can relate with. Courage to Change. Paths to Recovery. One Day at a time. Hope for Today. They're all about my struggles so I'm able to educate me about me.