Briar

It seems like there have been a lot of posts lately about people dealing with major changes. The hope is that these changes, while difficult, can rearrange one's life for the better and pave the way for recovery.

I myself am averse to change. It scares me. I will put up with uncomfortable situations because I'm afraid the alternative may be worse, and I won't know how to navigate it. It's codependence, I've known that for a long time, but knowing it hasn't done much to help me cope with change.

I think, in hindsight, I've largely misunderstood what it means to change my life of my own volition. Whatever the challenge, be it relationships, jobs, obligations, drinking, my tendency has always been to attempt to change my thinking around the thing, not the thing itself. I try to adapt because I'm afraid to push back.

My poor therapist worked with me for a year and a half as I refused to change my life to accommodate recovery and instead tried to change my mind about drinking. I had a milion reasons why I couldn't go to meetings with my tight schedule and somewhat public job, but ultimately I realized I had to change what was going on outside before I could change the inside.

I continue to struggle with this as I try to address my triggers. I don't like to make changes to my life, especially if they require the participation of others. I hate to feel burdensome. But I've tried for years to change myself to accommodate the world around me, and I'm coming to see that I have to require it to accommodate me as well. There must be a balance.

Dee74

I'm still not great with change either Briar, but I know now it won't kill me and I can handle it.

Sometimes it's even for the better

Just take things at your own speed, and use us for support

D

Soberwolf

Read this Briar Looking at Mirror - Moral Stories - Moral Story

Briar

Thanks Soberwolf, that's a great metaphor.

ArtFriend

Change is scary because you cannot predict the outcome. So your comfort zone becomes not doing anything. I struggle with this as well, but as I get older, I am less afraid to assert myself. Once you start doing it, you find that people do respond to you and your needs and you can "stake your place" in the universe. Does that make sense?

Briar

Thanks, ArtFriend, it makes perfect sense. I'm beginning to understand what it means to stake my place. And not that it's just a luxury, but a necessity if I want to recover.

ArtFriend

Absolutely!!! There is a saying I like: "If you don't stand up for yourself, you'll fall for anything". I think it is critical to have a core sense of self to work from when the "winds of fate" bat you around. I too am working on achieving this. Years of ignoring my needs (sublimating them really) and drinking away the pain of that has left me with a "hole" in my soul. Need to repair that with self-worth.