jagger2012

I've had so many of these and gets so tiring, but here I am, back and fighting. I've just purchased several self help books that deal directly with alcohol abuse and am going to start reading today. I have a weird problem, I can go months, even years without a drink, and my life is amazing and I feel so strong that I'm lured back thinking I can control it this time, and I may for a day, but the next day I might be off for a 2-3 day bender and wind up feeling like I do right now...LIKE HELL!

Please help, how do I go about making a permanent life change...

Ghostlight1

Hello,
I had hundreds of day ones, too. Tried everything, solemn oaths, pouring it out and AA. Still I drank.
But AA put a bug in my head- here were people sharing the same affliction and recovering from alcoholism.
Slowly I stopped going to meetings and soon I was back to drinking. But I felt guilty. That guilt was with me as I lay in bed quivering with anxiety, fear and remorse after another binge.
Reading about alcoholism may help, but the face to face meetings of AA really helped me.

I also come here and read posts like yours to know what it's still like out there.
I also keep in mind how I felt after a drunk. It was a living nightmare.
I was a bad drunk. A serious drinker. I've managed to not drink for three years ten months now. Thanks mostly to this site.
Just keep in mind you never have to drink and you never have to have another hangover.
You can do it, and best to you.

jagger2012

thanks ghost...i have been to numerous meetings and never really seemed to connect with anyone, probably why i always end up back out there. I may try it again, but for now, having this forum is comforting. Congrats on 3 years ten months...I put together 3 years from 2008 to 2011 and I remember how super I felt after a few weeks and continued to get better...I want that back in my life, I just have to remember what hard work i put in and what went wrong that eventually led me back to the drink. Thanks again for your reply...reading it helped to pull me out of my shell.

Fly N Buy

I have heard others speak of replaying the tape in their heads before picking up a drink after some sobriety. The why of quitting to begin with.

I am only at day 148, but this indeed works for me.

Heard another who has gone through experiences similar to yours comment about relapse: I had in the back of my mind that quitting really wasn't forever. Someday, I would drink again!

That friend is now 10 years sober after some re starts. I agree with this - we had to admit to our inner most selves we were alcoholics. Once that line is crossed there is no going back.....


Glad you're posting!
Fly

tonib

Im back at day one myself... i thought after a few months of sobriety i could drink responsibility... no shot in hell... like u said the first day i only had one, didn't drink for two days after that relapse, then i had a few more an got wasted. Didn't drink for a day after that the got wasted again... all it takes is one drink... im learning that myself.

jagger2012

thanks fly, yeah, I'm def an alcoholic but its been hard to "convince" myself of this reality because I have never been a daily drinker. Strange how we are usually the last one to see what everyone else does about our OWN SELVES! I'm thankful today, I still have my family, the woman I love, a beautiful daughter, a home, a career...so much to be thankful for and that is what I choose to think on today as opposed to the havoc of the past. Remember yes, but not focus. . .Thank you

I am crossing that line. . .and I am not going back!

IOAA2

Hi.
In general we can read every alcohol self help book there is and not get sobriety in our life until we practice what we read. A friend calls it application. AA is a simple program for complicated people which works when we work it. The same goes for the good suggestions we see on this site. Knowledge and doing = healthy results, doing it our way usually does not because it has not so far.

BE WELL

Judas

I feel that self-help books on alcoholism can be a great resource, but in my experience it's best to not casually read them. Instead, you should treat them like they're a university textbook, and take notes, and go back and often re-read the notes so they remain fresh in your head. Unless you do this to ensure you actually apply the knowledge contained within the book, it will probably fade away quickly after finishing. This is what's worked for me, anyway.

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, jagger.

Yes, it is very hard to admit/accept you are an alcoholic but once we make that admission or reach that acceptance (once and for all and finally), it can all start to fall into place (into permanency) we are on our way to a better life.

Fly N Buy

When I told my wife I was quitting and would go to meetings, I said - I am concerned everyone will know I am a drunk.

She smiled and laughed a little - honey, they already know!

Good for you to recognize it's time to grow up and take that step into acceptance!!! Me too.....

fly

jagger2012

Its just so damn depressing to think about all the hard work in front of me. . .but the rear view mirror view makes it a definite necessity. I know in my heart I will lose all that I hold dear and love in this world if I don't quit completely...knowing this scares hell out of me.

razor15

In my short time here, I'm starting to realize and see all the wonderful benefits of being sober. It is a long list. I think we need to see these things for ourselves, by changing habits and taking advantage of all the opportunities that life presents us. Drinking for years and years is a merry-go-round that accelerates out of control. It is a waste.
Let's figure this out!

JanieJ

Hi Jagger, yeah, I had an awful lot of days ones myself. An awful lot. And a lot of moderation trials as well. Finally realised that if I drink, I get ill, get stupid, continue to waste my life etc etc...

I know how scared you are ,that was me three weeks ago !! My first post here was mostly about being scared !

I'm still scared !

But I don't have the option to drink, because I am an alcoholic. I'm only 20 days sober, but once I accepted that, with the help of these good people, it's making it a lot easier.

MavisTheFairy13

Well done on coming back and posting. Next time you get the urge to drink post and get support. That's what helps me

jagger2012

thank you and I plan to make use of this wonderful tool we all have here...Thanks

jagger2012

Well, half way through the day here and feeling a little better. Had a good lunch with my fiancé and a good talk, trying to take it easy on myself. Have always been soooo hard on myself, not a good thing. . .Thanks for this day!

Soberwolf

Good luck Jagger

Dee74

for me, making that change permanent meant I needed to make a lot of changes in my life Jagger.

What other changes have you made besides not drinking?
how much support do you have?
do you use it?


D

jagger2012

I really don't know how much support I have, I mean my immediate family is 100% behind me but, other than this site and some suggested reading not much as of now. I think I'm going to seek a private counselor as I tend to do better with 1 on 1. I feel like I definitely need someone to be accountable to.

Hevyn

Jagger, I think the idea of a counselor is a great one. Good that you haven't given up - we know you can do this and have a new life. I drank 30 yrs. and finally got it right. You will too.