soberbrah

Start drinking, sometimes socially at first, sometimes right into the full blown alcoholic drinking by myself. These benders usually last between 3-8 days. I crash and burn mentally. Complete and utter depression for 3-5 days sober. Force myself into a meeting... Keep it up for some period of time. I don't share because I have public speaking anxiety etc... But I still go to meetings because at a time where I'm so down n out, I do know that if I go to a meeting I most likely won't drink that day. Start feeling a lot better eventually, get in healthy lifestyle. I feel like I'm not getting anything out of the meetings other than getting my juices runnin thinking about booze from the stories. End up just white knuckling on my own for anywhere from 3 weeks to three months and either get bored, lonely, or depressed. Literally do not know what to do, and that bottle gets so tempting. Rinse, repeat

Stevie1

So, what do you think you can do differerently, going forward?

ScottFromWI

If meetings work, perhaps you could find a way to keep going? It also sounds as though you haven't accepted your problem. You aren't alone, I tried to fight it for quite some time and attempted moderation of every kind. I always ended up full blown drunk in a short time though. You can do it but you have to commit fully and accept the reality. If you do want to continue with AA you might want to find a sponsor too.

PurpleKnight

I needed to accept that this needs to be a permanent solution, abstinence does not cure me whether it's weeks or months!!

"on my own" is the issue, alone with my own thoughts in isolation would always end one way, with me drinking, I was addicting to alcohol, my mind would therefore grind me down in a matter of weeks.

Daily support was key for me, even just logging into SR and reading threads, meetings are also an option, something to short circuit your own through processes and prevent your mind convincing you to drink!!

You can do this!!

Soberwolf

I done it alone tried Aa went to a group therapy with mostly court orders i went volentry i also got in touch with the local NHS cdat (community drug & alcohol team) in my area and i also spoke to an alcohol street team that help alcoholics in london

as soon as i realised i was alcoholic i knew being sober was the only choice

its acceptance

SR helps me Massivly i was ok on my own but im glad i found SR

forabetterlife

Soberbrah.. My pattern has been similar and I know it seems like an endless cycle. I'm at 2 weeks this time around so I'm hardly an expert, but It helps me to think of that first drink that is the problem, not the ones following. In other words, as long as we don't take that first drink, we aren't repeating the cycle. Sounds simple and so much easier said than done but I think it all goes back to one day at a time and accepting that it will never end differently if we choose to drink. It also sounds like meetings are helpful for you so Maybe try to attend even more.. Especially when you feel those feelings coming on.

Lusher

Hey soberbrah-
Have you tried to make any lifestyle changes to help you with this? Perhaps fitness, or some other activities to try and fill up some of the down time?

It's what helped me in a big way. I feel that it's important that you try and reinvent yourself. I don't think merely stopping booze, yet changing nothing else, will offer a very good chance for success, but that's just me. I was unable to just sit idly at home, pondering on if I wanted to have a drink. I had to get out there and do something different.

Dee74

good to see you again brah

if these are the things that lead you back to drinking...do something about them - find other ways to deal with them - healthy ways.

if your only coping tool is alcohol, you're gonna use it...

Find more tools - any ideas?

D

instant

I think recognising the cycle is important. The next is accepting that things will never change with respect to what happens if alcohol is in your life. The next part is having a strategy to deal with 'yourself' at the varous parts of the cycle that are amenable to change. Rinse and repeat

sillysuzanfree

Soberbrah,

I did something similar to this from 2008-2012. I recognized I had a problem in 2008, announced to all and then for the next 4 years it was brief periods of sobriety followed by benders that lasted from 3-10 days. I would get sober for anywhere from 10 days to 2 months (one time) and then there was always a reason to go to the store and pick up a couple of bottles of wine. During the sober times I would also "pop in" into meetings and rarely share. During my 2 months of sobriety (following a DUI) was the only time I actually started connecting in AA. The good news is the cycle finally ended in May of 2012. I think once we realize we have a problem and start trying to do something about it we have a good chance of achieving long term sobriety. You're on the right track with the meetings...have you asked anyone there for help??

awuh1

"Come all the way in, and sit all the way down".

That's the old AA saying that came to mind when I read your post.

In order to break a pattern you need to do something different.

Try this (warning.. you won't like these suggestions). Go to meetings regularly, at least 2 or 3 times a week. In week one, share one sentence in each meeting. Something like, "thank you everyone for helping me to stay sober". That's all. Just one sentence in each meeting for the first week. Then two sentences (or more) each meeting for the second week... and so on.

Next, get sponsor and work the steps. IF you find yourself white knuckling, then call your sponsor everyday for about a week, if only to tell him whether or not you are white knuckling that day.

I certainly cannot guarantee that all this will work. However, if you do drink again, you can at least say that you tried something different.

JanieJ

I'm no expert either, but this time, I know something has got to change. For me, it is acceptance, and I've accepted I need to stay sober, and am working out how what I can do the maintain that and the changes that I need to make in my life.

You recognise your cycle, and that's a huge step.

I think going to AA and just saying "thank you" first time round is a great idea. Exactly what I did, first time there.

heath480

Perhaps it is time to accept that you cannot pick up the first drink?

If you don't drink the days you go to meetings,go every day.Also meetings are not the AA programme,the 12 steps are.Find yourself a sponsor.

Without a doubt you need to change what you are doing now,it isn't working.