dcrr

So I am wondering if anyone can relate to this. You stop drinking and eventually life has its way of rewarding you and something good happens to you. For example you get a promotion at work, you ace a test or win a trip to a tropical island. And then, in spite of it all, you feel guilty. As if you don't deserve it. As if the effort you have put forward to make your life right is meaningless because of all the harm you did when you drank. I feel like this right now...it sounds crazy doesn't it? It's some kind of weird twisted guilt/remorse that is preventing me from enjoying myself.

Jsober

Yes I can relate. I have those thoughts and feelings too. They are not true, but they still exist. It's as if I was a drunk for a period so I am not worthy of what non drunks receive. It is crazy- because the past is the past. You deserve all the positives you receive now because you work for them and you are sober.

awuh1

dcrr, The AA program is certainly not a cure all, but there's a lot of wisdom in it. It addresses exactly what you are referring to, and has a specific solution for it.

afloatsober

Makes sense to me dcrr.
After a lifetime of treating myself like a piece of scum, putting myself through mental and physical hell I simply lost the ability and will to care for myself.
It has been a struggle for me in sobriety to make restitution to ME.
Don't deserve good things, good people, good fortune......
This is simply not true.
Sober today I try to celebrate and have gratitude for the good things that have inevitably come.
To nurture Gary a bit after all those years of trying to destroy him.
G

sprout50

The past is exactly that-the past. People who are not alcoholics don't have to work at staying sober. We alcoholics, do. If you put that hard work in and something good comes of it-you deserve it! If getting sober meant that we had to walk around in sack cloth doing mea culpas for the rest of our lives, what would be the point of getting sober? Forgive yourself and enjoy your sober life.

Nowsthetime

Hello: you deserve everything you get. Positive or negative. I am a believer that you make you own bed and lay on it, kind of karma if you will so if you put good in, you will get good out. What happened in the past affect the present but it doesn't mandate of. These feelings are normal but I assure you your AV will try to take advantage of them so beware. You are doing great, sobriety is a journey and dealing with feelings without booze is something we have to learn. We are always here for support and you deserve all the good that is coming your way. YOU made it happen!!!

FeelingGreat

The best amends is to stay sober. All the remorse in the world will count for nothing if you drink.

Congratulations on whatever it was; I hope there's more to come.

foolsgold66

I've yet to find a way to change the past and I have felt as you do. If there are wrongs you can right, make effort to do so. If there are apologies deserved, make them. Otherwise, move on and do more right things. These feelings will fade.

PurpleKnight

I definitely had to make peace with my past, it was done, it happened and I couldn't change any of it!!

The more time that passes, as we build a new life, our old life will fade further into the past, the feelings won't be as intense over the things we did, and life will be replaced by a new chapter that we can be proud of!!

least

At first, I felt that way too. It took me a while before I could forgive myself and believe that I deserved good things in life. I also saw a counselor, which helped me get to that point.

freshstart57

Give yourself a fresh start as a necessary requirement for sobriety. Right past wrongs, make apologies where you can, and then get on with it. Just leave it in a pile, along with your past drinking habits, your past drinking urges, your past drinking thoughts. All that stuff has the same stink.

A fresh start is what I made, what it says on the label.

Fly N Buy

That's because alcoholics are crazy = me~!

I have learned from others here and elsewhere that whether good or bad things happen treat them closely in the same manner. Balance

Had a friend I expressed some joy to in unfound $$$ recently. It was needed and I was thrilled.....

He smiled and said - this too shall pass!
Enjoy the victories much with the same moderation of emotion as the defeats is what I attempt. But don't think your not deserving - blessings will come your way!

Now, that said I have hit a 20 million dollar lotto

peace

Nonsensical

Good and bad things happen every day to people who deserve them or don't deserve them. There is a very random element in life. Enjoy the good times.