hokey

So I am now 2 months sober after a brief relapse in August (after 88 days sober) and I am realizing a big trigger for me and probably a bigger problem than just a trigger. My last relapse was after my oldest son was home for a visit. My youngest was just here for a week and I've really been struggling since he left. Normally, I am okay, no real urges to drink ... I work my program and am, for the most part, pretty content with where I'm at. But after a visit from one of the boys, I feel like a part of my heart is ripped out again when they leave. I go into a depressive tailspin and start to question "what's the friggin point?" It makes me want to drink at the problem because it seems too big to face. I think it's akin to abandonment ... or just feeling like my life isn't worth anything when they're not here. Like I'm not worth the fight. It's really hard, but I think acknowledging it is a good first step. Any other parents of grown children feel the same way?

Chiffon

Sadly, kids grow and leave home. They are only ever 'on loan' to us.
I have a 20 yr old son and 19 year old daughter, who got so fed up of my drinking, that they took themselves off, to live with their Dad. This was excruciatingly painful and to the delight of their Dad, who never forgot me for leaving him.

That was 5 years ago! I haven't seen them since.

Your kids come and go and that's wonderful

Perhaps time to fill the void of 'empty nest syndrome' with sharing your parenting experience and volunteer and a daycare centre? Just an thought

august19

Yes, definitely. I was a young widow who raised my son alone. We were very close - a great team. When he left for college, I was sadder than I've ever been in my life. My drinking really kicked in after that. Of course, that didn't help anything and probably drove a bigger wedge between us.

I'm hoping the longer I'm sober and he sees I'm a changed person, we'll get back what we once had.

Please hang out with friends, do volunteer work or start a new hobby. Try not to dwell on the past and be happy for the times you can spend with your boys.

SoberLife90

I don't have any children I am just a guy in my younger 20s...But I wanted to tell you that YOU ARE worth the fight. Drinking never solved any of our problems...it only masked the problem. You can do this! Persevere!