I told my 10 year last night
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Woodburn, OR
Posts: 422
I told my 10 year last night
Hi all,
My fiancé and I talked about telling my 10 year son that I was quitting drinking yesterday. I decided I wanted to for several reasons. That night at dinner I brought it up to my son like this, "So you know when we stop at the store in the evenings and weekends and I get wine? Then later I look really sleepy and sometimes ask you the same question twice and stuff? Well I decided I wanted a healthier lifestyle and I'm not going to do that anymore. What do you think?"
He beamed, "I didn't really mind just wish we could go more places." I said, "Me too, me too." And we smiled and laughed. For me this was a really huge and positive step.
I would love to hear your opinion or story on this subject. Happy sober Saturday to everyone!
My fiancé and I talked about telling my 10 year son that I was quitting drinking yesterday. I decided I wanted to for several reasons. That night at dinner I brought it up to my son like this, "So you know when we stop at the store in the evenings and weekends and I get wine? Then later I look really sleepy and sometimes ask you the same question twice and stuff? Well I decided I wanted a healthier lifestyle and I'm not going to do that anymore. What do you think?"
He beamed, "I didn't really mind just wish we could go more places." I said, "Me too, me too." And we smiled and laughed. For me this was a really huge and positive step.
I would love to hear your opinion or story on this subject. Happy sober Saturday to everyone!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
I think you have made a great decision to stop drinking.
I can only tell you my opinion.
I didn't say anything to anyone, just let people see the changes. I think there could possibly be a risk that your child will be upset if you relapse, but hopefully that won't happen.
I can only tell you my opinion.
I didn't say anything to anyone, just let people see the changes. I think there could possibly be a risk that your child will be upset if you relapse, but hopefully that won't happen.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Woodburn, OR
Posts: 422
Yikes, sorry about the thread title typo. It looks like I can't edit that part of the post.
Thanks guys!! It was really strange. I got this huge frog in my throat and felt like I was telling on myself. If that makes sense, haha.
Thanks guys!! It was really strange. I got this huge frog in my throat and felt like I was telling on myself. If that makes sense, haha.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
That is great. it is a huge blessing that he didn't seem to notice how impaired and non-engaged you must have been.
My kids were older when i started drinking seriously, and older when i quit. I thought because I drank in the daytime, while everybody else was at school or work, that I had them all fooled. When i told them that I was giving up drinking for good, they were unanimously thrilled! My secret drunkenness had apparently had a much bigger impact than I had realized.
My kids were older when i started drinking seriously, and older when i quit. I thought because I drank in the daytime, while everybody else was at school or work, that I had them all fooled. When i told them that I was giving up drinking for good, they were unanimously thrilled! My secret drunkenness had apparently had a much bigger impact than I had realized.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Woodburn, OR
Posts: 422
Anna, yeah, that for sure was and is a concern of mine and I thought hard about that. I've been really working hard towards this since June and feel like he was part of final steps. 
Cat Lady Extraordinaire
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: MN
Posts: 263
I have 4 kids, my younger 3 don't really understand but my 12 year old daughter knows, she was very mad at me for so long for drinking. She wouldn't talk to me for 5 days when I was in the hospital but we did have a really great talk and she knows I'm sick and am trying to get better and that I will be spending so much more time, and quality time at that with the kids. Kids know, even if you hadn't sat him down and told him what was going on, they know.
My kids tell me every morning, mom don't drink. That is a HUGE factor in me staying sober, I've missed out on so much of their lives, yeah the 3, 3 hour treatment sessions a week for 12 weeks is gonna suck but they know that once I get through this, they will have their mom back.
oh and I've already saved almost $200 in 8 days, I'm bringing my kids to the mall tonight, youngest ones to build a bear and oldest to her stores. I never could do that before because all our $ went to me drinking and smoking.
My kids tell me every morning, mom don't drink. That is a HUGE factor in me staying sober, I've missed out on so much of their lives, yeah the 3, 3 hour treatment sessions a week for 12 weeks is gonna suck but they know that once I get through this, they will have their mom back.
oh and I've already saved almost $200 in 8 days, I'm bringing my kids to the mall tonight, youngest ones to build a bear and oldest to her stores. I never could do that before because all our $ went to me drinking and smoking.
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey MissOverIt,
Sounds like there's no doubt that you're committed to this change. That's a huge move in the right direction. Congrats!
Personally, I think it's great that you shared this with your son, for a couple of reasons.
First, perhaps he'll learn from this and make smart decisions down the road, if / before they become a problem for him when he's older. He's only 10, but you never know.
Second, I'd almost take this as a promise of sorts, which might make you think twice should you consider having another glass of wine.
Again, congrats.
Sounds like there's no doubt that you're committed to this change. That's a huge move in the right direction. Congrats!
Personally, I think it's great that you shared this with your son, for a couple of reasons.
First, perhaps he'll learn from this and make smart decisions down the road, if / before they become a problem for him when he's older. He's only 10, but you never know.
Second, I'd almost take this as a promise of sorts, which might make you think twice should you consider having another glass of wine.
Again, congrats.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 551
Thanks for sharing your experience, MissOverIt! Your son sounds like a great kid! And congratulations on your decision--you won't ever regret it!
I told my boys, knowing that once I did, there was no "taking back" my decision to quit. They were 10 and 11 at that time. I approached it the same way you did--wanting a healthier lifestyle. They seemed happy, but my older son also appeared to be somewhat cautiously optimistic (I think he internalized a lot). I have no regrets in having had this conversation with them, but, as Anna said, the best gift is letting people see the changes for themselves. I know that life has improved immensely for my boys--they finally get the mom they deserve!
I told my boys, knowing that once I did, there was no "taking back" my decision to quit. They were 10 and 11 at that time. I approached it the same way you did--wanting a healthier lifestyle. They seemed happy, but my older son also appeared to be somewhat cautiously optimistic (I think he internalized a lot). I have no regrets in having had this conversation with them, but, as Anna said, the best gift is letting people see the changes for themselves. I know that life has improved immensely for my boys--they finally get the mom they deserve!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Woodburn, OR
Posts: 422
Super cute kid! Extremely funny and kind.
Yes, absolutely a promise. I could of said this same thing to him all the times I told myself but I suppose deep down I knew the odds were that I'd fail us both. Had to get sick of failing myself before I could even imagine putting him there. But trust me, my boozing failed him in other types of ways. Ugh.
Thanks everyone for the amazing support!!
Yes, absolutely a promise. I could of said this same thing to him all the times I told myself but I suppose deep down I knew the odds were that I'd fail us both. Had to get sick of failing myself before I could even imagine putting him there. But trust me, my boozing failed him in other types of ways. Ugh.
Thanks everyone for the amazing support!!
Last edited by MissOverIt; 10-24-2014 at 04:10 PM. Reason: Forgot to thank everyone.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
My kids were in their teens when I was drinking and then finally quit. They were delighted, but wary, as I'd 'quit' several times before. It took a while to earn back their trust, but now our relationships are better than ever.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
When I was about that age, I'd been sent to live with my aunt and uncle and cousins for a year. My parents were divorced and I seldom saw my dad.
I remember asking my older cousin how to spell alcoholic, so I could write my dad to ask him to stop being one.
I don't remember why I was writing that letter or if someone had told me he was an alcoholic.... But I remember a lot of drinking and I remember my dad not being there a lot.
And that stuff left wounds I am still dealing with.
You are doing a Very Good Thing.
I remember asking my older cousin how to spell alcoholic, so I could write my dad to ask him to stop being one.
I don't remember why I was writing that letter or if someone had told me he was an alcoholic.... But I remember a lot of drinking and I remember my dad not being there a lot.
And that stuff left wounds I am still dealing with.
You are doing a Very Good Thing.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
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