luvmygirls

I keep reading that in order to stay sober, it's important to do MORE than just stop drinking. As I consider the ups and downs of my recent attempts at sobriety, this is really starting to sink in.

Basically, my routine is the same: I go to work, I have a lot of responsibility, I come home, I do things for the kids and my husband, sit on my laptop with the TV in the background...basically lather, rinse, repeat day after day. My older son has special needs (autism and ADHD) and we are currently dealing with a lot of tics, including constantly clapping his hands, snapping his fingers, etc. As you can imagine, it can become quite draining.

I belong to a gym that I haven't been to in months (and even when I was going, I would just use the sauna and steam room because I wasn't motivated to actually work out...and it costs $125/month...nice huh?) I'm self conscious about my weight gain, because I used to be very fit but a combination of eating poorly, drinking, and not working out has changed all that, so I'm embarrassed to even go, plus I have no energy. I'm so lame.

I guess my question is, did anyone deal with this lack of motivation where you had a lot of responsibilities, and how did you overcome it? What specific lifestyle changes have helped you to stay sober?

P.S. It took me about 25 minutes to type this because I had to get homework set up, listen to violin practice, the doorbell keeps ringing, and my husband is traveling.

Anna

I'm glad you're recognizing that some changes are going to be necessary in order to continue your recovery.

The biggest thing for me was learning to say 'No'. Like you, I was caught up in work, two young teenagers, husband away a LOT and everything else. I had no time for myself, had completely lost any sense of who I was. It was so liberating to say 'No'. I said No to people I didn't really want to spend time with, I said No to activities I was only semi-interested in. It wasn't easy, but I knew I wouldn't make it unless I cut back.

I started walking (hour long walks) after supper which turned out to be beneficial in so many ways.

I changed jobs and began working less, and at something that I really loved.

Soberwolf

Among a lot of other things i had to accept a lot of things i had to change my friends set i had to start putting my sobriety before anything else in any given situation

i had to face up to what i had become and what i was going to do about it

I stopped DJing in clubs i started to change with the changes i was making if that makes sense

jryan19982

Yeah, I stopped hanging out at bars and going out a lot... I drive a different way home to avoid the place I would stop off at for a nightly sixer.

That also means not hanging around friends as much because most of them drink, but that was just at first. I now hang around them some but not as much...

livingnow

Basically, my routine is the same: I go to work, I have a lot of responsibility, I come home, I do things for the kids and my husband, sit on my laptop with the TV in the background...basically lather, rinse, repeat day after day..

Id alternate) the sit on the laptop every day with attending your gym for 45-1hr ( every other day)
Just start off light exercise if you have little energy-You will get re addicted to it.
There is no silver bullet .You must push thru a bit at first.(read - take it easy, build back up
You will appreciate the mental heath gained alone!!!!!

Findingtheway

I've had to allow myself to open up and find friends and support at AA.

Also I've learned I need to just focus on today.

And ask for help should I need it.

It's working so far.

Soberpotamus

I eventually started meditating regularly. Before that, I walked, ran, lifted weights and got generally active.

I adopted two beagles They are lovely and have added so much to my life!

I'm thinking about starting back yoga again too.

The key is balance... it can be hard to adopt a new habit or routine. I found that trying to make too many changes too soon will backfire. It worked best for me when I concentrated on one new change at a time.

fantail

Exercise really made all the difference for me last time and that's where I've been focusing this time as well. It increases my energy, gets rid of my stress, and generally just makes me happy. Not at first, but after a week or so I start to feel it.

I don't know if this applies for you but I find with exercise that I used to feel like I have to go HARD or not at all... like if I'm going to work out I have to do a full hour, sweat, do cardio and weights, etc. I've learned over time that that attitude just keeps me from working out at all. Allowing myself to go easy sometimes keeps me consistent, because I can say to myself, "Just do twenty minutes at a chill pace and if that's it, then go home." More often than not I end up wanting to stay once I've gotten started. But when I don't want to, I just leave, it's still better than nothing and I don't feel bad about it.

I do relate to being embarrassed at the gym, I gained a bunch of weight a few years ago and losing it was difficult. Have you thought about switching gyms? At that time I left my fancy everyone-is-ripped gym and switched to the Y, which had all the same equipment but way less attitude. I felt more comfortable there and the weight came off.

luvmygirls

The biggest thing for me was learning to say 'No'. Like you, I was caught up in work, two young teenagers, husband away a LOT and everything else. I had no time for myself, had completely lost any sense of who I was. It was so liberating to say 'No'. I said No to people I didn't really want to spend time with, I said No to activities I was only semi-interested in. It wasn't easy, but I knew I wouldn't make it unless I cut back.

I started walking (hour long walks) after supper which turned out to be beneficial in so many ways.

I changed jobs and began working less, and at something that I really loved.

Thank you, Anna! It seems like many people don't have a houseful of people and activities that they have to rebuild their lifestyle within, and around.

luvmygirls

Thanks fantail, this is good advice. And yes, I could probably get by with fewer hotties and more body acceptance. Ah, but my gym is just so clean and shiny, haha...

I don't know if this applies for you but I find with exercise that I used to feel like I have to go HARD or not at all... like if I'm going to work out I have to do a full hour, sweat, do cardio and weights, etc. I've learned over time that that attitude just keeps me from working out at all. Allowing myself to go easy sometimes keeps me consistent, because I can say to myself, "Just do twenty minutes at a chill pace and if that's it, then go home."

CAPTAINZING2000

Do you have a friend to work out with you ?

ru12

I did a lot of what the others have said. I ran. I walked. I volunteered more. I played with my dogs. I was present with my kids. I loved my wife. Mostly, I thought a lot less about me.

sickofthiscrap

I haven't changed my lifestyle radically, rather it is a matter of small changes over time. I eat less junk, don't hang out in bars, don't drink coca-cola anymore (which was my go-to drink when hungover). I read a lot more, and I sleep earlier. I take baths and spend more time on hobbies. These weren't things I consciously set about doing, they happened naturally.

For me, I didn't want to throw too many new things into the mix in early sobriety and upset the apple cart. Trying out a bunch of new things and have it not go to plan or add to stress could be a trigger. I just wanted to focus on not drinking. But YMMV.

luvmygirls

Do you have a friend to work out with you ?

I do have friends I could work out with. My best friend, who I used to run with all the time, tried to get me out to the trail for the longest time. The problem? I can't keep up anymore, and I used to run circles around her. She looks awesome. I look like hell.

I have some other friends who I could consider starting working out with. My husband sometimes gives me a guilt trip about leaving, but I may be able to work around that.

SoberComposer

I started working out at-least once a week for about an hour. For me that's been a critical element in this recovery. I also started working on preparing for some music projects again. It's something that I love doing but have to feel good to do. In the past, songs would come by when I went through periods of feeling great, which was pretty rare because I drank before getting into music. So now looking forward to giving myself a chance to really build and get to where I want to be.

I think things that are an investment for the future are great ideas!

silentrun

OK I'm the lazy one of the bunch. I drank alone at night in front of the computer usually. Now I sit on the computer (but not as much) on SR. I was just thinking today that not one single thing in my life has changed but I feel like I have an entirely different life. Same job, same hubby, same kid, same dog, same bank account etc.
My perception has changed. I used to hate myself and my life. Now I think it's pretty great just the way it is. Maybe not what this thread was about.

bunnezjp

Same here, back to working out after a 2 year hiatus. Really focusing on me, therapy, AA, new job, new coping skills.

Gurl, for $125/month, make us proud!! J/K, but that must be some gym...

Bunnez

Becky13

My problem is that I still have two young kids and a husband that is not home because of work and travel, so I can't leave the house in the evenings.

I began going to the library and getting books about gardening, camping, knitting, cookbooks, etc. Basically all the new things I wanted to take up in sobriety.

I also got yoga DVDs from the library that I can do at home. And movies that I always meant to watch, but never had time. I watch those sometimes when the kids are in bed.

Anna's advice is great too. Just take it easy on yourself and simplify your life. Some days when I feel like an unmotivated lump, I just think, "Well, I'm not drinking, and that is going to have to be good enough for today. At least I'm doing that."

The gym is tough to get to for me. I take the kids for walks and bike rides, and do things outside. At least it gets me outside and keeps me moving.

Ruby2

Hi, I gave up my gym membership because I didn't want to pay a sitter every time I went. My kids are 9 and 6 so I can't leave them home while I go out.

It is a challenge. My husband works nights and goes to bed at six p.m. so essentially I am alone. He gets home after I leave in the morning to drop kids at school. So, I get kids ready for bed, get them ready for school in the morning. Make lunches etc. I work full time so I'm pretty busy.

What did I do to change? I started with AA meetings. I started reading and posting on here. I made plans that didn't involve alcohol for weekends. I started texting or calling people I met in AA. I established contacts with some SR people through private messaging if I just needed to "talk" without going to the entire forum. And no matter what I just soldiered on through the urges with the thought that not drinking wouldn't kill me but drinking might.

If you enjoy working out, try going that route. You need time for you so don't let your husband guilt you into not going.

hokey

I didn't change many things about my routine, just the people that I hang out with ... instead of hanging out with my drinking buddies, I hang out with my sober friends. Since I was a daily drinker, I figured I owed it to myself and my sobriety to attend meetings when I would normally be drinking ... so I go every evening. Not for everyone, but it works for me. Other than that, my daily routine of work, caring for my various animals (dog, cats, fish and horses), and taking care of my home has not changed. The big changes are inside ... the way that I think about things (and myself!) and the way I prioritize my life ... sobriety is first because without it, nothing else matters.