Briar

I had a good, productive day at work and a really nice evening with my daughter. We read a bunch of books, watched a fun show, played will-this-sink-or-float?, and had a huge tickle war. We had leftovers, so I didn't have to cook. Everyone was in a good mood. Things couldn't be better, but in the back of my mind I was constantly thinking how much I wanted to drink. Over and over like a record. It's frustrating when it won't leave me alone and just let me enjoy the good things in my life, things I know are better than drinking. It pollutes everything. I really lean on AVRT and mindfulness during times like these, and it helps, but I resent having to do all that in the first place. I have a good life, I'm really the only part of it that doesn't fit right.

Dee74

Think about it tho - if you're like me, you drank for years....and like me you probably have this default setting that says drinking makes good things even better...

It's gonna take a little while for you to change that mental tape.

Try and be patient - it will happen...in the meantime enjoy those moments with your daughter...be 'in' them as much as you can...that's where mindfulness is a particularly great idea

D

desypete

you highlight to me why i need new comers so bad in my life, if i didnt have new comers around me who are still in the thick of it all and suffering etc i could not get the feeling of how much better off i really am in life without drinking

if i was alone without that source of input i dont think i could ever find peace and acceptance of my condition

my mind would always be thinking of what i am missing out on, for some reason my mind can not focus on what the drink cost me or where i ended up unless i am around other aa memebers where its impossiable for me to forget
indeed this site helps me as well as i recount what the drink did to me over and over again and it helps keep it all fresh in my mind

i end up being so very grateful i am still sober even though my life isnt wonderful and at times i am in pain but i certainly know just how bad it would be should i ever drink again

its been 10 years since i last had a drink and its a long time away from it and its also so very easy for me to forget all the damage drink caused me last time
but thankfully because i am around the rooms of aa and meeting lots of new comers as well then my mind can never forget the damage

if i cut it out though then i run the risk of forgetting and that to me is were the danger is

by the way it doesnt mean i can not just live a normal life or i have to be always thinking about what the drink did to me every min of the day as its not like that at all its just i need to keep the feeling of gratitude in my life for what i do have and not what i dont have

Resolv

Hello Briar. Yin & Yang. Good and bad go together. They're inseparable. Look on the bright side, years of experience on this forum agree that things get better as recovery progresses.

As far as not fitting right into a good life, I'm sure your daughter and many others wholeheartedly disagree.

If your recovery is anything like mine, give it a few hours and everything will look different.

Be well. We're all pulling for you.

IOAA2

Hi.

"I have a good life, I'm really the only part of it that doesn't fit right."


Hi.
I think you fit OK and the fit gets better with time if we let it. Try to recall the remember whens the fit was horrible ant the fact that if we don’t pick up the first drink we won’t have to try to get sober AGAIN.

In the beginning something that helped me a lot was to think of non drinking things when drinking popped into my head.

BE WELL

sprout50

I think you fit just fine. You are just not used to it yet. When those thoughts of drinking slip in, take it slow, breathe and know they will pass. As you adjust to a sober life, those tthoughts will be less and less.

PurpleKnight

Habits are hard to break, having a drink every evening after work was something I did for years, and for a long time that was what I thought about well into Sobriety!!

It's gonna take time to relearn your thought processes!! Hang in there!!

Soberwolf

Its going to take time friend

biminiblue

^This. Very good thing to remember - emotions sometimes turn on a dime. I have to turn my thoughts purposely to happy things and gratitude often - sometimes I just forget and start thinking in my old negative ways. I keep working and it keeps getting better.

Anna

Briar, it won't always be like that. Each day you get through will make things a little better and eventually those cravings will leave you. Hang in there!

Lusher

Hey Briar, I just wanted to throw out some more support.

I feel the frustration myself, as I too think about how much fun 'XYZ' would be if I could have some drinks, but it's never just "some."

Quote:

but I resent having to do all that in the first place.

Ditto! But knowing that things will turn south very quickly should I (try) and have just a drink or two, I'll opt for a bit of resentment. As I've said several times before, it's just the price that I have to pay for having this problem.

Hang in there!

Aellyce

I felt exactly the same way in the ~3 first months of my sobriety, nearly on a daily basis. Cravings coming and going constantly, some very intense and distracting, others milder. Often it was very hard, I felt desperate and lost at how long this would keep happening. If you do feel that you are doing the things that you want to do in your life, keep going... these urges WILL lessen both in frequency and intensity. They will, guaranteed!

What really helped me was introducing new things, and lots of physical activity (walking, running). Get out of the house. Maybe figure out something new you can do with your family, and try! Sounds like you are on a good track; again, keep going!

Briar

Thanks for all your wisdom and support. Today has been particularly hard. The cravings started early this morning and have only gotten worse. I'm off work in half an hour and I'm terrified to go home and deal with all the household stuff I have to do. None of it is hard, but it overwhelms me. I feel so trapped. I can't believe I have to feel this way and not drink. I can't believe I feel this way over basically nothing.

ru12

Take one sober breath at a time Briar. You can do this.

Hevyn

Briar, I felt that way for awhile - but those restless feelings ended. My new life began to outshine the old one - it was such a blessing to be free. In the beginning we're still a bit sorry for ourselves. It will get better.

Weatherman77

Hi Briar, this may sound trite, but one thing that's helped me is to just own the drinking feeling. I realized that it was my default (for a decade) to pretty much every emotion. Going out with friends? How come I can't drink to celebrate and enjoy myself? Horrible day at work? How come I can't drink to unwind? Quiet day at home? How come I can't relax with a drink and a book/TV? I found it helps to put things in perspective. Activities, emotions, all were secondary to the booze.

EndGameNYC

Hi Briar.

I suffered through a good ten months of near-constant cravings. I even actively collaborated with my cravings, making solid plans for drinking...where I'd buy it, what I'd buy, where and when I'd drink it, how I'd feel while drinking it, how I'd hide it, what I'd say and do were I to get caught, and that I'd drink again the very next day or night, whichever came first. It was brutal. But all of us know what's even more brutal and, in your words, "pollutes everything."

Suziequeue

I feel kind of like you Briar, but in the back of my mind is the constant thought that I can't drink and I'm tired of listening to it also. I keep recognizing though all the physical changes that are starting to happen (it's day 22 for me today) and am hopeful, no, I KNOW that those nagging things in the back of my mind - and yes, including a little resentment - will go away with time. Poisoning my mind and my body, feeling so terrible about myself and going into depression - hating myself, praying and wishing that I'd stop - I don't want all that back in full force again - I want to keep rolling forward - so let's do this together Briar - let's ROLL!

pupkin

Briar, whatever our problems are in life, they're still OUR problems, no matter how epic or mundane they might seem--don't beat yourself up for feeling overwhelmed by whatever yours are. That's one you don't need to add to the pile.

As for the central problem we all share here, I agree with everybody else. The complete preoccupation with the thought of drinking does fade with time. I get flare-ups for sure, but the time in between gets longer and longer. Keep doing what you're doing. . . .

Meraviglioso

Hi Briar, you are definitely not alone. I feel the same way. It does get better with time, I have faith in that. The cravings lesson in intensity and frequency and when they do come you are used to them and can get past them more easily.
Good for you for coming on here and posting, use this resource as much as you can. I'll be thinking of you today.