1 month and counting... my new diary thread
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Montreal
Posts: 135
1 month and counting... my new diary thread
My SR People what's uuuuuupp?
1 month sober TODAY! This is, by far, my personnal record of the past 10 years or so... Tried to stop SO MANY TIMES before but couldn't do much more then 4-5 days... then the withdrawal symptoms where unbearable...
What's the difference this time? THIS BOARD (checking-in and reading your stories evryday) I know I used to participate a little more, but I'm still here everyday... AND.... also the fact that this time, I take this much more seriously!!
SO, 1 month... here's my little resume:
First 4 days, withdrawal symptoms of shaking, shivering and sweating... but I felt strong to hold-on this time... almost no sleep for 3 days! lol!
First weekend WAS HELL ON EARTH for me, wanted a drink SO BAD, I cried many times (I cry all the time! lol!)
Second week was OK, insomnia and night sweats all week, but feeling better between my 2 ears, felt like I was going strong...
Second weekend: HELL AGAIN! but realise a lot of things about myself and I was starting to see my old self coming back slowly... I was laughing more, had amazing times with my kids and realising I was 100% there with them gave me so much strenght...
3rd week: felt in amazing shift in my metabolism... energy levels where through the roof even if I was still having troubles with sleeping (or falling asleep should I say) At the gym, i was on FIRE!! 3hrs + unstopable workouts! crazy crazy energy levels... realise I lost around 7 pounds on the scale... I also almost had a drink because of the AV that was strong!! feeling strong can be tricky and can make you think that you could be a ''normal'' ''social'' drinker... NO NO NO!
3 rd weekend: what... this was the weekend? no battle against my addiction AT ALL! have I recovered already? NO! I'm just learning so much about my new life that I'm getting really good at dealing with situations where alcohol is around...
4th week: Days go by and I'm not thinking about getting a drink... ever... I even question myself if I was an alcoholic in the first place but I remember how I was loosing control over my drinking a month ago and it was getting worst and worst with the years... All the withdrawal symptoms are gone, sleeping is normal, I feel free, happy and strong... I still feel the anxiety of the holidays in 2 months, where alcohol will be everywhere...
So here I am... everytime I come here, I feel like I'm throwing another punch at my addiction... I love the feeling!
Learning to live my life without alcohol make me realise how happy and lucky I am to have this amazing life... I have perfect kids, a perfect business as a job that I'm passionate about, a perfect wife that understands and support me...
I will say something that scared me at first: I will never drink again!
I will always manage a way to keep my guards up and I will always remember how miserable my life was when I was drinking almost every night... and the ugly guilt feeling the next morning.... NEVER AGAIN!
Thank you all for being present, for being here with me, for understanding and for being so kind and for dealing with this frenchy guy that as an horrible english!
hahaha!
And here's a coming out: AlexemK is for my kids: Alexia and Emrik... I'm Ben!
I'll right replies to this thread when I will want to get stuff out of my system, so thank you for accepting that this thread will pop up once in a while... I also like to read myself, my old threads, to make I never forget where I was and what I went through!
Ben
1 month sober TODAY! This is, by far, my personnal record of the past 10 years or so... Tried to stop SO MANY TIMES before but couldn't do much more then 4-5 days... then the withdrawal symptoms where unbearable...
What's the difference this time? THIS BOARD (checking-in and reading your stories evryday) I know I used to participate a little more, but I'm still here everyday... AND.... also the fact that this time, I take this much more seriously!!
SO, 1 month... here's my little resume:
First 4 days, withdrawal symptoms of shaking, shivering and sweating... but I felt strong to hold-on this time... almost no sleep for 3 days! lol!
First weekend WAS HELL ON EARTH for me, wanted a drink SO BAD, I cried many times (I cry all the time! lol!)
Second week was OK, insomnia and night sweats all week, but feeling better between my 2 ears, felt like I was going strong...
Second weekend: HELL AGAIN! but realise a lot of things about myself and I was starting to see my old self coming back slowly... I was laughing more, had amazing times with my kids and realising I was 100% there with them gave me so much strenght...
3rd week: felt in amazing shift in my metabolism... energy levels where through the roof even if I was still having troubles with sleeping (or falling asleep should I say) At the gym, i was on FIRE!! 3hrs + unstopable workouts! crazy crazy energy levels... realise I lost around 7 pounds on the scale... I also almost had a drink because of the AV that was strong!! feeling strong can be tricky and can make you think that you could be a ''normal'' ''social'' drinker... NO NO NO!
3 rd weekend: what... this was the weekend? no battle against my addiction AT ALL! have I recovered already? NO! I'm just learning so much about my new life that I'm getting really good at dealing with situations where alcohol is around...
4th week: Days go by and I'm not thinking about getting a drink... ever... I even question myself if I was an alcoholic in the first place but I remember how I was loosing control over my drinking a month ago and it was getting worst and worst with the years... All the withdrawal symptoms are gone, sleeping is normal, I feel free, happy and strong... I still feel the anxiety of the holidays in 2 months, where alcohol will be everywhere...
So here I am... everytime I come here, I feel like I'm throwing another punch at my addiction... I love the feeling!
Learning to live my life without alcohol make me realise how happy and lucky I am to have this amazing life... I have perfect kids, a perfect business as a job that I'm passionate about, a perfect wife that understands and support me...
I will say something that scared me at first: I will never drink again!
I will always manage a way to keep my guards up and I will always remember how miserable my life was when I was drinking almost every night... and the ugly guilt feeling the next morning.... NEVER AGAIN!
Thank you all for being present, for being here with me, for understanding and for being so kind and for dealing with this frenchy guy that as an horrible english!
hahaha! And here's a coming out: AlexemK is for my kids: Alexia and Emrik... I'm Ben!
I'll right replies to this thread when I will want to get stuff out of my system, so thank you for accepting that this thread will pop up once in a while... I also like to read myself, my old threads, to make I never forget where I was and what I went through!
Ben
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Montreal
Posts: 135
Day 35 today
And the AV is talking to me all the time lately... Not to drink at this very moment, but to have a few when the holidays come... I don't want to, really... and I won't!! I will manage a way to open my eyes on the 2nd of January 2015 and still be alcohol free!! but it's going to be hard... I feel it in advance! I try to focus my mind somewhere else, I tell myself that it's in 2 months and I have plenty of time to work on some strategies to withdraw myself from some situations, but it's always on my mind... It's really going to be my first holidays alcohol free since I drink (20 years or so!) and usualy, I drink every day from december 23rd to january 2nd and I have multiple situations and events to drink..... I'll say ''no thank you'' many times... one at the time... I'm just affraid to feel so much pressure that I'll listen to my AV that says:''**** it, let's have a few for other people to shut-up and you'll be back sober on january 2nd with no problems''
I strongly and truly don't want this to happen!!
On the other hand, in the present, I noticed, in the beginning of the week, that I have problems with my memory... I'm looking for words when I speak... a lot! I struggle everyday and in my job, I speak ALL THE TIME!! it bugs me quite a bit!! I know it's all part of the PAWS symptoms of withdrawal from alcohol, but it's really affecting me this week...
One day at a time....
Happy sober day people!!
And the AV is talking to me all the time lately... Not to drink at this very moment, but to have a few when the holidays come... I don't want to, really... and I won't!! I will manage a way to open my eyes on the 2nd of January 2015 and still be alcohol free!! but it's going to be hard... I feel it in advance! I try to focus my mind somewhere else, I tell myself that it's in 2 months and I have plenty of time to work on some strategies to withdraw myself from some situations, but it's always on my mind... It's really going to be my first holidays alcohol free since I drink (20 years or so!) and usualy, I drink every day from december 23rd to january 2nd and I have multiple situations and events to drink..... I'll say ''no thank you'' many times... one at the time... I'm just affraid to feel so much pressure that I'll listen to my AV that says:''**** it, let's have a few for other people to shut-up and you'll be back sober on january 2nd with no problems''
I strongly and truly don't want this to happen!!
On the other hand, in the present, I noticed, in the beginning of the week, that I have problems with my memory... I'm looking for words when I speak... a lot! I struggle everyday and in my job, I speak ALL THE TIME!! it bugs me quite a bit!! I know it's all part of the PAWS symptoms of withdrawal from alcohol, but it's really affecting me this week...
One day at a time....
Happy sober day people!!
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
inspirational, Ben, thank you for posting and well done. You describe your struggles beautifully.
You' ll be ok over the holidays, no- one else will care whether you drink or not, it's big on your mind but not in anyone else's. As long as they can drink, they won't give a s**t.
Onwards and forwards !
You' ll be ok over the holidays, no- one else will care whether you drink or not, it's big on your mind but not in anyone else's. As long as they can drink, they won't give a s**t.
Onwards and forwards !
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Great job! Be sure to stay humble and never forget what you are. I forgot and relapsed after 5.5 years. Not trying to be Debbie Downer....I just don't want that to happen to you.
I saw a few red flags in your post. Just be careful! Your disease is still hiding and waiting for a weak moment to attack!
I just care...that's why I tell the truth!
Anyway....congrats on 30 days! That's a big accomplishment!!! Keep it up! The longer you stay sober the easier it becomes.
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
I saw a few red flags in your post. Just be careful! Your disease is still hiding and waiting for a weak moment to attack!
I just care...that's why I tell the truth!
Anyway....congrats on 30 days! That's a big accomplishment!!! Keep it up! The longer you stay sober the easier it becomes.
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
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