lillamy

Just -- everything.

Understanding the boundaries between me and other people, and that when other people are sad, angry, or jerks, it's their problem and I don't need to fix it.

Being able to detach from dysfunctional situations and be able to take what I can use and leave the rest (as in when I had an incompetent supervisor who kept trying to throw me under the bus, but I knew he would get fired eventually)

And most of all, realizing how little control I have over things. As a recovering control freak, I have actually gotten to the point where that makes me happy.

Fecal matter has hit the fan in a multitude of ways in my life in the past couple of weeks, with a culmination yesterday and today. I usually eat lunch while I work but today, I went out and bought a sandwich and drove to the lake and sat there and ate, accosted by a horde of squirrels that were forward enough that I almost expected them to start flashing gang signs at me. And I breathed. And then I determined that it's a gorgeous, crisp fall day and the sun is shining. And I was grateful for that. Because I don't have any control over that either.

honeypig

Great, great post, lillamy! It is so freeing to realize that most of the load you've been carrying around for so long isn't yours to tote...

I'm so glad you are where you are and know what you know now.

SabrinaQ

Thank you for your words...

I find posts such as this very helpful.

I hope things get better for all of us,
and with the collective struggle in SR and Al-anon (that's what it is if you think about it),
I feel like we are halfway there already.

ResignedToWait

That's a pretty great post, thank you.

Jaeger

Best post I've read today! I felt the same way about Al-Anon. It really does help in almost every part of life. I think it could help soooo many people if they would give it a chance.

irisgardens

Thank you lilamy--I found this topic so wonderful and on topic for me...although in my case I was let go...and am looking again. This is so good and I am back attending alanon meetings because I know I do better with them than without them.

irisgardens

Today I am really grateful to a SR friend who gave me the gift of a suggested avatar and I was able to get it up...it took a while and I look at it as learning...as my particular type of job requires that I be able to use systems and technology which are not my forte unless untuitive...and so looking at the post and the beautiful avatar given to me by a precious SR friend...I am a lucky woman.

Eauchiche

I have an anecdote about how AlAnon has helped me too:
My landlord, a "recovering" addict and alcoholic, currently on Psychotropic meds prescribed by his MD, took a course in psychology form the local junior college. Because of this, he feels imminently qualified to try and play with my head occasionally. I've learned the routine, and because of AlAnon can play along. Incidentally, he is currently in no program.

About a year ago, he married a woman from the Philippines that he met online. To make a long story short, she is BPD, and runs a sham marriage deal to get her relatives into the country.

He decided the other night to start a conversation with me, suggesting that I need to re-unite with my AH. He says I should start going back to him on the weekends, while my landlord's wife is in the house. He also frequently points out how severely codependent I am. He says I seem distant to his wife when she's home, and that this is rooted in some deep-seated problem from my childhood. I was also told that my objections to his wife's sham marriage deals is my problem and that I have no right to judge.

I woke up the next morning after sleeping on all this, and haven't been able to quit chuckling since. I meet with my potential new landlord this coming Tuesday.

Thanks, AlAnon, for clear thinking, and my own Bu**sh*t reduction plan!!!!