Celebrating 60 Days!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Celebrating 60 Days!
Just 61 days ago, I sat on the porch of my little house in the woods, drinking beer and sobbing, broken and discouraged.
I relapsed in May, and had dragged drinking through the summer, thinking that tomorrow would be the right day to stop, next week, after the camping trip, after the music festival, after, after, just not now, because I was riding the river of my addiction, swept along, and didn't want that moment to end.
At the same time, I knew that it had to stop, primarily because I knew I was damaging my health. I have health circumstances which mandate that I not drink, and I knew that every day I continued, I was taking enormous risks with my life and my future.
Just 61 days ago, having tried to sober up a few times over the prior couple of weeks and making 6 days, drinking, 6 days more...I sat on the porch crying, because I had just asked my boyfriend to leave, ending the relationship. He was also an alcoholic, and didn't want to stop drinking, and it had become clear to me that I would not succeed in recovery while watching him drink down those hundred ice cold beers. I was afraid that I had just asked him to leave my little house, and that I would fail anyway, and that it wasn't really him that was preventing my sobriety.
Today is my 60 days. I went to my aa meeting, and received a lot of love and celebration. I looked around the room, at these people who are some of the primary characters in my current story, and felt their radiant support. There are some I adore, some I can't stand, some I don't know, some who have kept me sober at moments in which I struggled.
I found SR this time. This is an extraordinary community. There are people on here that I think about and care about and wonder about and hope for. I am a writer and a reader, and this has been a place that I share more openly than I do in the rooms of aa. I feel loved here as well, and supported. I am here every day. One of the things I like best about SR is that it is international. I am tucked here in this small (and cold) corner of the world, and SR reminds me that we are everywhere, and we are walking this road together.
Just a little love note to all of you. Thank you. I'm not going anywhere. What I'm doing is working, so I'll keep doing it. I've been sober for 60 days, through some very difficult life events, and I am happy. I just wish I could have touched that girl on the porch 61 days ago on the shoulder and told her that she was going to be just fine, and that it would be so much better than it was then, and that she was going to be very very happy, very very soon.
I relapsed in May, and had dragged drinking through the summer, thinking that tomorrow would be the right day to stop, next week, after the camping trip, after the music festival, after, after, just not now, because I was riding the river of my addiction, swept along, and didn't want that moment to end.
At the same time, I knew that it had to stop, primarily because I knew I was damaging my health. I have health circumstances which mandate that I not drink, and I knew that every day I continued, I was taking enormous risks with my life and my future.
Just 61 days ago, having tried to sober up a few times over the prior couple of weeks and making 6 days, drinking, 6 days more...I sat on the porch crying, because I had just asked my boyfriend to leave, ending the relationship. He was also an alcoholic, and didn't want to stop drinking, and it had become clear to me that I would not succeed in recovery while watching him drink down those hundred ice cold beers. I was afraid that I had just asked him to leave my little house, and that I would fail anyway, and that it wasn't really him that was preventing my sobriety.
Today is my 60 days. I went to my aa meeting, and received a lot of love and celebration. I looked around the room, at these people who are some of the primary characters in my current story, and felt their radiant support. There are some I adore, some I can't stand, some I don't know, some who have kept me sober at moments in which I struggled.
I found SR this time. This is an extraordinary community. There are people on here that I think about and care about and wonder about and hope for. I am a writer and a reader, and this has been a place that I share more openly than I do in the rooms of aa. I feel loved here as well, and supported. I am here every day. One of the things I like best about SR is that it is international. I am tucked here in this small (and cold) corner of the world, and SR reminds me that we are everywhere, and we are walking this road together.
Just a little love note to all of you. Thank you. I'm not going anywhere. What I'm doing is working, so I'll keep doing it. I've been sober for 60 days, through some very difficult life events, and I am happy. I just wish I could have touched that girl on the porch 61 days ago on the shoulder and told her that she was going to be just fine, and that it would be so much better than it was then, and that she was going to be very very happy, very very soon.
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