Sinderos

It's pushing 4 am where I am on Tuesday. I drank over the weekend which meant I did on Monday (just a little) but then the "usual" pint last night. I don't like me when I drink.

Ok so here is my real life problems. I am miserable. I moved back to my "home" area and am miserable at my job. I replaced someone who neglected their job and left my accounts in a huge mess. It is so hard to work there. To top it off I work in a city with a small town mentality. The people are noisy and want to be in your business just so they'll have something to talk about. I can honestly say I hate my job. However I can't afford to leave so I have to deal with it. I have no friends here and don't have a clue how to make any. (Seems like everyone here knows everyone.)

My "boyfriend" of 4 years lives 45 minutes away. I firmly believe he has alcohol/addiction issues of his own. He can drink but leave it alone for weeks at a time but "smokes" every day. When he drinks he goes way over board. His words on the smoking thing are "to help him sleep". It starts as soon as he gets home. Denial maybe? He seems very content if I come over and welcomes me anytime. He very rarely comes to see me and it is a very one sided relationship where I give a ton and get very little in return. With that being said, he has good qualities and encourages me not to drink as well as to be a better person.

To sum it up, I am miserable with and without alcohol. I would rather do life without alcohol though because even though I was miserable it was a better kind of misery. I know I sound pathetic. I just have no I've to talk to and need a friend. SR is all I could think of.

justinJustQuit

Not pathetic at all. I found that not having alcohol made me sad at first. Granted, I'm only on day 42, but I see where you're coming from.

I wound up getting my degree and moved to a different city.

I grew up in a town with 190 people. Gossip for them was a way to pass the time.

Things will get better. Just remember that you can't change other people.

Soberwolf

Hugs sinderos it sounds like your stressed and i would be too

we need a plan and to remember why were doing what were doing

50 Essential Tips To Help You Stay Clean And Sober

Sinderos

Thank you both. Just being able to vent was helpful. I am going to get back on track today. I had 39 days sober and I'm not going to allow this bump in the sobriety path continue.

I'm going to check out the link you attached sober wolf. That will be good lunch time reading.

luvmygirls

Do you have any other in-person support network (like AA, maybe?) It sounds like you're pretty isolated and maybe even depressed, which for me would be a disasterous combination. I think posting here as much as possible sounds like a great first step, and HUGE congratulations on 39 days...that's amazing!!!

fridgey

smoking stops vulnerability

lastchance4me

Get up, dust off and hit it. You can do this.
Sounds like you deserve better than you are allowing yourself. First and most important is your sobriety. With that will come clarity in other areas. Nothing bad can come from being sober.
Make it a great, sober Wednesday

anattaboy

A better kind of miserable sounds about right. Life is navigable sober and that's enough. Best wishes on keeping the plug in the jug today. Your outlook will improve beyond belief.

doggonecarl

How much of this is self imposed? Talking to people, making friends, that requires being proactive.

I second the suggestion of seeking fellowship in the rooms of AA.

Nonsensical

There is a big difference between life without alcohol and a living sober life. Give that second one a try. You will not be sorry.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

PurpleKnight

As already mentioned, simply taking alcohol out of my life didn't do much, it created a lot of time on my own, bored, and guess what? thinking about alcohol.

So instead of that I needed to find new activities, meet new people, plan my weekends, my evenings, figure out what I now wanted to do in life, new projects, sit down and really think about what did I want my life to be.

Hang in there!!