Tolerating negative emotions
Tolerating negative emotions
Not my strong suit. I create more drama by trying to force a situation to resolution because I fret something terrible waiting for it to sort itself out. When it doesn't work out in my favor, I read all kinds of things into it, like nobody likes me type of stuff. I want to drink to stop thinking about it. So I realize I need to learn to tolerate negative emotion. Anyone else struggle with this? Do you have any strategies that help?
Pulp Fiction. The big soliloquy by Samuel Jackson about staying cool. I used to react immediately and get all worked up. Now, I wait before I act, unless a bear is charging me. Just because someone engages me doesn't mean I have to engage right back. I stopped letting others dictate my actions & emotions. I stopped adhering to other people's time-frames and schedules. Almost without exception, taking some times results in cooler heads prevailing. My cooler head.
Riding the emotion out works for me, the intense feelings I sometimes get pass in a few minutes.
Distraction is also a great method I find, going out for a long walk in fresh air to clear the head!!
Distraction is also a great method I find, going out for a long walk in fresh air to clear the head!!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Sounds more like a thinking problem than a feeling problem.
When we approach people and situations with negativity or paranoia, we tend to find, manufacture or give undue significance to evidence that confirms our negative thinking, rather than accept things as they are.
Forcing a "situation to resolution" also tends to produce the expected negative outcome; a truly self-fulfilling prophecy. Even if the outcome sucks, at least it came from me, and I got the result I expected. Much better than not knowing, right?
This cognitive style is very common in cases of anxiety and depression, and is often easily treated with the right therapist. Otherwise, it might be helpful for you to check out why it is that your expectations are so narrow and in a very particular direction. And then ask yourself why you're so actively guaranteeing less than optimal outcomes.
Under certain conditions, you can always get what you want.
When we approach people and situations with negativity or paranoia, we tend to find, manufacture or give undue significance to evidence that confirms our negative thinking, rather than accept things as they are.
Forcing a "situation to resolution" also tends to produce the expected negative outcome; a truly self-fulfilling prophecy. Even if the outcome sucks, at least it came from me, and I got the result I expected. Much better than not knowing, right?
This cognitive style is very common in cases of anxiety and depression, and is often easily treated with the right therapist. Otherwise, it might be helpful for you to check out why it is that your expectations are so narrow and in a very particular direction. And then ask yourself why you're so actively guaranteeing less than optimal outcomes.
Under certain conditions, you can always get what you want.
I struggle daily with this problem as well. I find a lot of it has to do with my self confidence. I always expect the absolute worst to happen and I am under constant stress because of it. I have to constantly tell myself that things will work out- they always do! I've had some pretty big life stressors happen as a result of my drinking and I am now trying to deal with them in sobriety and it's really hard to not catastrophize everything but I have been cognitively sitting down and writing out the negative viewpoint of what I'm worrying about and then writing out the positive slant to the same situation and it helps me to be able to see it on paper and that it's not that big of a deal.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I too can be a bit of an "awfulizer" and I can make myself crazy trying to figure things out or find some resolution (read: escape from my seemingly unbearable suffering). I'm getting better. Sobriety helps..tons. Meditation is helping.
I'm a work in progress on this subject myself.
I'm a work in progress on this subject myself.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
When I was much younger, one might have imagined that I had professional training in both anticipating and actualizing the worst of all possible outcomes in virtually every aspect of my life.
My thinking was wearing me out, and I was wasting too much time wondering why things didn't work out for me, even though they often did. Over time, I learned to challenge my negative beliefs which, in turn, decreased the intensity of my fear and anxiety. Can I truly predict the future? Do I actually know how things are going to turn out? Is it possible that I'm wrong? That things may turn out to be okay? Or that something good might come from that which I dread?
This process, this cognitive reframing that I learned, has been automatic for a long time; I've perhaps gained years on my life.
Worrying provides us with a false and maladaptive sense of control over outcomes, and inhibits growth. We miss out on the process of our lives by focusing so much on results. It robs us of our time and of our ability to trust ourselves.
Someone once told me that worrying is like paying interest on a loan we'll never get. When we're able to free our minds from worry, we open up new and better ways of being in the world. And no one on their deathbed ever wished they would have worried more.
My thinking was wearing me out, and I was wasting too much time wondering why things didn't work out for me, even though they often did. Over time, I learned to challenge my negative beliefs which, in turn, decreased the intensity of my fear and anxiety. Can I truly predict the future? Do I actually know how things are going to turn out? Is it possible that I'm wrong? That things may turn out to be okay? Or that something good might come from that which I dread?
This process, this cognitive reframing that I learned, has been automatic for a long time; I've perhaps gained years on my life.
Worrying provides us with a false and maladaptive sense of control over outcomes, and inhibits growth. We miss out on the process of our lives by focusing so much on results. It robs us of our time and of our ability to trust ourselves.
Someone once told me that worrying is like paying interest on a loan we'll never get. When we're able to free our minds from worry, we open up new and better ways of being in the world. And no one on their deathbed ever wished they would have worried more.
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