KidsR#1

My RAH has offered to watch the kids (7 and 4) on a few different occasions but I have been hesitant as I felt it has been too soon. He's been sober for over a month and I feel like at some point I have to start letting him have time with the kids without me always being there. He has never driven with the kids when he was drinking or threatened to take them from me. He doesn't even keep car seats in his vehicle. My DD also knows how to reach me or my MIL and 911 for emergencies.

RAH offered to stay with the kids tomorrow while I attend a baptism at our church. The kids would prefer staying home than going to church as well. I am feeling like that may be a good place to start. We are then attending a kids football game afterwards as a family.

When were you ready to start letting the kids visit with their mom or dad that was in early recovery without being there? If we were legally separated or divorced than there is a good chance he would be entitled to unsupervised visits with them, wouldn't he?

Thumper

I can't know the details (abuse concerns or if he is unstable in some way) but baring something like that sounds like a good plan to me.

KidsR#1

I don't have any abuse concerns or him being unstable at this point. Kids are very easy going, never fight and pretty much need someone here to get them food/drink and make sure they stay safe. Also since it is in the morning I figure it is a good place to start.

If he was going to watch the kids after some sort of event he attended or at night then I would be more cautious.

Psalm5110

Kids, I've struggled with this, too. My RAH is close to six months sober and I did not start getting comfortable having him watch our kids (ages 3 years and 4 months) alone until just a few weeks ago. For me to feel ready for that, I needed to know (1) that he wouldn't drink; and (2) that he would make responsible choices with them in his care.

The more time he's been sober, the more confident I become that he has left active alcoholism behind. It's not just about "not drinking," but also about learning to deal with the factors that led to his problem drinking in the first place. It's about communication, caring, accountability, honesty, dedication to his recovery, and a bunch more things. I've learned to trust my instincts and when my instincts told me he was ready, I took a baby step. And I'll keep taking baby steps until we are on equal ground as parents again.

Just one more thing to share: I thought I would be terrified and worried the whole time I was away (only a few hours, but still). Imagine my relief when I got in the car to come home and realized I hadn't thought about them at all! I knew they were all right, just like I knew before that I couldn't trust him to keep them safe. My instincts were right on; listen to yours and don't be afraid to backpedal on this if something tells you it's not yet time.