irisgardens

Having a hard day and understanding that is is so true of so many.

Faced a next step today and posted a post...and it seems to be gone...and I am wondering if I violated rules of the forum without realizing it.

SR has been a place that I have been coming, reading, trying to post (tend to get bogged down in what a proper post might be) and to work on my recovery...as I have been doing for a long time.

For whatever reason...I am dealing with feelings of complete fear and scared and anxiety...and have been trying to work my program as best I can...and the possible deletion of the post titled 'set a boundary' has me going to that dark place that I am failure even in recovery...and that is not a good place as you all know.

Can anyone tell me what I did incorrectly so that I can correct?

Sometimes when I am too overwhelmed, I don't see things right in front of my face...so if that has happened...I apologize in advance.

Ann

Iris, your post is here, you posted on Friends and Family of Alcoholics, one forum up.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-boundary.html

I used to be a moderator here and I promise you that if SR ever had any issues with you or even questions, they would contact you privately to discuss it.

I follow your posts myself so I know how supportive and kind they are, so please stop worrying, all is well.

Hugs because it sounds like you are having a rough day.

The difference between a bad day and a good day is usually no more than two days. I promise.

Hugs

irisgardens

Thank you so much! Yes, yesterday I got out and went to a coffee that I started to try to meet people 'Quiet Leaders: Introverts' and got lost for 45 minutes on a road that I knew where I was and rechecked on mapquest and still...the step I took was to join the group anyway and it was wonderful to be with people like me...and I will go again...but was so tempted to just turn around and go home. I am taking your hug and kindness and just holding it. Thank you. Love to all.

Ann

Yes! That's the stuff! We can't let days like that get the better of us. I am so glad you didn't turn around. I have felt the same way sometimes and I am only at about 50/50 where half the time I proceed and the other half I do turn around...so you are way ahead of me on that count.

More hugs because you sound like you can use them.

JOIE12

I find that the things that strengthen me the most, are the moments when i try to stop what i intended to do but decide to force myself straight thru the fire. Thru the moment when just getting there was so important. Afterwards, I am always grateful that I did !!

I try to do one thing each day, often seemingly trivial. Something i fear or never did before. You would not believe the confidence this has brought me. Thank you irisgardens, for sharing and thank you for the kindness you show others here. You have a beautiful spirit.

ladyscribbler

I bumped your thread on the other forum. We get lulls sometimes where threads get "lost" and move down the page if there aren't any replies right away. Take care.

Vale

irisgardens wrote:

lost and confused,need help

Today I set another boundary with a RAD.

It was about some choices she has made with regard to actions she took with a younger brother and allowing him to live with her and choosing to blame me for all the family problems (they are many and mostly addiction related--she is an ex crystal meth addict) and I have been working on this boundary setting as I realized that not only can I not do anything to really help my current active AD (went through all kinds of craziness to try and it took me down) but that this daughter's continuing anger over my interventions when she was a teenager...she is now 28 were also just draining me...and that I had no family support.

Today I practiced setting a boundary instead of being my empathethic and loving self (I did that but it didn't work...she sucks that up and then insists that it is all my fault and I need to fix it)...and finally told her that what she wants me to do is exactly what I did for and with her and it didn't work...and why would I want to repeat that?

I pulled myself out of the inner shaking and lack of confidence to do that...and just did my best. I told her what I was going to do with my 20 year old adult son a year ago when he figured out that he could live easier with her...that when irresponsible...he would have to find his own place to live (have had 3 of 5 addict children in last 19 years...and I finally had to learn in the last year that I cannot help them by having them live with me, giving them money, so many things...and have joined naranon because all my other work and programs just didn't work well enough anymore).

She responded Okay. She is an crystal meth addict and the amount of blame and anger that I have allowed myself to be affected by in the past 8 years has been overwhelming...so to get this answer made me feel stronger within myself...as I already know that I am so beat down...and the pre-existing issues including an active AD and work are already overwhelming and taking all of my program and I need more.

================================================== ==
I followed Ann's link and copied your (great) post here for all to read.It is a beautiful
post ----- and well worth the risk of copying and reposting.....which I am pretty sure
violates 88% (plus) of SR's rules. Last time I pulled a stunt like this the SR Gods put
the duck in a dryer. I was hoping for permanent press/cool cycle-----but the quarters
just kept coming .......the cycle was cotton/high heat------and when it was all over I
looked like a white tumbleweed. Life with plumage can be tough.

I'm sorry you are having a bad day, but thank you for your post.Bravo to you for
setting an excellent boundary. You are not a failure in (or out) of recovery----it is a
process that we ALL are here to help each other get through.

As far as raising the ire of the SR Gods.......trust me when I say they have much
bigger fish to fry......and when I say fish.........I mean fowl.......and when I say fowl,
I mean DUCK!

Someone's coming........'gotta go! Whoever it is......it sounds like they have
a POCKET FULL of quarters....


.....Damn!

irisgardens

Thank you to all three of you--

Joie12--such insight...I got what you said and I feel as if I need to keep on working on that...thank you.

Ladyscribbler...just was so happy that I had seen your name in my previous post and grateful for the comment...thanks for the point about bumping...it helps to be able to navigate better--:-)

Vale--you my dear are an awesome duck and I am so grateful that you were willing to bend the rules...it gives me courages as a perfectionist in recovery...and also that there are much bigger fish to fry is wonderful because you are right and I love that perspective. On one of our SR family threads...someone very nice posted a picture of you as a duck in a lounge chair. I laughed myself silly...not because of the duck picture...love that artists pictures...but because in my silliness from a younger woman...I once identified with a silly picture of an alligator my Dad gave me...later in life...(after the silly picture was no longer in my life)--and I was feeling like I wanted to relate to something...I found that artists pictures...or some similar and sure enough...there were 4-5 ducks...awesome ducks (so wanted to be a duck) but there I was...the alligator in the middle of all the ducks.

Thanks to all and blessings...off to read my literature and to see what today brings!!!

Overit23

Iris,
Hope you are having a better day! One day, at a time...tomorrow the sun will still rise and offer you another amazing day of life~God Bless~

Twofish

Dear Iris,
Not only do the Mod Gods fry Ducks...they also fry Fish. No errors on your part! We are human and we learn.
Thank you for all the support you have given to ME! Did you know that? You have supported ME when I needed it at the height of my fears. You are one of us now. A valued SR member and one of the members of the mommas club. That's a few hundred strong that have been there done that and climbed above the drama and chaos. Dad and friends gather with us too!
Iris be strong and take care of yourself first, always first.
Set those boundaries and be firm. The craziness of addiction always is trying to slither back in! You are stronger than you give yourself credit!!
Yep, the manipulation stops today!
Hugs, gentle hugs to you,
TF